[rainbow8]

It was a hard but rewarding session. T did not want me to read the posts that I had xeroxed (I did not print or send her the entire thread). She said that puts me in my head, and she is always more interested in how I am right there, in the moment. So she said we're going to do breathing/meditation for a few minutes and get back to doing that at each session. She thinks that will help me when I get anxious and in these predicaments. It will help ground me.

She was, as many of you suggested, interested in WHY I wanted/needed to know where she was, and what my feelings were when I saw her car wasn't there. She wasn't as concerned about whether it crossed boundaries or not. We talked about my being upset because "she wasn't where she was supposed to be".

I wanted to get it all out so I jumped around a bit too much, from one aspect of the problem to another. Blur, I DID read some of your post out loud and my T agreed with it, but she does not think I have to quit now. The main thing was that I was more honest than ever, and told her how I thought my attachment was worse than ever, and how the parts don't want to separate from her, and only one "small part, which is my Self, the rational part", knows that I have to change or I'll be forever miserable. I told her most of the parts just want to be with her. I was so embarrassed but I told her about the 11 year old part who wants to keep looking at her because she "looks good", and who has a crush on her.

So, this is what we decided today:

1. I will stop emailing her unless it's directly related to scheduling or something I think is urgent. She trusts that I will use my judgment. She never liked emailing in the first place.

2. I will contact two places in my area that offer DBT. She recommended one of them, but she does think you need to see one of their Ts. She said maybe I can still see her too. I said I am not doing DBT now if I have to stop seeing her. She said I should call them and see, for now.

3. She doesn't want me to post so much on this forum. I resisted that one. I think she would rather I wouldn't come here at all, but I said that's too much for me to give up. So she said not to post as much. I have to decide how to implement that. She said "don't write about therapy" but I said it's a psychotherapy forum!

We started to talk about boundaries and what they are but we didn't have enough time. I asked her to tell me why we can't be friends even though I know the answer. She said that we wouldn't know each other if I hadn't come to therapy, and she never does therapy with her friends. Her job is to help me.

She sees me as having made some changes but she understands better how I am stuck with the attachment problem. I didn't hold anything back.

We ended with her asking me to name things I am grateful for.

So, I am not supposed to email her. That's not as hard as not coming on here so much. I have to decide how I'm going to set limits. Like once a day for an hour, instead of the hours I spend. OR, like sunrise suggested, start fewer threads, or like Hankster, no threads at all. That's going to be very hard for me.

Tomorrow I will call the DBT places.

I'm hurting but not so much as I thought because my T accepts me and still believes in me. It will be hard not to email her. I want to write somewhere and not in a handwritten journal. Maybe just emails to myself. I'm not sure.

I could have used a few more hours today with her to sort out some more.
She asked me where in my body I feel something and that was hard to answer because we were talking about the parts who want to be with her, I think. I said I felt ugly and exposed, and she wanted to know when I've felt that way before. I couldn't think of anything. I was too focused on what to do, how to change, etc.

For this week, the not emailing will be my priority.

I did feel somewhat relieved at being more honest about where I'm at, and not feeling less attached.

I couldn't cry though I sure felt like it, and did when I left. I'm holding back, even to myself, though. I probably will when I get into bed. Oh, she talked about black and white thinking. It's not that way with her and me, and with my therapy. I've made progress in other areas, she said. She asked me about that, and I said "I know I have parts now, and they aren't all of me but I know they're still running the show." She didn't think I would have understood that 2 years ago.

Sounds like a good, honest session with some concrete plans and goals to work on.

As far as the posting on PC goes, several of us mentioned how we tend to write very little about our own sessions, but choose instead to respond to the threads of others and make connections through our own experiences in life and therapy that way. It keeps the in session one-on-one time with our therapists private and secure for us, and puts that layer of protection around that area of our life while still being able to discuss ideas about therapy and be as supportive as we can to others. I learn a great deal from participating in others' threads, probably more than I'd actually learn from having my own sessions discussed (they aren't that earth-shattering anyway these days). That is a personal boundary you can place around your own sessions in order to help you feel safer about them perhaps.

Try journalling on paper rather than using the computer. You might be too tempted to hit that send button to your T if it is right in front of your face.

[Luce]

It sounds like you tackled some big issues today Rainbow, and that both your T and you are a little clearer about the degree of attachment you have and ways to move forward. You 'sound' calmer. Good work.

[EllieBear]

I'm glad things went well. I know you don't even know who I am. I'm fairly new here. I've read your recent threads but been too scared to posts after seeing some of the comments. I think your therapist's suggestion about not posting about certain things is a good one. It opens up something personal to you, your therapy and your relationship with your therapist, to the scrutiny of lots of people who all have their own issues and triggers and opinions...and no of us have all the information to make judgements about what's best for you. You and your therapist know best what you need. I'm certainly not saying don't post Your posts are helpful for me to read, and it seems like coming here is a big source of support for you. I hope it continues to be that way!

