Refuse to leave?

Has anyone ever refused to leave a session? T kept trying to wrap up and tell me he would see me Monday, and I just sat there. I just kept telling him I didn't want to leave.*

That would be fairly disrespectful of his boundaries and of any client that might be waiting for a session after me. No, as much as leaving is sometimes difficult if I am not feeling closure at the end of a session, it would be better to schedule an extra appointment or ask for a phone call later, etc. than to refuse to leave.

I'm sure you are not the first person to do so in the history of therapy.

Kinda disrespectful to your T and to the person who may have had the appointment after you, IMO. I think it's also violating the clear boundaries of T, where you are expected to leave on time.

no i have never done that. what was going on and what did he do

I have always been in an all fired up hurry to leave.

Yea, there is the waiting client.

My T has gotten up to go to his desk and said, Okay I will see you next week.. And I sat there, frozen.. I told him I didn't think I could leave yet. What we were talking about really made me feel very anxious and he sat there a couple of mins trying to help get me grounded, so it was okay to leave. However, I don't think I have refused to leave when I could actually leave.

No I was still in my time I had a few minutes left. He was wrapping me up when I did it. I got really anxious out of no where. I didn't want to lee the safeness of the office at that moment.

I've never done it - I normally can't wait to leave and half power-walk, half bolt to the door - and have never heard of anyone doing it until now actually! Bless your little cotton socks, Lost!

I'm inclined to agree that it's a little disrespectful (and more importantly, awkward), but I can understand!

I think there is a difference between refusing to leave and being unable to leave because of something difficult that is being processed.

Absolutely. On a couple of occasions my T has moved me to another office so I could sit there until I felt okay to leave and drive which was a really good solution. But, yeah, generally there is another client waiting so T's have to somehow move on to the next client.

I am usually ready to leave and the idea of staying longer is not appealing to me. Once the woman tried to end it early and I told her I still had time left so we waited and when the clock hit the time that the appointment was up I stood up and left. I usually stand up at the end time, put the money on her table and walk out-I am usually the one who ends it - not her. There is no winding down from her at all. If she had given some reason for trying to end early, I would have cheerfully left early. Once I indicated I had time left, she let it be.

My T usually gives me a few minutes' warning by saying "I have to stop us soon, but" and then goes on to say something pithy. Then when it's time to really end, he asks me if it's okay to stop here. I've often wondered what he'd do if I said "no."

I can relate to finding it hard to leave once or twice - it just felt so scary to even move. My T has a way of saying "OK" when the session ends and that has become my cue to leave.

Wonder what helped you leave eventually? And maybe this is a good thing to explore with T sometimes?

Soup

No I dont want to leave! was followed by a um Lost, you have to, you can't stay here. I have other patients coming today. You will be okay...

He basically said I HAD to. He was totally confused when I said I didnt want to go and then I didnt get up. I wasn't going to hold his office hostage. let's just say I don't win best client award today.

I never have that problem. I have the other problem. I keep looking at my watch and towards the end I say "surely its time for me to leave" lol. I've been banned from even looking at my watch anymore. Apparently my T likes to control the time so when we have 5 mins left, she tells me. You poor thing thats hard.

I have seen a few who did not have clocks for clients to see and who liked to control the time - I just set my phone to buzz at the 5 minute mark whenever I see a new one. Them controlling the time would piss me off.

Haha me too! I have actually physically picked up the clock on the table next to me to check the time. And I used to always remind my T how much time we had left.
But about a month and a half ago I made it my goal to not look at the clock anymore. I told T I was OK with not being in control of the time and I felt comfortable with her telling me when it is time to leave. It's actually worked pretty well. I am not so neurotic about the time anymore and I like asking her how much time we have left, because I think it shows that I trust her and am OK with not being "in control" of the time.

dearest dog, you realize of course the existential absurdity of anyone controlling time. how do you reconcile that with your actions? I mean, why not take that step back and let go...

In general, one cannot control the passage of time, I agree. But as used here, and perhaps I should have chosen a different word, I mean I do not leave it up to the therapist to watch the clock. That is mine or ours but not just theirs.

I'm had the experience of feeling stuck to the couch, where it was painful to get up and leave. I've told Ts "I can't leave" or "I don't want to leave" many times.

Only once, with my former T, did I physically NOT leave. In my opinion, she handled it very poorly and I was devastated. I saw her in her home, so after my sessions she would go upstairs and I would leave out her front door. This particular time I felt SO bad, but of course I couldn't cry in the session. So I sat in her other room, kind of a waiting room but it's a very comfortable room since it's her home, and started to cry. I wanted her to see me crying, so I sat there. I just couldn't leave. I guess 15 minutes or so went by, she came back, and was getting ready for her next client, saw me there, and said I had to leave. I walked to the door (I wasn't crying any more) but I stood there, watching her in her kitchen. I felt powerless to walk out. She put ice in a glass and said "This isn't healthy. You have to leave". So I did, and cried hysterically in my car.

That night when I called her, she said that she can't do therapy with me if I don't hold by the rules, for my sake and hers. I think this was fairly early in the therapy, maybe a couple of months, though I don't remember.

My current T would never treat me that way! She would have asked me what was wrong, walked me out, hugged me, or said something reassuring. She would be sure I was all right. What former T did was traumatic for me.

Sorry to hijack your thread with my story but I DO understand about refusing to leave and the ramifications, unfortunately. My former T did have another client, but she could have talked to me for a minute and ask what's wrong first, before she kicked me out.

I set my alarm for the 45 min mark, not just a buzz. I don't know if there is a clock in that office, but I can't see it. T jokes about it now, he says things like "I know your alarm is going to go off in a second but...."

I've told T I really don't want to leave but I always have done simply because I know I have to. That doesn't make it any easier. In fact sometimes it feels like every possible force is holding my body on the sofa. But the fact I HAVE to go and T needs me to go, allows me to make the wrench. I even told T that I would never refuse to go no matter how hard it was.

Also, it would cause problems for my T if I didn't go and I suspect she would say unless I keep to the boundary she wouldn't be able to see me. Harsh perhaps, but at the end of the day I wouldn't blame her. I think it would be pretty awful for the T if a client refused to leave considering the fact they might have another client coming or their own life to lead. T's have boundaries for good reason and it's important to respect them.

Oh, I love the alarm idea - mind if I steal it? It would be so useful to me for when the clock's behind me or been removed.

I always feel like I need to be careful to leave on time.