[lostmyway21]

So I took the dive and called our local psych center. As many of you know my T wants me to do a day program because I have been quite unstable the last month or two because of my bipolar disorder. I called and they seem nice. The program is Mon-Fri 8am-2pm. I dont have to go everyday.

Here is the HUGE problem...in order to be accepted I have to drop my current therapist and pdoc. (so medicaid doesn't get double billed) I have a huge attachment to my T. I have seen him 2x a week for nine months. I also have a huge attachment to pdoc. I have seen him sometimes once a week for almost 2 years. He saw me for free for over a year, when I lost my insurance. The intake guy said if I have a good theraputic relationship then I should consider not doing the day program. BUT at the same time thats what T wants for me right now.

I don't know what to do. I don't think I could ever drop my T or pdoc for the day program. What should I do???

[WikidPissah]

Ok...usually you would just have to give up t and pdoc for the weeks you are in the day program. So maybe you can just do the program for a couple of weeks and go back to your own t/pdoc at the end? Ask t if he would hold your spot for you.

[WikidPissah]

I think it's awesome that you called for info...very brave.

[lostmyway21]

No way I couldn't do it. I couldn't go a week without seeing T. I don't plan on going more than three weeks so I can survive not seeing pdoc.

[bamapsych]

I think that you have a really good T and pdoc. They know you well and seem to think that the day program is better for you at the moment than what they can give you. If I were you, I'd consider the day program for a few weeks, then go back to T and pdoc. Many virtual safe hugs coming your way... I know it's hard to not see T/pdoc when the attachment is so intense.

[lostmyway21]

I would fall apart not seeing T. I simply CAN not do it. I'm not strong enough for that.

[WikidPissah]

You've gotten by for a week when T was on vacation, right? Possibly he would talk to you once a week on the phone even though you are not seeing him face to face. You can do it lost, I know it would be hard though. Plus two weeks without t is better than loosing him all together, isn't it?

Have you asked t what he thought?

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

You've gotten by for a week when T was on vacation, right? Possibly he would talk to you once a week on the phone even though you are not seeing him face to face. You can do it lost, I know it would be hard though. Plus two weeks without t is better than loosing him all together, isn't it?

Have you asked t what he thought?

I told him the situation he hasent gotten back to me yet. He's gone on vacation but I've only missed one appointment. Means I never went more than a few days since I see him twice a week. I'm sure he will think of something but if he doesn't I just can't do this. I also don't want to go and have them change my meds all around. Ughhhh.

[pbutton]

Another thing to keep in mind is that while you won't have T, you'll be getting a LOT of therapy in the day program.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by pbutton

Another thing to keep in mind is that while you won't have T, you'll be getting a LOT of therapy in the day program.

Yeah but from a scary stranger, not T.

Lost, while you have a wonderful T and a great relationship with him (and pdoc), for the moment this isn't working to keep you afloat. It doesn't mean that you or him have done anything wrong, aren't a good match, etc. A different approach for a brief amount of time could provide just what you and your treatment team need. The inpatient program could give you, T, and postdoc with some new ideas. I hope that you'll consider this--you've been hurting a lot for some time. I know that it's scary, but without a leap of faith, no change can happen. Please ask yourself whether stability is really what you want.

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

Yeah but from a scary stranger, not T.

but if you T is on board with this, maybe you should just try it. Strangers are only strangers until you meet them. This could be a chance to show T what progress you have made, maybe T will let you email just to check in whil in the day program?

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

but if you T is on board with this, maybe you should just try it. Strangers are only strangers until you meet them. This could be a chance to show T what progress you have made, maybe T will let you email just to check in whil in the day program?

Exactly, Lola! Are we such a scary bunch

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by eastcoaster

Exactly, Lola! Are we such a scary bunch

Lol no. Maybe me and T could work something out. Skype or phone calls. He has offered to see me for free in the past maybe he will see me for three weeks. Idk he cares for me a lot hopefully he will work with me. I'm just scared. I don't want to loose T.

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

I'm just scared. I don't want to loose T.

Why would you lose T? Did the program say anything about forever ending your relationship with him? How could they force you and T to do that anyway? Please have faith in your relationship with him--accept his actions, they speak louder than reassuring you 10 times / day that he won't abandon you...

[Sannah]

Talk this over in session with T.

[karebear1]

I think that you attending the day program (whether you can see T or not) will only strengthen your relationship with T Lost. I know that is what has happened for me in the past. When I have done what T has asked me to do, as much as I haven't wanted to and fought it, our relationship became stronger- and stronger- even though I thought it would kill me in the mean time. There have been times when I've been so distraught over what she's asked that I thought I couldn't go on, but because I was so desperate and afraid that if I didn't do what she asked, she leave and not help me anymore, I did what she asked. AND.............. (as I sheepishly hang my head in humility and embarassment) I have to say she was right all along. Both times. In TRUSTING my T and doing what she asked me to do, our bond became closer and I became better.

it is definetly a leap of faith Lost, but, if you REALLY trust your T, no matter how hard it is, you can do it and come out of it ok. HUGS, hugs and HUGS to you!

