Have you ever crossed your t's boundaries?

I have not been told so, but even if it happened - so what? All people have boundaries - even clients - sometimes people bump into them. Even therapists. I have told the therapist things were none of her business (example how much I get an hour on a case) and so forth. I have boundaries with people in real life - I have them with the therapist. IF the therapist got hurt about what I thought about her or therapy or if I quit - I think the therapist should go get therapy again herself.

Man I wish I was more like you. I have not told my T what I make a year as I'm afraid it's more then him.

Why would it worry you to make more money than a therapist? I am just curious.

Because with first T I told her my income and I think she used it against me .She was very materialistic.

My therapist said there was nothing I could do to make her angry except tell her what she's feeling. I don't really believe her, but I don't plan on testing her any time soon.

Your first therapist was horrible.

Mostly agree. We deal with boundaries all the time; boundaries are not exclusive to therapy. I do think there is a difference though between accidently/inadverdently bumping up against a boundary (which we all do and is not some fatal error or anything; we can all deal with those kinds of boundary crossings pretty much without blinking) and knowing clear well that you are about to stomp all over a person's boundaries and doing it anyway just out of meanness or spite or manipulativeness or whatever. If someone deliberately, knowingly, and intentionally jumps up and down on my boundaries, they are going to hear from me that they have gone too far and I won't accept that kind of treatment from them. I personally think T's have that same right to object to poor treatment from people, including their clients. Nowhere does it say a T has to accept deliberate mistreatment from anyone. Wouldn't that just be enabling bad behavior anyway?

I insulted my therapist with a snarky email response, and once I stopped beating myself to pieces over it, it ended up working out fine in the end. Even ended up being useful, as I used it as a learning experience and it made for a useful discussion in session.

I think therapists are impervious to clients. I don't really see quitting in an email or saying the therapy is not working or is useless as being mistreatment of the therapist. The therapist does not have a stake in the outcome - in my opinion.

Though therapists are only human, mine has often said "I'm a big boy and can take care of myself" on the occaision when I thought or did cross boundaries. I have blurted out things that would make a salor blush. T just roars with laughter. I have asked him things about his life. He usually asks why I am asking, then answers me.
One very embarrassing time, an "alter" spoke with him before his vacation and asked him if he was going to a nude beach. Thank God that man has a sense of humor.

Well from reading these responses, I don't think I deserved the answer I got from get and all the passive aggressive stuff, I mean really if her feelings are going to be that easily hurt I do think she needsto work on herself! I said therapy wasn't working for me, not her therapy. It was open for interpretation and obviously she took it personally! I would never cross any ones boundaries deliberately as this would be very manipulative and as someone who is working on her own boundaries I wouldn't like it if someone did it too me! I think my t is super sensitive and always needs reassuring about her work at first I didn't mind but now it's annoying!

Good insight. And if a T is that sensitive, she'll need to work on not conveying that to her clients, because it is your therapy and not hers, and her issues are not relevant and not helpful to you.

And to answer your question - no, not that I know of. I'm super frightened of crossing any kind of boundary with T, because I don't want him to be annoyed with me. I'm working on not trying to anticipate what he will want me to say, and say that instead of what I'm thinking (which is what I've been doing with Ts in the past). So I think any issues of boundary violations are unlikely (famous last words...?)

You didn't overstep any boundaries - your T has some issues there. If you want/need to sit in silence it's your decision and time to do it. If she doesn't like it, tough. That's what being a t is about. Crikey - some ts!

Not sure it's a boundary violation but I was really angry with my first t years ago because she unavoidably had to cancel my session and there was no other space she could offer. I wrote her a letter saying I was going to kill myself and sent it just before my next session, by which time my anger had died down and I felt really ashamed. Poor T was left not knowing if I'd turn up or not or what to do. She'd only just recieved my letter for various reasons so all she could do was wait and see if I'd show before taking any action. It was very distressing for us both and I would never do it again. Fortunately I have grown up a lot since then.

Oh dear, poor T this is why I couldnt do this job and why I really admire them for doing this job. I would have drove to your house, rang your parents/partner and the ambulance...phew, then have a nervous breakdown with worry!

I think this is a mistake we all make in therapy; trying to please our T's by telling them what we think they want to hear instead of what we really think lol...guilty as charged

I want your T mine doesn't like anger directed at her she redirects it back at me..

lol, thats okay then

I'd be concerned that a T "ripped" into someone. That's not about crossing boundaries. A boundary issue is calmly discussed. Dusfunctional families tear into other because they have no boundarys. Ripping into you would be crossing your boundaries and find it hard to believe a qualified therapist resorting to this.

She actually scares me more than anything. She rips into me a lot, once she asked me what advice I would give to a girl who was being attacked by a man and I said I would tell the girl to knee him in the balls and run as fast as she could and T said well thats not very constructive is it?? telling a young girl to hurt the man and run, really is this what I have been teaching you... I was left sitting there feeling bad about myself again...sometimes it feels as though I am a naughty school girl

Hmm I absolutely agree. I think this is one of the reasons why Ts need to be very settled in themselves and have regular supervision. Luckily she was good, and so is my current T. My former T was more unsettled in herself although a lovely person. Sometimes I forget just how good my first T was because I was in such a bad (and young) place back then.

Exactly Dreamy, you are right...They need to have lots of support around them and comfortable in their own skin without a doubt

wtf? Why is that poor advice??? It is excellent advice in my book. Kick hard is what I have told my daughter. Fingers in the eyes, knee to the groin and yell your bloody head off. Kick, poke, grab, knee, yank, spit...anything goes.

Seriously? Did she advocate girls getting hurt in order to not be mean to a man? Did she tell the answer she was looking for? Her response to you sounds really wrong to me.