[Alishia88]

I have read different views on this. The majority says, it´s not good to have more than one T because it can be contradictory.
I have also read though, even by psychologists, it can be good to have one analytical and one CB therapist or one trauma therapist and one for relationships and the rest of your life in the now. I even read you can have 2 trauma therapists, discussing one with a man and with a woman different traumas.
Anyway, my question is. I have a therapist and she recommended a grief counseling centre. I went there to talk to a counceler, but she actually meant I should join a grief-group.
I really liked the grief-counselor though. She had a lot of interesting information and interpretations on how people change when they get seriously ill and how it effects the family and so on. What should I do?
Can I go on to see the both of them? My therapist says I shouldn´t. They don´t have groups there though...

[stopdog]

Of course you can. You do not have to tell them about each other. The therapist can say they will not see you if see someone else too and tell them about it. I personally do not think it it is any of their business who else I see. And have told the main one I see that I see others. If it was a problem for the therapist, I would find another one.

[Mike_J]

I don't think there are rules that apply to everyone when it comes to therapy.

It might be a really bad idea for one person to have two therapist, but for another person it might be a GREAT idea.

Just remember you are the one who is in charge of your therapy, of who you see, and why you see them.

[Alishia88]

"Just remember you are the one who is in charge of your therapy, of who you see, and why you see them."

Thank you for reminding me!

Well, my "main" therapist (the one I saw first and told me about the grief centre)
She didn´t say she wouldn´t work with me if I did go for single grief counseling there,
but she told me to specifically ask for a group, not individual counceling. She thought it was a bad idea.
I´m also not sure I should tell the councelor I´m in therapy already (it got all a little mixed up, I think) because I´m afraid she won´t see me anymore, thinkin I´m being taken care of.... ? But she has a totally different knowledge of illness and death and grief, I believe that can really help too.

[stopdog]

Try it and see. I never discuss one therapist with any other therapist and it helps me to see more than one.

[sunrise]

I think if you are working on different things with the different therapists, it can work. At one time, I saw my regular T for the stuff we were working on, like trauma and adjustment to life transition, grief, etc. And my daughter and I went together to see a second T who was a family therapist, and we worked on our relationship. There wasn't a lot of overlap between the two and this worked well. My regular T had declined to work with my daughter and me and referred us to the family T, so he knew about it. I also see a PNP for meds and sometimes she gives me a therapy session. My T seemed surprised when I told him this as he didn't know she did psychotherapy too. But sometimes I need longer than a 15 minute meds appointment with her so she can better understand what is going on with me. And it's only once every few months. I have found I tell her different things because she is a woman (my T is male). Interesting! It's not deliberate, just what comes out of my mouth is different.

I think if you want to work on exactly the same stuff with the two Ts, it could be confusing and difficult. Might split you in two directions. And if you do need a second T for the same stuff, does it mean you aren't making progress on those things with the first T? If so, maybe it is just time to move on?

[wotchermuggle]

Hmm, I'm going against the grain in saying this, but I wouldn't do two therapists. I've done it once, when I was away at school. I would see a therapist when I was at school and one when I was at home. They did contact each other (the therapists) but honestly, it was more grief than it was worth.

I considered seeing two directly at the same time, but one was a DBT therapist with a DBT group and in DBT you aren't allowed to see anyone other than your DBT therapist.

If you find this other one interesting, you can just tell your regular T that you're interested in her approach and would like to see her to see if she can better help.

Are there any other options for grief group therapy where you live?

I know others posted about how if you're working on two different things, it could work. The thing though, is that everything is often interconnected so even if it was separate issues, they would likely come together at some point and then you're going to have to deal with two different therapists approaches to the same issue which could be complicated and potentially harmful to your recovery, if they have different views/approaches/thoughts.

[stopdog]

For me I do better with each one when I see them both than when I just see one. Even my partner notices the difference for the better. I have done it for over a year now. with fewer ill effects than when I just saw the first one.

[unaluna]

stopdog, you may be actively "splitting". this is a defense mechanism T's usually try to eliminate. so maybe it is a good short-term solution, or it works in your "rare" case. but this is a) grief counseling and b) alishia says she is afraid her first T won't see her anymore. I think honesty and openness is the best policy here. a client shouldn't be "afraid" of confronting their T or anyone - that's what we go to T to become able to do. If Alishia isn't there yet, and ends up losing T1 and staying with T2, then good. If she just sees T2 for a while, and continues to see T1, also good. But feeling like you have to hide your real feelings? isn't that what caused all our problems to begin with? it did for me, just sayin' that's how I see it. que sera, sera.

