I am really missing therapy.

Since I ended regular therapy in June, my oldest son has unexpectedly had to have pretty major surgery (and I've become his wound care nurse/nutritionist), my mom disappeared for a few days, and now my grandma is dying, and that's bringing up some things for me

My T is available for me...he's way too busy to schedule last-minute sessions, but I can send him an e-mail and he will e-mail something helpful and supportive back, and if I really needed to, I could talk to him on the phone. That really does help.

But it feels like what would help even more would be to have that space once a week to just "be". To decompress and not be surrounded by my noisy boys and the busy-ness of my life, and to be cared for and heard. A place to bring my stuff and leave it. A place to talk to someone who understands completely why certain things are hard for me.

I'm realizing now that when I left therapy, I was partly leaving for me, and partly doing it for T. I knew he was absolutely committed to working through whatever we needed to work through...and I also knew it was really hard and if I just left, neither of us would have to work through it anymore.

I have an appointment with him in 8 days. I saw him after my son's surgery and scheduled something two weeks out "just in case". But part of me wishes I could just have an hour a week, every week. Right now, our relationship feels totally different than it ever did. I know I'm loved, I know he is there to support me, and that's enough. All of the intensity that was there for so many years is gone. It's more like we're two adults talking to each other (which we ARE) than the huge powerful transference thing it used to be.

I guess I'm just thinking out loud. I just really miss the good things about therapy right now.

[Wren_]

Do you think the two of you could go back to regular therapy again and have that once a week appointment now that you've worked through some of the things that were difficult between you?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by nightsky

But it feels like what would help even more would be to have that space once a week to just "be". To decompress and not be surrounded by my noisy boys and the busy-ness of my life, and to be cared for and heard. A place to bring my stuff and leave it. A place to talk to someone who understands completely why certain things are hard for me.

Yes, this!

[geez]

((nightsky)) My First T and my current T said that we are never really 'done' with therapy. We may take breaks for a while but things do happen in life and there's nothing wrong with needed to go back as needed.

If what you need right now is a once a week appointment then you should ask for that. Take care of yourself.

So, my grandma died. I literally can't make myself open my mouth to tell my H or my kids.

I really don't need a bunch of "I'm sorry"s...I know everyone here is so kind and it's not necessary. I think I'm just writing it here for practice. I can't say it out loud.

Tomorrow is the day I had T for years and years. I wish I had T tomorrow

Sorry to hear you grandma passed. Had she been ill for awhile? Even if we know it is coming, the loss is hard to swallow. Do tell you family; they will want to know and they will also be mourning her loss. Why don't you give your T a call or drop him an email just to touch base with him about this? I'm sure he would want to know.

no, she hadn't been ill, just old. we found out yesterday that she was dying...she had been in the hospital for a few days with pneumonia, but we hadn't been called by my aunts and uncles because it's pretty common for her to have pneumonia.

I did e-mail my T. Thanks, Chris.

Pneumonia is what ultimately ended my sister's life. She, too, was put in the hospital and gone from the pneumonia in a matter of about 48 hours. It is so hard on old people and those with compromised immune systems. Glad you contacted your T. I'm sure he will be really supportive of you right now.

[purple_fins]

Sorry for the loss of your grandma.

I hope you can hold tight to all the times you got to be with her, and allow those thoughts/feelings to help with the sadness. (I never got to be with a grandma so I feel anyone that got that chance, to actually get to know an ancestor is so so fortunate... not that I"m taking away from your loss-- just trying to help in showing a fortunate part of knowing grandparents)

I hope that someday, you can find those things you miss from a T. -- within your friendships, marriage and yourself....

To decompress and not be surrounded by my noisy boys and the busy-ness of my life, and to be cared for and heard. A place to bring my stuff and leave it. A place to talk to someone who understands completely why certain things are hard for me

I do believe that those things are "out there" too! Not just in a T.s office. (though I haven't ever been able to attain any of it yet)
and for some (like me) that haven't friends, and are in abusive/messed up relationships--
I think therapy is supposed to challenge us to be able to have friends on our own, to decompress on our own and be cared for and heard from by friends and our partners, to lean on those friends and partners when in sadness....
someday I'd like to get there --- I hope that for you too.

fins

Originally Posted by purple_fins

I think therapy is supposed to challenge us to be able to have friends on our own, to decompress on our own and be cared for and heard from by friends and our partners, to lean on those friends and partners when in sadness....

I agree. And I've made progress, but I'm not 100% there and it sure would be nice to have the safe space of therapy sometimes. Learning how to be in relationships is really hard for me.

I am sorry about your gramma, my gramma saved my sister and i while we were growing up. she was very special to me and i miss her.

i think you should call and go see t. once a week for yourself is a good thing. i am now going weekly to t and it is making a big difference. we need that time.

sending safe hugs

[purple_fins]

Learning how to be in relationships is really hard for me.

Yea, I can really relate to this too
Our histories can sure put kinks in how we go about our adult life

thinking of you

fins

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry about your grandma, nightsky. I know you will and T will make the correct decision about your therapy. I'm glad he has an "open door policy" and that he would welcome you back as needed, or weekly if you choose to do so.

Nightsky...I'm glad you contacted your t. Maybe the relationship changed because you don't need the same things from T as you used to. Maybe its time to work on different stuff than you did in the past. I'll be thinking about you.

[elliemay]

Grief is a natural extension of love I'm afraid - a reflection of the fullness of it. I am sorry for your loss and hope that there were some moments with your grandmother where you got to say goodbye.

I'm sure you do miss therapy. That's kind of natural don't you think? Therapy can be a lot things, one of them for sure is a place to suspend and process life.

Please take care in the coming days. It's not going to be easy, but do honor your sadness. It's telling you something I think.

[sittingatwatersedge]

(((((((((((((((( nightsky )))))))))))))) I will keep your grandmother & you in my prayers. Myself, I had no grandmothers & only one grandfather, but he was my hero and his passing left a big empty space.
BTW pneumonia took my Mom, too. Don't want to hijack yr thread at all but thought I would remind the PC folk that there is a pneumonia vaccine out there - you need take it only something like every 7 yrs.

Originally Posted by nightsky

it feels like what would help even more would be to have that space once a week to just "be". To decompress and not be surrounded by my noisy boys and the busy-ness of my life, and to be cared for and heard. A place to bring my stuff and leave it. A place to talk to someone who understands completely why certain things are hard for me..

Lots of the 'rich and famous' have a T permanently on call, as it were, for these same reasons; and I've decided that it's a very practical & helpful resource to set up for oneself. No reason it should be limited to the R&F either. I am thinking that, if T2 is willing, we might make some sort of permanent arrangement too, whenever the main work is 'done'.

Your appt in 8 days will be a good opportunity to look at how this might be for you and T. But no pressure - you don't have to decide right then - just let unfold whatever will. I am hoping the best for you

[skeksi]

My sympathy on your grandmother's death.

Originally Posted by nightsky

But it feels like what would help even more would be to have that space once a week to just "be". To decompress and not be surrounded by my noisy boys and the busy-ness of my life, and to be cared for and heard. A place to bring my stuff and leave it. A place to talk to someone who understands completely why certain things are hard for me.

I understand this so much. Whether you decide to go back to T, or whether you find another way to get that hour of peace within yourself, I hope you do find that time and space. It's important to make time for yourself and what you need, and so easy for us to let it slide.