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#51
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I say "thanks" at the end of every session, I think. But it is more of an automatic thing than genuine thankfullness. I am way too self-centered to worry about that right now
![]() On a complete sidenote: Stopdog, I've been thinking, and I wonder if your thinking process is very different than most. There has been research showing that abuse/trauma (I know you hate those words, but i will stand by in my belief that is what you went through) changes how the brain grows-stunts certain nerve pathways or something. Clearly I am not very knowledgable on it, but my T has explained it a little to me. |
![]() stopdog
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#52
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i do understand what you are saying stopdog. It probably is not a client's 'place' and i doubt my therapist is seeking gratitude from me. but if someone is kind to me, or does something to help or support me, i'm gonna say thank you. it does not matter if it's someone's job or someone just being themselves. i don't see appreciation as taking care of her. If anything, it's more taking care of me and having the good feeling of appreciation. and If I'm having that good feeling, why not share it?
but that's just me. ![]() Quote:
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Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~ ![]() |
![]() critterlady, stopdog, Sunne
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#53
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I haven't thanked my therapist after every session, but any time I have gotten something out of it, I always tell her about it - often by text or email - and I thank her. And while it's not every single session, it's often enough that I think my therapist feels well appreciated ![]()
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![]() rainbow8
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#54
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#55
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Other than that, I really am a firm believer that there is too little affirmation in the world. I think if people were more free with affirmation, there would be fewer societal ills.
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![]() critterlady, rainbow_rose
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#56
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I think there is way too much free affirmation. It is like a constant deluge. I feel like it is nearly impossible to get away from the incessent showering of praise for even the most minimal of situations. It never crossed my mind there might be too little of it. I am not criticizing CM, I am just really surprised at perhaps how different I may be on this sort of thing. |
#57
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Your reference to your therapist as "the woman" is revealing. There seems to be an absence of emotional intimacy. And that very well could be your preferred relational way of being. The difference in intimacy also might explain why so many of the others here find it easy to feel grateful for their therapeutic relationship, which at this point appears to be mysterious to you? Just a thought...
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![]() rainbow8
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#58
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#59
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Perhaps. but I don't feel particularly grateful to those with whom I am legitimately intimate nor do I want them to be grateful to me. I am serious when I say it feels condescending (and something else I have not quite narrowed down to be able to describe) to me both to have it expressed to me and I am not certain how it would not be condescending were I to say such a thing to a therapist. There is no way the therapist could thank me and it not be condescending.
I thought calling her the woman was less distant than calling her that therapist. And what I see others describing as the part that is not paid for is what I do think some of therapy is supposed to do - so it is their job and it is what the client pays for - in my opinion. Again - I am not trying to talk anyone out of it - but I am the unthankful the OP mentioned. |
#60
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![]() autumnleaves
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#61
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When we got to the part in this thread where you were looking for those that don't thank their t's, I was ready to move permanently under the bed. For me its not that I don't appreciate whatever she's done, but by the time I'm half way through "bye" I've also bolted half way down the stairs. And I've also usually used up my word quota and would really just like too be hiding in my car driving away as soon as the stand up move towards door begins.
Maybe that will be a goal, I kinda feel guilty for just assuming that my return means I'm thankful |
![]() CantExplain
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#62
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My therapist hasn't 'thanked me for doing therapy.' However, with tears in her eyes, on more than one occasion she has thanked me for trusting her with my pain, with my innermost vulnerabilities, my brokenness. She says it is a priceless gift. And she really does treat it like that. It's the relationship, Stopdog.. it's the relationship. The trust, the intimacy. It's the joy of life.
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![]() critterlady, rainbow_rose
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#63
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Or you could join me on the dark side.
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![]() autumnleaves, WikidPissah
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#64
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pbutton, maybe that's a transference thing? Gratitude really isn't needy, dependent, subservient, and certainly does not speak to being "less than." I used to have REAL intimacy issues. I could not, *would not* do any of that attachment mumbo-jumbo. Gave me the creeps just to hear my therapist talking about it. When I had my heels dug in, squarely determined to NOT fall into that useless trap, I had all kinds of ways of perceiving emotional intimacy, attachment, etc. that was a product of my emotionally unavailable parents. Quite a few years down the road, it turns out that my therapist was able to work some kind of magic that enabled me to attach to her and find out how intimate relationships really do work. I'll forever be grateful (sorry Stopdog!)
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#65
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Sorry Stopdog.. I really don't mean to be excessive and I don't mean to use 'over the top wording,' It's probably clear to anyone who reads my missives that I do love words. When I post here, I almost never edit before posting. What you read, is what came out as I typed it. You may just have to overlook it, but please know that there is nothing about it on my part that is contrived. It's just me. Just like you are you. And I obviously enjoy interacting with you.
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#66
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#67
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I always say thanks as I'm leaving. I don't say it just to be polite, I say it because I am so thankful for the help and support, and I really, really mean it. I sure hope my therapist knows just how thankful I am. Sometimes if it's been tough, or if I've finally reached something I was aiming for, I'll say "thanks for all your patience" or "thanks for sticking with me".
Nobody else truly stuck it out with me or gave me the help or support I always needed. As my therapist has helped me change my life around, I'm pretty comfortable being thankful and telling her that I am. Last edited by Nightlight; Aug 17, 2012 at 03:27 AM. |
![]() CantExplain, Wren_
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#68
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I wasn't asking as a right or wrong type thing; just curious from my own experience and what I read
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![]() rainbow_rose
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#69
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I always thank my T's (all 3 of them) can't imagine not doing it. It would feel really rude to me, not to.
splitimage |
#70
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#71
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I wrote my old T a really long letter for our closing session telling her thank you for each and every way she has helped me and helped me relate to others and take care of myself emotionally. I do not care if it was her job or not, what she did for me money cannot buy, her service was life changing and I will be forever grateful and if that makes me needy or pathetic, so be it. I don't think there is anything worng with acknowlodging a good job done: whether you are paid or not paid to me it doesn't matter it is the care and time you put into it. She is passionate about her job and cares and that is more than can be said for other proffessions, sure she gets paid well but you could just take the money and not care if you help people.
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#72
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![]() while in therapy with her, most of the times I did thank her for seeing me- not every day but when I had thanked her she'd say no problem or that is what she is there for. I don't remember her ever thanking me for coming in though- though maybe in a way of- It was nice to see you today- which I think was just a nice thing to say right? I think it may be a personality thing with thanking someone else for them trying to help one out ... maybe? like a to each their own.... I am glad that so many have such good stories with their T's-- does give a little hope ![]()
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#73
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#74
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#75
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I am still triggered by the neediness thing, so I'm setting that aside for a bit.
![]() My T thanked me for sharing FIVE times after I told him something fairly personal. I mostly thought it was interesting & was thinking "dude, I have WAYYY weirder stuff to share." ![]() |
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