[Gracey]

I have recently started my old T again. I'm not totally sure this is a good idea, but I had to do something. The stress and OCD was driving me nuts. . .so, here I sit on his beige couch, again.

We were talking this past Thursday about this friend of mine, and her role in my life right now. She has become an incredible source of strength for me and is encouraging and nuturing as well. So what's the problem, right? Well, the problem is this. I've reached a place in my therapy where there are things that I can't say - literally. My throat closes around the words and I gag. . .over and over and over. It isn't because I don't feel safe with T, I DO, but saying these words is just too powerful for me. They have this control over me, and I can't verbalize them. T suggests I invite HER to come with me to a session. He knows she has this calming and soothing effect on me and his theory is that when I start getting wound up, having someone I totally trust close by can help me get THROUGH the anxiety and panic and we can come out on the other side.

I think the man has COMPLETELY lost his mind personally. Kim already knows the stuff I'm in therapy for, but this is SO incredibly intimate. We're not just talking about her knowing what is said, but her actual presence as it is being said. What do I do? I've told T, "No way man. . .no way I can do that." And his response was, "you've already done so much you didn't think you can do, just consider it."

Advice? Suggestions?

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Hi Gracey...if she already knows it all and doesnt mind coming maybe it is worth a shot?

Safe hugs

[Gracey]

The idea of her sitting there with me. . .next to me. . .I don't know . . .it makes my tum do flips. She is very "affectionate" and that has actually been a blessing to me up to this point. She taught me to touch and hug again - but that same knowledge scares the h e double hockey sticks out of me now. I know how she responds to my pain. ..she wants to reach out, to touch me and soothe me. I don't know if I could share these things AND deal with physical contact at the same time. Hence. . .my diliema.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Odd as this sounds can you maybe tell her this and ask her not to hug you for a day or two ..or till you ask her to? She sounds VERY compassionate..if someone asked me to do that for them I would and I would not think ill of them at all...Also maybe you can not do this THIS week and kinda get use to the idea?

Safe hugs...youre a brave cookie...if what you are going to talk about is something I responded to way back ...on hard to talk on....wow you are really working hard in theapy and deserve a hats off

[Gracey]

It is something incredibly hard to talk about, and while her "mothering" instincts are something that I usually love and appreciate, considering that my mother was my abuser, it is hard to have her there too. I don't know. . .this is horrible.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Give it a little time and think on it...you do not HAVE to do it ...but think on it more..Maybe spit it out without her to end the stuff hanging over you...as in which would be easier/harder

hugs

[(JD)]

Nah, T isn't nuts, and neither are you

I think it is a great idea! You don't have to discuss your DX, nor go into anything like therapy. She might feel better and less frustrated by knowing how to help when you zone out (you know, to tap you on the hand or whatever) or to remind you to breathe (like we do for each other here at PC.)

Send her an email saying that your T thought she might come with you... that puts the request onto him, and if she says she isn't able to go ...you won't feel like she turned YOU down. TC

If this was me I would give it a shot. in fact I have introduced a friend to my last therapist I had. The only reason that my present therapist and this particular friend have not yet met was because my friends work schedule conflicts with my therapy time. This friend has been a part of my therapy and plans for 5 years and the results have been amazing because not only does she help with keeping me grounded but she also challenges me to think about the sides of situations that I don't normally see. Just when I think I am stuck on something I call my friend and soon the two of us are bantering back and forth brainstorming ideas and having a good time in the process. When I first started seeing SKR and one day my friend and I were downtown and we were passing the therapy agency where my therapist worked and down the street was my therapist and I said something like SKR must be on break there she is coming out of the coffee shop. and my friend said can I meet her someday. My heart went thump and I said sure why not now. and thought why not, its not like my seeing a therapist is a deep dark dirty secret. so we pulled over and I introduced the two, then we all talked for a few minutes and then back in the car I asked my friend " soooo what do ya think?" she said " she's cool I like her if I ever need someone..." and I picked it up with "in that case you better turn the car around now." and it has been the best thing on earth for me and my friend. Not only did she get to know why I was seeing SKR but being a part of my therapy has helped her to really understand how my being DID and the things that happen because of it effects me, and our time together has pulled us together like nothing on earth could between friends. If I had to do it all over again I would not change a thing. If anything I probably would have introduced SKR and C much much sooner.

[cherybery]

Gracey, I am suppose to bring my fiance to my appointment next week. I don't know if this is how you are feeling but I view my time with my pdoc as "my personal thing" I guess I can understand your T's side but I think I can also understand yours. I think it would be great to have your support system so actively involved in your therapy but on the other side of it all I can see where it could be a bit difficult. As far as not being able to actually say what you want too have you thought about writing it?
HUGS
Cher

[Hopefull]

Your T made a suggestion. If you do not want to/feel able to, then don't do it.
As for sharing the information, I tend to write it down and read it to her. It saves me from making eye contact and thinking about what she is thinking about what I am saying. Perhaps, you could write it down and just let the T read it. I never tried that because my first T had seeing problems due to diabetes. It might work for you since you choke every time you try to say it.