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

I don't know what to do. I don't think I could ever drop my T or pdoc for the day program. What should I do???

I think you should talk to both your pdoc and therapist about your concerns about interrupting the strong alliance you have with them. As much as your therapist thinks a day program would be helpful, does he know you'd be required to drop your therapist and pdoc? I can't help but wonder about the potential for disrupting those relationships to trigger further instability.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by Crescent Moon

I think you should talk to both your pdoc and therapist about your concerns about interrupting the strong alliance you have with them. As much as your therapist thinks a day program would be helpful, does he know you'd be required to drop your therapist and pdoc? I can't help but wonder about the potential for disrupting those relationships to trigger further instability.

This is my biggest worry right now. I emailed T and told him about it. I just haven't heard anything back yet.

[Fixated]

Aren't you going to start working soon? Could you pay T out of pocket so insurance doesn't get charged twice?

[lostmyway21]

No I could never afford to pay T out of pocket. I need to use all the money I will make to get out of my current living situation.

[Kacey2]

Lost,
I completely understand your fear of not seeing t for a certain number of weeks. That would be hard! I do want to encourage you to do the day program anyway. I am afraid that if you don't make some changes you could possibly lose t anyway. He ethically can not keep working with you if he doesn't think he is providing you the care you need. Sometimes we have to make hard choices to keep the relationships that we need or want. My t made me do two rounds of DBT or else he would refer me even though I didn't want to do it, he held firm. He has also put me on a 72 hour hold.

I like the idea that other posters have given you about asking him to skype or talk by phone or maybe even have a weekly session at a very reduced rate that you could pay out of your pocket. That would be a great solution. I am sure your t will brainstorm with you to find something that will realistically work. I do agree that it would be detrimental for you to go over 21 days with out any contact with your t. That does not seem reasonable given the circumstances of your attachment.

However, something has to change. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, your behavior is burning your t out. If you can not learn to reign in your out of session contact and manage your episodes of crisis you will be making a very sad choice not to change. You will ultimately lose your t. That I can garantee you.

Learning skills to manage your life in this day program will give you mastery and competence and greatly improve your self respect. It will feel good. You will learn that you will still be supported and cared for by your t in times that you are not physically together or are in contact. This is a hard thing to do. I know it. I am hoping that you will accept this temporary day program because I am positive it will improve your quality of life and consequently your t relationship.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

Lost,
I completely understand your fear of not seeing t for a certain number of weeks. That would be hard! I do want to encourage you to do the day program anyway. I am afraid that if you don't make some changes you could possibly lose t anyway. He ethically can not keep working with you if he doesn't think he is providing you the care you need. Sometimes we have to make hard choices to keep the relationships that we need or want. My t made me do two rounds of DBT or else he would refer me even though I didn't want to do it, he held firm. He has also put me on a 72 hour hold.

I like the idea that other posters have given you about asking him to skype or talk by phone or maybe even have a weekly session at a very reduced rate that you could pay out of your pocket. That would be a great solution. I am sure your t will brainstorm with you to find something that will realistically work. I do agree that it would be detrimental for you to go over 21 days with out any contact with your t. That does not seem reasonable given the circumstances of your attachment.

However, something has to change. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, your behavior is burning your t out. If you can not learn to reign in your out of session contact and manage your episodes of crisis you will be making a very sad choice not to change. You will ultimately lose your t. That I can garantee you.

Learning skills to manage your life in this day program will give you mastery and competence and greatly improve your self respect. It will feel good. You will learn that you will still be supported and cared for by your t in times that you are not physically together or are in contact. This is a hard thing to do. I know it. I am hoping that you will accept this temporary day program because I am positive it will improve your quality of life and consequently your t relationship.

Thanks kacey your post was very insightful. (as was everyone else's ) I plan on talking it over with T and seeing what he can come up with. It's going to be a longggg weekend.

[lostmyway21]

Ughhhh I'm guessing T is going to make me wait this out until Monday. I'm going to be so stressed out waiting to find out if we can come out with a solution. I want to do the day program because it's what T thinks I need and I trust him. BUT I need to figure out a way to continue to see T. I hope this works out. I hope T will work with me. I feel like he will but I am so nervous and scared. I don't even know what to expect out of a day program and that is terrifying in itself to me. This weekend is going to last forever.

[Sannah]

The unknown is very unsettling for you?