[emptyspace]

Do you see how this is not working? After 2 years, you are still overly attached to your T, maybe more than before.
We have discussed IFS before and I mentioned that the literature suggests that it does not work well with those with borderline traits because they fight moving to the Self, because all their parts want to get their needs met.

You fight moving to the Self all the time.

The reason you think this is working more is because you are getting what you "want" from your T. It is not changing your pattern.

Usually DBT is done with a DBT therapist and a DBT group. A DBT therapist is trained in the methods. The group is used for skills development.

[TwinkleBell]

Your therapist seems to me to be working within her professional ethical boundaries which is crucial for successful therapy. I think it is brave of you to explore your feelings with her, and that this will ultimately help you move forwards.

Originally Posted by emptyspace

Do you see how this is not working?

I don't understand this negativity, it seems premature. Yes, we know rainbow has had this pattern a while, but it looks to me like she's now trying to do something about it. I see this post as a follow up to the other thread, to inform 'concerned parties' what she intends to do. I agree with farmergirl, that it seems like rainbow and her T have set some good goals here. Not working?! Give her a bloody chance!

Rooting for you, rainbow, you can do this if you set your mind to it

Rainbow that's fantastic, so proud of you for being honest! I love the way you are so honest about everything and sometimes that makes us vulnerable and open to others opinions but once you are comfortable in yourself nothing anyone else says can hurt you! I read your last thread and people weren't always kind but I admire you for being who you are and truthful to yourself and if others don't like that it's their problem:-)

[elliemay]

What do you think about all this. I hope you are excited for what can happen and what is to come.

The potential freedom and independence that can arise from the changes.

I know it will be hard, but, well, if it were easy, everyone would be "healthy"!

You can do it.

I think you should be very proud of yourself for your honesty, your progress, and your willingness to face this head on.

It'll be great - you'll see!

[dizgirl2011]

Really pleased for you rainbow, so glad you had a good open and honest chat with your therapist and are taking things slow, one day or even one hour at a time. Well done

[WikidPissah]

Good for you for trying something new. That's awesome.

BTW- regarding the need to write, have you ever thought about starting an anonymous blog? It can be so freeing to write without the fear of judgement. To write "just for you" and not with anyone else in mind. You can do that at blogspot or wordpress or many other sites. (Just a thought)

[granite1]

sounds like a very hard session.glad you stuck with it.things will be ok

[healed84]

Rainbow it sounds like you did some hard, but great work! Good job!

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by emptyspace

Do you see how this is not working? After 2 years, you are still overly attached to your T, maybe more than before.
We have discussed IFS before and I mentioned that the literature suggests that it does not work well with those with borderline traits because they fight moving to the Self, because all their parts want to get their needs met.

You fight moving to the Self all the time.

The reason you think this is working more is because you are getting what you "want" from your T. It is not changing your pattern.

Usually DBT is done with a DBT therapist and a DBT group. A DBT therapist is trained in the methods. The group is used for skills development.

Thank you for your input, empty.
My T responded at the time that she disagreed that IFS doesn't work wth people with BPD. FYI, she does more EMDR now than IFS. Of course all my parts want to get their needs met. So do everyone's parts! Who said I think ANYTHING is working more? I agree I fight moving to the Self. That's why my T is working with me on mindfulness and meditation, and sent me to yoga, which helps me greatly. I was attached to my former T who refused to hug me because I was "borderline". She didn't help me at all with my attachment problems, and she admitted. She is the one who told me I would probably like the DBT exercises but she didn't think it would help me. I shouldn't have listened to her but she was my T so I did.

Yes, I know that about DBT. I'm going to call the places and see what the cost and rules are. I have all the DBT handouts because I once started an online course but I think they stopped it and I never finished. I know you will say of course I should immediately quit my T and take DBT. It is not advisable to quit a T abruptly. I know because I've done it before. There are many ways my T is helping me, pattern or no pattern.

I don't know why I'm setting myself up for your hostile replies once again. There must be a reason, LOL! I see you don't have any "friends" on the site. I have many. Maybe I feel like you could use some compassion and understanding too. How is YOUR therapy going? If you've been around here enough to know all about me, how come we don't know all about you, or anything about you? Do you get anything out of this forum? I hope so, or why do you stick around attacking me? What do you get out of it? Why do you do it? Something for YOU to bring up in YOUR therapy.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by emptyspace

Do you see how this is not working? After 2 years, you are still overly attached to your T, maybe more than before.
We have discussed IFS before and I mentioned that the literature suggests that it does not work well with those with borderline traits because they fight moving to the Self, because all their parts want to get their needs met.

You fight moving to the Self all the time.

The reason you think this is working more is because you are getting what you "want" from your T. It is not changing your pattern.

Usually DBT is done with a DBT therapist and a DBT group. A DBT therapist is trained in the methods. The group is used for skills development.

