[lostmyway21]

How would you feel if you found out for certain that you were your T's most needy client? Since T told me today I see him more than all 60 of his clients and I have more contact with him than all of his clients, I have been feeling quite mixed up about it. I feel like a burden to him. Although he gets mad when I say I'm a burden, I just can't possibly see how I'm not. I feel like a bad client because he's invested so much into me and I do so bad sometimes. I also feel privileged that he allows me that much time and contact. I feel like he must care a lot about me and my treatment. I must admit I feel a tiny bit special for once in my life, because he recognized my needs. That's something no ones ever done. I worry I'm going to burn him out, but I try and tell myself he will make sure he doesn't. I also see why he gets frustrated with me sometimes now. I'm so appreciative of him, I just don't want to keep letting him down. Idk it's a weird mix of emotions going on.

Lost, Ive been following what you posted today. I understand your confusion, pain, and appreciation. I also hear a voice that is unsettled and wants to make you a stronger, more self-sufficient person. I know you decided on a two-week trial, but maybe it would be a good idea to go for the program you wrote about. It seems like a change would do you well and give you a chance to learn new coping mechanisms and then you could return to work with your T revitalized and able to be more settled.

[elliemay]

I would be interested in knowing the context in which he told you this. How did this even come up?

[lostmyway21]

We were taking about our relationship and he was telling me how he can't be there for me everyday. Then he said I already see you more than any other of my clients, and have more email contact with you than any other client. I asked him if he saw any other clients twice a week and he said no. He wasn't being mean at all he was just explaining what his role is supposed to be.

[unaluna]

some of us DO need more from our T's. i've been trying to get it since I was in my early 20's, but the rules were different then, and my current T wasn't even a T. My T told me last week he is very invested in me. I don't think it's anything we need to feel guilty about. Like when you do your EMT work - some runs will be easy, some will require more of you. You will probably find the more demanding runs to be more fulfilling too, just as I think our T's do.

[Chopin99]

Wow Lost, I'm just trying to figure out how your T juggles 60 clients!!! That is one heavy caseload!

Your T is obviously very invested in you, despite his heavy caseload. I'm sure he didn't tell you the info to shame you or make you feel bad for being a "burden". If he didn't want to do what he does for you, he wouldn't do it. Feel glad that he genuinely cares for you. You are fortunate to have a great T.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

Wow Lost, I'm just trying to figure out how your T juggles 60 clients!!! That is one heavy caseload!

I would imagine they are not all ones who partake of weekly therapy. So if there were ones who went every other week or other longer periods of time, or couples or families etc-it would not be so much.

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I would imagine they are not all ones who partake of weekly therapy. So if there were ones who went every other week or other longer periods of time, or couples or families etc-it would not be so much.

It would have to be or it's obviously a 60-hour week for him. Even with clients seen biweekly or monthly, trying to keep 60 stories straight...eek! I'm glad my T keeps her caseload down. For someone with chemo brain, she does an excellent job keeping my story straight. The only thing she's bad with is timelines; i.e. "I remember you told me last week that..." "I told you that two months ago." "Oh."

[stopdog]

The one I see is semi retired and still cannot keep stories straight.

[Chopin99]

I imagine if she's semi-retired, age might play a role in that?

Sorry for hijacking your thread, Lost. I'm still blown away by the 60 clients. Mine only sees between 17-24 at a time (but she only sees clients 3.5 days a week).

[pbutton]

Mine told me he was terminating 90 people.

Sorry for the hijack. I have very little to add to help anyone tonight, but I did know that interesting fact about my former T.

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by pbutton

Mine told me he was terminating 90 people.

Sorry for the hijack. I have very little to add to help anyone tonight, but I did know that interesting fact about my former T.

Holy freaking s**tsnacks, Batman...now that's a lot of clients!!!!!

Don't make me go on another rant on mental health reform...90 T-less (or T-changing people). Ridiculous!

Side note: I wonder if the T "terminating" 90 people, simply meant, officially closing their chart? That's usually something left to linger and isn't always a top priority. Clients leave, finish treatment, disappear, etc. And T's don't always get around to closing the chart. I can't imagine he/she means otherwise... Having 90 ACTIVE clients is insane.

As for being a "needy" client. I can see how it feels good, special and then it also feels like "wow you ARE doing more for me, but it doesn't quite feel like enough still and it makes me feel guilty about needing it or needing more"?

Client's are needy in different ways, and T's figure out what they are able to do. For some clients they make a decision that yes they'll have more contact or an extra session. And sometimes when they do the "extra" they do get a bit tired at times, especially when it doesn't feel like enough. T's are a human, and sometimes they do take it a bit personal when our clients aren't doing well. But T is responsible for his process and you are responsible for only yours. If T is giving you these things, I would say take them, but yes also appreciate them and realize he's human and is doing the best he can. As I am sure you are.

[rainboots87]

I'm pretty sure I was my last T's neediest client based on her reactions to my emotional outbursts. I tried (and continue to try) not to be, but it's hard when I'm falling apart and I feel like she can help me feel a little better (bc she usually can or she can at least help me tolerate it).

I know once or twice she had to consult with others about how to handle the situation, which I felt guilty and awkward about. Also, I had been texting her a bit and although she doesn't do "text therapy," she randomly told me she got a new (work cell) phone so it's easier to text. This was only in the middle of my texts to her suddenly increasing, so I kinda think it prompted her to get a phone with a keyboard to be able to respond to me more easily when a call wasn't needed or possible.

[sunrise]

Lost, it could be deliberate that your T does not have other clients that need as much as you. I have heard that some Ts only take on one or two really needy clients at a time so as to make sure they have enough time/energy for everyone. So maybe you are that one lucky one right now. If your T didn't want to keep helping you, he wouldn't. It sounds like he has enough time and energy for you; I am glad you have found him. When you have done more work in therapy, you probably won't see him twice a week or need to email him as frequently. Maybe that can be a positive motivator for you in therapy.

[Perna]

I always saw my therapist twice a week (or once a week for twice as long) but never thought of myself as needy, it was just what worked to help me best and what my therapist and I decided to do.

[cmac13]

I have often worried that I was too "needy" as a client. I have seen my therapist for over 20 years now. I see her once a week. There were times I saw her once a month but life changed and I am able to see her by choice every week. In the many years I have known her she has helped me to grow up...lacking much maternal support growing up and fending for myself emotionally has impacted me immensely. So with her help and guidance, I have been able to do so many positive things in my life I had never thought possible. She allows me to write letters to her between sessions if I feel it necessary and she allows phone calls in between sessions also (which I rarely do because I feel like then I am really bothering her) even though she reassures me that it is not a bother and she would let me know if she felt it was problematic. Here's the deal I do sometimes feel special in my head as her client. Not sure if it is because of the length of the relationship (she has a couple more clients who have been with her as long as I have), or her approach with me that is different than her approach with many other clients. She has gone above and beyond my expectations when I am dealing with very early abandonment issues. She attends one event in public with me once a year because it is an event that she enjoys and she knows I enjoy. In fact we just had our "event" this past week. This has been going on for about 15 years. I never see her otherwise outside of my session. But I do feel awesome when she does this for me. I have asked her why she continues to do this for me and she always replies "I know how much it means to you" and she also says she likes it alot too. Just this week she let me know that she, in fact, on her day off attended my photo show with a friend of hers. I had kidded her a few weeks back that she should go and see it and she DID! WOW! and the exhibit is not close to where she lives. Made me feel great...my family never went to see my show but she did. As I type this out I am smiling. So am I needy or do I just have a perfectly wonderful caring therapist?? I told her she can never retire! Ha! She is in her late 60s...