Does anyone else ever feel guilty for spending money on themselves? I love buying things for my partner,kids and grand kids and tend to over spend on them. I put my needs last. I'll buy my partner stuff she wants and then wear clothes that are too big or glasses that are broke because I feel guilty spending money on me.

[stopdog]

I don't feel guilty but I have never been the sole breadwinner for a household. My partners have always been about equal to me in terms of money. I figure I work for it and after taking care of pets and house, it's mine to use. My partner can use hers on her. I don't particularly like presents - I am not keen on others spending money on me.

[Wren_]

I do ... the only thing i really spend money on for me is therapy and i figured if i didn't do that i'd be dead so that one snuck past somehow as an allowable expense otherwise it's hard

These days I feel guilty for spending money on anything! Fuel, food... But yeah, anything 'unnecessary' for myself, for sure, because I'm having to rely on my parents for a lot right now since my breakdown... I don't really feel guilty spending money on therapy, because I feel it's constructive, necessary, and my way out of this situation... but I feel guilty that my dad helps me pay for it.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Does anyone else ever feel guilty for spending money on themselves? I love buying things for my partner,kids and grand kids and tend to over spend on them. I put my needs last. I'll buy my partner stuff she wants and then wear clothes that are too big or glasses that are broke because I feel guilty spending money on me.

you deserve the best lola dont feel guilty

We share money and I make 3 times what she does.

[stopdog]

If you are putting your needs behind their wants, what does it get you? I mean I get putting The partner's medicine before your new party shoes, but why do you have broken glasses to buy someone else a treat? You, in my opinion, are allowed to have care for yourself and I consider seeing well a reasonable care for oneself. I am not meaning to be harsh, but LC I think you do get to take of yourself too. And not behind everyone else all the time.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

We share money and I make 3 times what she does.

I think its about time you bought yourself something nice Lolacabanna, How about some new glasses?? Go and spoil yourself for the day...there is nothing like some retail therapy to cheer a person up!

[sconnie892]

I understand that feeling all too well, but won't go into the details.
There's a difference between splurging on yourself and taking care of yourself. You deserve clothing that fits and glasses that aren't broken. That's taking care of yourself.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Does anyone else ever feel guilty for spending money on themselves?

yes, I do. I always think that what my family needs/wants is way more important then my own. I am working on it though.

[autotelica]

I do feel guilty for certain selfish qualities I have, but spending money on myself is not one of them. No one else is spending money on me. No one else is around to look after me. So I have to do it.

For the longest time I was the biggest ascetic. I am still frugal and self-depriving, but I'm starting to feel that I can't completely free myself from depression unless I learn to have some fun. And spending money is a part of this.

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

yes, I do. I always think that what my family needs/wants is way more important then my own. I am working on it though.

I am GOING TO HAVE TO WORK, on working on that.

Me and my partner had a long talk last night over this issues. Turns out I'm projecting. Take her to a few sessions and she has the lingo down..haha

Turns out...I don't know how to ask for things, such as my needs to be met. I always assumed she should know and when she doesn't I take it as she doesn't care about me.

This led to a conversation of what "needs being met" really were for her or me. Turns out she is getting her needs met. Its I who is not, because she has no idea what they are. I on the other hand just know what hers are, i am like a boy-scout, always prepared, thinking 12 steps ahead. But she doesn't work that way and actually NEEDS me to tell her my NEEDS....

"aint that a kick' in the head", oh.. Sinatra for you younger ones ...LOL

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Does anyone else ever feel guilty for spending money on themselves? I love buying things for my partner,kids and grand kids and tend to over spend on them. I put my needs last. I'll buy my partner stuff she wants and then wear clothes that are too big or glasses that are broke because I feel guilty spending money on me.

Always. My T and I were discussing this in my last session. I feel like I have to justify every purchase for myself...want never comes in to it. If I just want something, then I don't deserve to have it. I can only have stuff if I need it or can justify it.

My T has asked me to try and change the questions I ask myself before buy things. Instead of my first question being "can I justify this" or "do I deserve this", she wants me to ask "do I need it? Do I want it? Why?" And the why should be just an open curiosity, not an attempt to justify. It's hard, but I like the way it feels to just try and figure out why I want something rather than how I can justify it. I like being able to meet the things I want without feeling guilty because I couldn't justify it. It's a constant challenge not to slip back in to feeling guilty and needing to justify things, though.