One thing that might be kept in mind is if one does not like or approve of how someone else does therapy, it is okay -you can do yours differently. They get to do theirs and you get to do yours. From what I have read, each dyad is different. I fully admit I don't understand what most others here do with their therapists and rarely feel like others approach it like I do. But that is okay. It is interesting and
useful for me to read how others do it or their feelings about it.
But there is not one right way to almost anything and certainly not therapy.

[unaluna]

trigger for csa

Originally Posted by rainbow8

She asked me where in my body I feel something and that was hard to answer because we were talking about the parts who want to be with her, I think. I said I felt ugly and exposed, and she wanted to know when I've felt that way before. I couldn't think of anything.

What an amazing session! What she said about how she doesn't do therapy on her friends - it's like, well that makes sense now! Like i've been looking in the wrong end of the telescope all this time. My T will be relieved...

I get the ugly and exposed feeling. I used to call it the naked feeling. it was a very specific sensation that I would experience at the oddest times - like in church as a child, but then as an adult, it could be when going to a wedding, or something work-related, or if friends were coming to swim - I guess always something stressful? At the same time, I would tell my T's about how one of my uncles would touch my top quite harshly immediately upon saying hello when we visited, and my mother refused to protect me when I asked her to. but I never connected her refusal with my naked feeling. once I processed my feelings about my mother a litgle further, the naked feeling hasn't returned - or I haven't been that stressed out? idk. anyway, my mother was obsessed with my breasts, or the flatness thereof
- I think that's a main reason for her rejection of me. she didn't make "those".

anyway, sounds like a calm, thoughtful, present, caring session. took me a while to get there, it's only been the last few years with this T. before that, it was hyper yelling angsty city. I know, because when I saw my prev t/pdoc a year ago for a consult, and I sat in my old chair, I was CALM, and it was like my old yakkety ghost kept trying to pop out, and he kept looking for her, but she wasn't there. anyway, I hope you feel good about this session. it sounds great. like a turning point. you did a lot of really hard work last week.

[stopdog]

Good luck with the dbt.

[karebear1]

Rain-

so relieved to know that you and T have found a place to start with your concrens. I wish you the best of luck in persuing answers to your questions and send lots of good wishes your way.

[Sannah]

Very good Rainbow! I know you will work through this.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

I don't understand this negativity, it seems premature. Yes, we know rainbow has had this pattern a while, but it looks to me like she's now trying to do something about it. I see this post as a follow up to the other thread, to inform 'concerned parties' what she intends to do. I agree with farmergirl, that it seems like rainbow and her T have set some good goals here. Not working?! Give her a bloody chance!

Rooting for you, rainbow, you can do this if you set your mind to it

yeah, things take time. And for me at least, my progress is not linear or rapid!

[Freefall1974]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Thank you for your input, empty.
My T responded at the time that she disagreed that IFS doesn't work wth people with BPD. FYI, she does more EMDR now than IFS. Of course all my parts want to get their needs met. So do everyone's parts! Who said I think ANYTHING is working more? I agree I fight moving to the Self. That's why my T is working with me on mindfulness and meditation, and sent me to yoga, which helps me greatly. I was attached to my former T who refused to hug me because I was "borderline". She didn't help me at all with my attachment problems, and she admitted. She is the one who told me I would probably like the DBT exercises but she didn't think it would help me. I shouldn't have listened to her but she was my T so I did.

Yes, I know that about DBT. I'm going to call the places and see what the cost and rules are. I have all the DBT handouts because I once started an online course but I think they stopped it and I never finished. I know you will say of course I should immediately quit my T and take DBT. It is not advisable to quit a T abruptly. I know because I've done it before. There are many ways my T is helping me, pattern or no pattern.

I don't know why I'm setting myself up for your hostile replies once again. There must be a reason, LOL! I see you don't have any "friends" on the site. I have many. Maybe I feel like you could use some compassion and understanding too. How is YOUR therapy going? If you've been around here enough to know all about me, how come we don't know all about you, or anything about you? Do you get anything out of this forum? I hope so, or why do you stick around attacking me? What do you get out of it? Why do you do it? Something for YOU to bring up in YOUR therapy.

And I don't know why I am throwing in one last post, but in regards to
?emptyspace is it? i wish there was a "shush" button or "just go away" button. Better yet, change you screen name to "head full of knowledge"

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Freefall1974

"head full of knowledge"

my mother would suggest a different body part, and a different packing material. This is a real breakthru for me, that I heard and identified the source of this crack (so to speak) as HER voice, the evil maternal introject, and not as my own. I'm achieving separation! It may seem like a small step, but I think my T would call it monumental. so freefall, you did a good thing. and according to a new book i'm reading, The TOOLS, when you do a good thing, it doesn't affect just the immediate person, but it puts goodness out into the world to be multiplied (i'm not exactly sure how they word it) and look that's what happened here, you helped me too, in a way you never could have foreseen. kinda magical.