Have you ever crossed your t's boundaries?

I asked my T via email... He said unless its overtly sexual or I threaten him with physical harm...I'd be ok as we create our boundaries.

In spite of some pretty wonky borderline/bipolar behavior, including being escorted out of his office to the hospital by the police when I threatened su, my T swears I haven't crossed any boundaries in the six years I've been seeing him. But then, the man in unflappable - nothing fazes him.

This was years ago, around 2002. My T at the time had been on vacation, and when I saw her for the first time afterwards, I walked into her office (she was sitting at her desk with her back turned towards me as I walked in) and I attempted to hug her from behind. She yelled out "NO HUGS, NO HUGS". I'll always remember how she said it. So I backed off. This was a one time thing. I never tried hugging any other T (although I always wish I could).

Well, I have an alter that has a very difficult time with separation and leaving. When she surfaces, the body becomes paralyzed and can't move, can't get up off the couch.

Having someone flip out when you go to hug them must hurt. Thanks for answering my question about not leaving.

I crossed my T's boundaries when I drove past her house once. I later told her about it. I also once emailed her a list of things I knew about her, mostly what she had told me. I was ashamed of that email because I knew I went too far, and she agreed. It was the way I worded it, not the fact that I knew the information.

I think I may have pushed her boundaries with my neediness and attachment. I try to keep it in check, though. I think the main issue was when I tried to quit via voice message and text because I was so overwhelmed and wanted out. She got me on the phone and said something about respecting the process and respecting her (oops!) by not just suddenly calling it quits. So I went to the next session after all to show her that I do very much respect her and with my attachment I kept going anyway since I knew I only had a limited time before I moved away. She told me in session that she was afraid I'd do it again and maybe not even show up for my last session and have proper closure. I felt so bad for acting so immature.

Rainbow8, how did you know where your T's house was? And how did she react when you later told her about driving past her house? I found out where my T lives and have been struggling with the urge to drive past it, but I haven't yet.

Yes, I wish that wasn't the reaction she gave, but it was. I think a lot of times, T's just don't know what to do or how to react. But the way they react can have negative effects on us

I would think telling her about it would kind of smooth it over, right?

My therapist knows I know where she lives because she gave me the address. She also knows that she lives along my walking "route". She'll sometimes ask if I've noticed anything new in her garden, and I'll tell her if I have. I feel like I don't answer her truthfully, I would be breaking her trust.

But to be honest, if she had never told me where she lives, that wouldn't have stopped me from looking it up anyway. Nor would it stop me from walking by every so often, just to check out the garden.

So I think it's good you told her. I hope she didn't hold it against you.

She asks if you noticed anything new in her garden??
It sounds as though she wants her clients to stalk her...see this is where I get confused because some therapists invite neediness and atttachment then when the clients embrace it the T freaks out and pushes us away.....confused.com

i don't know how i feel about boundaries.or if i have crossed them with my T.i know that i am not supose to e-mail her.write ans send letters or text. i am quite sure these are boundaries T has put in place for me do to my particular issues. not sure if they are personal boundaries for her about all her clients.don't think i have ever crossed any of her personal boundaries such as anythinh do to her personal life or personal space

When I picked my first T, I decided on a woman. I thought she would be more comforting and perhaps less judgemental of me. Whereas a man might look down on me as another man and make me feel a bit inadequate.

In the 3rd meeting, about the middle of the session. She was talking about something in relation to situation i was dealing with. In which I laughed and told her that it wasn't quite similar. Which was of course while she was talking. She stood up and said "Is this how you talk? Is this how your family raised you to communicate. You shouldn't interrupt me" in quite an aggressive tone. I was so shocked and taken back that my heart started pounding so hard. My vision went blurry and tunneled. I gripped my hands tight on the chair I was sitting in, and looked down at my feet. After a minute She looked at me and said " Are you aware that you are getting angry?" Then she told me that the session was over and that she would see me next week. After a while of sitting there, trying to not break down into a full blown panic attack. She began to ask me for my co-pay for the session. I walked out and had a breakdown in the car.

Ouch! I'm not sure how I would respond to that.
Did you end up returning to see her? Did ya'll talk about your reaction to how she responded to you?

I did not return to see her. I feel as if the one place where I should be welcomed would be my T's office.

Good for you. Therapists do not get to be abusive to clients either.

holy carp! good for you! bad therapist! very bad therapist! her standing up like that is gonna get her neck strangled someday. so freakin aggressive. then shortening the hour while you're in distress? bad therapist!

I honestly shouldn't have gone after the first visit. When she asked what I thought might be contributing to my Anxiety and panic attacks. I told her that I have low self esteem and that I feel like I'm unattractive since I am overweight (6ft at 230 lbs). She told me not to worry, "I have had a few less-than-attractive patients, and I wont judge you".... After that I was like... This woman, This woman has no idea what she's doing.

She needs to watch Shrek she's missing her empathy chip.

that's interesting and it made me wonder if I would like doing therapy with a t who has dealt with depression, same as me. I think it might seem less like being spoken down to about it. Of course t's SAY they respect you and everything, but it sure doesn't always feel that way.

I agree t's shouldn't have to tolerate hurtful behaviour. But doesn't it depend whether they think the client is capable of better behaviour as to whether any particular action is hurtful? I mean, if a client in whom the therapist suspects horrible trauma yells at the t because the client has been hurt and doesn't know how to handle things in a better way, the t might tolerate it, rather than taking it personally. But with another client, the t might think the client knows better and tell the client to stop it.

No kidding! The whole session you described sounds like insanity. Good ou left and never went back.

woowhh, slow mo, that T is crazy! She should be reported for that kind of crazy... She has no idea what she is doing and in fact she should be in therapy. She is very dangerous and could do a lot of damage to any of her clients

It took me a while to get up the courage to see another T after that. It took even longer to finally trust another T. Although I did end up finding a good one who fits me well.

I agree with you that she probably could be damaging other people, however I lack the courage to stand up to those kind of people.

I pushed t's buttons a few times ( ok many times),but never crossed t's boundaries .

I totally get that, you did what you felt was right at the time and now you gained your self respect and dignity and looked after yourself by getting another kinder T Sometimes fights are other peoples battles, sounds like she will annoy somebody who will take her to court