[Silent_tsol]

I think I finally figured out why I'm soo nervous in all things therapy related. I'm not used to be the focus. Ever. And the thing with therapy is it's all about the client and despite my side-track efforts, I don't get very far with my illusion of not being the client, I'm always the client so it's always about me. That's why sending a stinkin email makes my mind race. Because it's an email about me, not about the other person.

When I was in school, I was perfectly average, I flew under that radar. I was well behaved, smart -but not enough to draw attention, and quiet. I went to a small school, with small classes but most of the time teacher's couldn't remember my name.

Same thing at home. I was well behaved, I didn't cause trouble, I got good grades and kept my room clean. I was quiet and didn't draw attention. I was the opposite of my sister who required a lot of attention and caused plenty of trouble.

[skeksi]

My T patiently explained this to me once to help me understand why I was having such a hard time with the process.

It's nice to have a place where I CAN be the center of attention. Scary--but also liberating, no?

[Hope-Full]

Totally scary being the sole focus after flying under the radar and not making waves for so long, your whole life, really. I was the same way, and I used to take a good 10-15 minutes making small talk and chit chat with T before I could dive in. It's taken a lot of time to get used to this odd therapeutic relationship, but it is worth the time, cause if you let T, they can really help! (and now I can jump right into the important stuff as soon as T sits down!)

[Chopin99]

Silent, I went through this with my first T. It was very hard to have someone just pay attention to me. I flew under the radar most of my life up to that point.

Eventually, I got used to it.

[Silent_tsol]

I don't like it one bit right now. I start off with the small talk, then when she tries to nice to a real topic I start shifting onto other people's crisises. (ie. My sister did....., my mom is....... , I'm worried about the ex.....)
This kind of helps me see way I never have anything to talk about. Like I know there's something in my head, and I either avoid it or don't think it's something to talk out loud about- because it's about me.

[Perna]

Yes, I came to understand that too; I kept a low profile because to be noticed by my stepmother was to be criticized. So, anything out of the normal where I was stuck in the limelight, it was like, "what am I doing here, I don't belong here" as I tried to scramble out of the way. I still vividly remember being in the hallway for some classroom misdemeanor (talking, passing notes, the usual) and wondering that, "How'd I get here? I shouldn't be here!" It's like I'd forget my role :-)