I don't like that!!!!!

The last two times that I have seen T one of the first things that he commented on was the brusies on my arms.. There are simple explinations.. I have a two year old that is in a pinching and biting phase. Then today he says something along the lines of well you look tan so that tells me you have been getting outside and that is good for you. I said yes, my excersize is bike riding so I am outside a lot. Then he says, well your feet are tanned (I wear flip flops a lot) so you have been outside enjoying the sun. I said yes, my kids have been spending a lot of time at their swing set. He said, good.. glad to hear that I have been outside.

The more I thought about it, the more it made me very uncomfortable. Why is T noting marks on my skin.. I know he has to look at me, but still to comment on my my appearance freaks me out. I not accuses him of checking me out or anything.. It just makes me uncomfortable that he is taking note... Tell me I am not the only one that is freaked out by this stuff?

My T is concerned that I examine her too closely.

I think t's pay too much attention too everything, but I think its part of their job

Its part of their job. My t notices EVERYTHING. It actually is something i find comforting.

Second time I met current T, he asked me about a skin condition in my face. At this point, I was still seeing him as a pdoc, not a T. He asked if I wanted a referral to a dermatologist, and asked me a bunch of questions about why I'd never had it looked at and so on. I did not find that uncomfortable, because of the way he went about it - with another person I would have wanted to sink through the floor. With him it felt kind of caring, not intrusive.

Mine too.

Once I had a pimple on my forhead and had tried to put some anti blemish on it. That maked it worse because I have sensitive skin and had and reaction to the product. So a T long time ago asked, do you mind me asking about your " thing on your forhead" and I said no. ( Because oh well it was a pimple treatment gone wrong and all my friends were making found of my attempt to " cure" it...I had a party coming up.

Then this T said ..oh so maybe you like the attention you get ,if it does not bother you when I am asking you ..uhmm I was trying not to be to self aware and be polite when you asked . I do not like the attention. Quite the opposite .. think he thought I was "sh". Only saw him once and did not go back. Next time when I have a breakout while seeing a T , I am going to say ...oh don´t comment on it I feel horrible about it, it looks ugly..and that T might say oh you should not be so self aware, we have to work on that .. It is all in the eyes of the beholder, but they have to observe us to get a full picture of both mental and physical state were are in to make a full picture.

think it would freak me out as well ... have you mentioned it makes you uncomfortable?

oh god, is that how they think? I'm freaking out now that I gave the wrong answer.

Yep - would freak me out too. T has mentioned things about my appearance a couple of times and I just want to shrink away.

The comments about your tan, etc. are compliments to you, probably very pleased to know you are getting out and exercising, etc. Those are very healthy self-care activities. Accept it as a compliment.

The comments about the bruises is probably just curiosity particularly if they were dark or numerous. People notice those kinds of things, particularly T's. Heck, even my students notice if I have a bruise or a scrape on my arm or something different like that. (Sometimes I like to entertain them with elaborate and completely fictional accounts about my war wounds. They love how long it takes some of their peers to finally figure out I'm telling a tall tale).

Don´t think you gave the wrong answer. It did sound like your T was caring and you thinking like that was a good thing. I just freaked when being asked if I enjoyed it and it was after 15 min. of conversation and quite inappropiate

Think they do notice what we wear, if we have showered and so on to see " what shape we are in"

Being commented about a tan and a tiny bruise sounds caring if you and t know eachother though the way it is described. So Like Farmergirl said it sounds like a compliment.

My x T ( not mr. pimple) commented on my (withe/greenish skintone and asked about my d-vitamin level cause she was worried and cared about me and low levels can cause depression so they have to look at the whole picture. And she wanted me to go out in the sun The way we look says alot about our mental state.

I would wear more clothes and tell the guy not to comment on my appearance. With the bruises, some people would wonder why therapist did not ask so they could get to tell about si, abusive family member etc so the bruising is a bit more of a fine line I think.

I wear layers of clothing, long sleeved cardigans, in 100˚ weather. I have worn things with a couple of sequins on it (not flashy, I don't do flashy) and he has said things like "oh, sparkles, very pretty"...arg...Now I only wear plain dark clothing. When I switched from sneakers to sandals this year he commented on my pedicure looking nice and I was thinking "wtf, don't look at my feet", so now I switch back into sneakers when I go.

my T doesn't really comment on my appearance except to say "nice scarf" or something innocuous like that. but if you're in therapy and you have a lot of bruises it's understandable that he might worry that you're self harming or being abused. sometimes people don't know how to say those things unless they are confronted with them. i would think it might actually be negligent of a T not to comment if there is a possibility the patient is being harmed.

yes, I think they notice our appearance, what else do they have to look at?
t usually doesn't comment on my appearance at all. just one time, asked me if i got my hair cut and that it looked nice.

Very good topic! I notice absolutely everything on my children and husband. My parents didn't notice a thing on me. Scenario #1 is caring and being involved. Scenario #2 is neglect because of mental health issues.

I used to think that ANY comment about me by someone else was a criticism. "Your eyes are green" ---> "What's wrong with my eyes"? I had to learn that these comments weren't criticism.

Something that I have learned along the way of my healing is body awareness. I think that it is really helpful. Maybe the T is trying to teach you this? If you shrink with his comments this tells him that this is a very fruitful area for work. Shrinking from comments indicates low self worth I think. You must want to blend into the wall on most days? It is okay to be seen.

Which reminds me, was it dangerous to be noticed while growing up?

Finally, yes, a lot of info can be gathered about a person by just looking at them. Are their shoulders slumped? Are the head and eyes down? Is the person taking time to groom and take care of themselves? Baggy clothes for hiding?

Finally, healthy people who care about you notice you.

A couple of sessions back, at the end of session, I was standing about 3 feet away from her and she suddenly said, "Don't move." She then approached me and proceeded to wipe something off my forehead. She grinned said, "Glitter." I was wearing a glittery shirt. Her approach freaked me out in the moment, but I realized it was a "motherly" gesture as I had glitter on my face.

The only time I remember her saying anything about my physical appearance (aside from compliments on certain clothes, shoes, nail polish, etc.) was early in therapy. I had a nasty sunburn on my face and neck from a day with my clients at Special Olympics. It was cool that day, so I was wearing long sleeves.

I think your T was glad to see that you are getting outside and exercising. The bruising (especially if it was extensive or deep) may be indicative of abuse (from self or others). I have actually asked T about bruises she has had. Apparently she and I are both klutzes. If you don't like your T asking about things, talk to him about it; why it bothers you and see if he will stop.

I still remember my embarrassment when I commented on T's hair (I did not like it :-) but my surprise when she smiled and said, "I don't like it either!"