Do you thank your T?

No I don't thank my T. The government pays her handsomely for each of my sessions - I think that is thanks enough!

he says it's because he appreciates how hard it is, that he is thankful for what i'm sharing, for trusting him etc. for my part; yes he is paid and very well but I feel a deep sense of appreciation and gratitude that goes beyond that and isn't connected with payment as such

I am grateful for his consistent dedication to helping me improve my life or at least improve how I deal with my life. It is cumulative as I see it. He doesn't just tolerate talking to me for a hour a week or whatever. It is more than thanking him for his "services". He very clearly wants me to feel better, about myself and my life, and works each and every time we talk to help me get to that place. THAT deserves a thank you every now and then. Do I thank him each and every week? No, probably not. But I do thank him very sincerely for his commitment to my well-being and for "teaching" me skills that consistently have improved my life.

And yes, sometimes he thanks me too. He thanks me for trusting him with the things deepest in my soul. He knows how difficult that is and he is showing me his appreciation for my courage and trust. Thankfulness isn't just about services rendered. It is about honoring people for their hard work, and personally I WORK HARD in therapy, so it is really nice to hear him recognize and HONOR the work that I am doing with him for myself.

i think this really captures a big part of itfor me

I don't see it as my place to "honor" a therapist for therapy nor them me. Frankly I don't get the whole "honor" concept either. I must go read on it.

Stopdog, I do get you. I was having flashes of anger back and forth when I thought about sending my T a thank you & a closing picture from my vacation. I didn't want to feel indebted or vulnerable. I'm sure I'll go right back to that place again sometime tomorrow. For now I am ok with it though. It's all part of my "try something new" thing.

I am glad you are alright with it pbutton. I hope the good feeling does not change for you.

Oh, it will go away. I am sloooooooooooooow at learning this intimacy/interacting with people stuff. If I quit paying attention I start fighting it again.

gratitude has become like a whole separate entity in my therapy, it's that big, that palpable.

See. There we go. Now I'm triggered and skeeved out. What was that, like 20 seconds later??

Hell, if that hit me that hard, you probably just KILLED poor stopdog.

maybe this is part of what i'm experiencing also

which part is triggery with it?

For me stopdog, I have had many other T's, and until now it has not worked for me. If I had seen this thread when I was seeing my last T or any other than my current, I think I may have been baffled as well.

I think what happens, is that the ability to facilitate real change in someone else gives one pause and causes one to think and to reflect on what is required to make that happen. And that is not to say that you have not experienced real change, because I was able to attain certain skills from others T's which were valuable and made life more manageable for me. However when you experience a profound internal shifting due to the work that your T has facilitated, I think that engenders gratitude. And what better way to express that appreciation than to give a genuine heartfelt thanks.

[note: the following is NOT a reflection of how I feel about hankster, it's about why this is punching me right in the crazy. It's my version of making it about me and how I get the willies.]

Something about being that needy and dependent and ... pathetic and sad and gross and ingratiating and less than.

I know, it's all me. It's not what she said. It's my way of keeping my "power". Part of my intimacy issues, I'm certain.

My daughter went to a gym class for infants. At the end of the session, each child would get a jelly-bean, provided they said thank-you.

My daughter dug her toes in and would not say thank you.

Her pride was worth more than a jelly-bean.

those feelings are really hard ones to have ... it's strange I have them with other parts of therapy but not with the gratitude part

i wonder what it would have been like if someone had said thanks but refused the jellybean
thinking more in general rather than with the infants

I have told the woman thank you after an offer of a favor. I refused the favor.

I get this. I recently said to T, "Thanks for the advice but I won't be taking it."

I think the one I see has enough sense not to offer me advice.

I thank him the end of each session and via email when he helps me with something. I want him to feel appreciated for the work he does! Not just with me, but his life work.

On a few occasions I have thanked t in the middle of a session. I sometimes thank her as I am leaving.

I don't understand why this is the client's place. I assume the one I see is getting something out of it for herself if she has really been a therapist as long as she says she has. And I sincerely hope the reason is not because she seeks gratitude from clients. They chose to do it as a job or career for whatever reason. I don't see it as my place nor is it particularly an interest of mine to try to ensure that the therapist feel appreciated. I don't know why I would care one way or the other. I don't appreciate them particularly. They are doing their job and I pay for it. I have no desire to take care of the therapist. I wish I was better at explaining what I am trying to express here.

Maybe it's just different for all of us ? I do appreciate T and do want him to know that I appreciate and value what we are doing. I think you are expressing it well. What you said about taking care of, is interesting also because I know I do feel some of that wanting to take care of going on; being concerned for etc.

It isn't about taking care of the therapist. It is just simply showing gratitude for their help and their work with you. Do you ever thank people for helping you, working with you, being there for you? That is what most people do; we acknowledge others for their good work. Perhaps you don't feel your therapist does good work and that is why you don't understand those of us that do?