[stopdog]

I don't hide and I do tell them. I do not think being afraid of a therapist is useful in terms of this sort of thing. If the therapist does not like it, then that is the therapist's problem, not mine. I would say try it and see how it goes. If it does not work, then stop.

[Alishia88]

"alishia says she is afraid her first T won't see her anymore"

no, this is getting confusing. I´m afraid the councelor won´t see me anymore, because she´s not a psychologist/therapist and the services there are free and more thought as a temporary solution.
The first one is the "normal" regulare T.

[stopdog]

Could you just ask her and explain why you think it would be helpful to you for awhile?

[Alishia88]

Hm, I´d really rather not, because she made it clear that she doesn´t approve...
What did people mean by "splitting"?

Maybre regulare T every week and grief counceling every 2 weeks would be an option?

[stopdog]

I would give it a shot and see how it went for me. But that is just my approach.

[geez]

I love/d my first T and she has an open door policy so I can go back to her at any time but I need/ed to see someone who specializes in trauma (my marriage T recommended it based on some things that 'came up' in marriage therapy). Sooo I'm now seeing a trauma T (T2).

Not every T can specialize in everything. Go for what you need.

Just my opinion.

[Alishia88]

geez. what do you mean? both or changing?

[Big Mama]

I had 3 at the same time. One of those were just in case you have something small, I didn't see her much. But the other 2 wow. I fully needed the attention of 2 and all three at times. The two I have are supportive of one another. I can say my I talked to my in home councelor today. (she was in our home 3 days a week for 2-3 hours) The in home was very supportive of the trauma T. In fact my in home babysat my kids from time to time so I could go to trauma T. They are in no way connected. They work 100 miles apart. For two completely unrelated fields of phy. My in home and the T I only use ocassionally have corrasponded. And made sure that the one another were on the same page. They were not. It helped very much. Now I am down to one. I need more than one or more frequent visits.

So yes. Do what is right for you. Ask your current T if it would be a problem to have 2 and who she could reccomend. If it is a problem then it is up to you weather to take her advice or not.

[unaluna]

Does your original therapist know that the grief counselor's services are temporary?

By splitting, it means we look at people as good or bad, like saying, oh my h is wonderful, he is only mean to me when he's drinking. We "split off" the bad part and only see the good. If we try to see 2 T's for a long period of time, we might see one as the "good cop" and the other as the "bad cop". So instead of ever resolving our feelings, we just keep running between the 2 T's, kinda like asking Dad when Mom says no.

But I don't see why your therapist would object to your seeing the grief counselor for a few sessions, since that is all it is anyway, unless she REEEEAALLLY wants you to get into a group for some reason, but it sounds like you are getting a LOT from the counselor. Like Dear Abby used to say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it!

[velcro003]

i see two T's. one is a "general" T, and is my long-term one. The other is an EMDR-T, so her skill set is very different. T1 recommended her. I have seen them simultaneously (as in: same time, same room) for over a year, and now see T1 oone week, T2 the next...and so on. They keep in contact, and it seems to be helping.

[Alishia88]

I don´t know, hankster, I think so, because these counceling centers are really more like a crises-intervention thing, I think.
I get what you´re saying with "splitting" now.
I guess it is not likely to happen thoug if I see the councelor just once every 2 or 3 weeks and the T every week...?

[unaluna]

right, a.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Alishia88

Can I go on to see the both of them? My therapist says I shouldn´t.

You have to work it out with your therapist. Mine asked me to terminate with the other, online therapist (my T was away for 6+ weeks so I worked with an online therapist on a different area of my life). If your therapist does not want you to see another therapist while you are seeing her, it is likely it cannot work well as one T is against it and would probably not want to see you anymore as she would not want to work under those conditions. Did you tell the grief T you were already seeing an individual therapist?

[sunrise]

Did you ask the grief therapist if she knew about any grief groups at locations other than where she works? Your regular T has been working with you for a while and believed you could really be helped by a group. Maybe it would really help! I know you have the current dilemma about seeing one or two Ts, but can you also continue to look for a group?

[Alishia88]

"right, a." what do you mean?

yes, i know a different place for a group. it´s not like she TOLD me to go to a group, it was more a suggestion.
I´m not sure if I´m gonna go, now or later.
Rightnow this T/councelor business is giving me enough to work on....

Also, I´m not so sure, I´m pretty shy. Maybe i´d need a group for social fears in order to join a group for grief to be able to open up and be real there...

[unaluna]

sorry! what you said in your last post to me was correct, alishia.

"I guess it is not likely to happen thoug if I see the councelor just once every 2 or 3 weeks and the T every week...?" right, alishia. sorry for the confusion.