So its only my second appt with her so we are still sussing each other out. She asked how I was after last week, I smiled and said ok, she said no really, how were you after? I told her not so good. She asked did I reflect on what we discussed, I said "yes".
So then we got down to business, She asked how I felt about hiding my sexuality from my parents, I said "fine, its really none of their business!"
She then pried further and asked how I got on with them....not this is a very tricky subject for me as I have a complicated relationship with them. There is no llove pr hugs or communication in my house especially when I was growing up. T was v surprised, I told her about how my mam was with me( she basically ignores everything I say, provokes me, she is emotionally unavailable and sometimes pysically hurts me) I never told anyone all of this... T told me to look her in the eye, she said Button, did you discuss this with your last T? I said we skimmed over the no commmunication and no love part. T shook her head, she said Button this is very serious, your mam is very sick lady, its not normal to treat her children like this, she needs help. Please consider moving out and getting away from her abuse. I was like What.. abuse, thats just my mam, she has always been like tht, T looked at me with her big blue eyes and said, this is not a healthy place for you, you have done nothing wrong, you are so used to the abuse you don't see it anymore...I am worried for your safety.
Anyway we discussed this for most of the session, I was always wondering what was wrong with my mother but never mentioned it to anyone, she needs help. T told me that she is a mother and would never even dream of speaking or treating her daughter like that.
I am very upset, I am used to her behaviour and its not that bad, I think T was over reacting a bit, she said I should confront my mother about her behaviour. I said no way as I was scared how she would react, she said if your mam hits you or is violent ring 911...I feel really confused about all of this as I don't think its abuse.

[CantExplain]

((Button30)):hug

[pbutton]

I have trouble with anyone saying that my family situation is bad. To me it just is what it is. I either feel like T is exaggerating or I am just too stupid and have spent my whole life misunderstanding. (Neither of those things are true, we just learn to deal with the crappy hand we were dealt.)

Originally Posted by pbutton

(Neither of those things are true, we just learn to deal with the crappy hand we were dealt.)

That's exactly right... My life was my normal and your life is your normal. In T we learn that maybe our normal isn't so normal after all. Is only your second appointment , so T doesn't have all the facts, but you do... Is there even a hint of truth there that you don't want to recognize? Its typical of people who were abused to minimize it as again to them it was just normal.

Originally Posted by pbutton

I have trouble with anyone saying that my family situation is bad. To me it just is what it is. I either feel like T is exaggerating or I am just too stupid and have spent my whole life misunderstanding. (Neither of those things are true, we just learn to deal with the crappy hand we were dealt.)

Exactly, it is what it is and always will be that way...T was asking what I proposed to do about it and I said nothing and again she said, I am very concerned this is a very dangerous situation you are in...its called life T, get over it,lol

[Shishkeberry]

Just like me, your "normal meter" is broken. It was shocking to me as well when I realized what abuse was. I knew that I had been abused as child, but I had no idea just how bad until I was older.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

That's exactly right... My life was my normal and your life is your normal. In T we learn that maybe our normal isn't so normal after all. Is only your second appointment , so T doesn't have all the facts, but you do... Is there even a hint of truth there that you don't want to recognize? Its typical of people who were abused to minimize it as again to them it was just normal.

I dont want to admit its not normal, I know its not normal, not when I see other happy families but it is my life and my family and I don't appreciate her making out that it is that bad. No one is perfect, especially my mother. She has issues, lots of them but T said I was making excuses for her and maybe I am bu at the end of the day I only have one mother

Originally Posted by Shishkeberry

Just like me, your "normal meter" is broken. It was shocking to me as well when I realized what abuse was. I knew that I had been abused as child, but I had no idea just how bad until I was older.

It actually a shock when you realise what has been happening and that is why you are always sad and isolating yourself because your mother has made you feel so bad that no one would want to be your friend

[Wren_]

the part i found weird is that your T said to confront your mother after saying get away from the situation

button ... hopefully working with your T will help with all of this

she said to confront her about the abuse and then get away from the situation. It made no sense to me as by confronting her would make her very angry and she has no control over her anger at all and I would be putting myself in danger, so for me would be better to get away from situation without provoking her.

[Wren_]

that's what i meant about it being weird to say that

Originally Posted by button30

she said to confront her about the abuse and then get away from the situation. It made no sense to me as by confronting her would make her very angry and she has no control over her anger at all and I would be putting myself in danger, so for me would be better to get away from situation without provoking her.

I agree get away before you decide to confront. Sounds to me like you care for your mother and saw this as an attack of sorts on her. It doesn't have to be that way, lots of people can process these things , talk with the parent and go on to have a great relationship with the parent. Others choose to process things as they continue to deal with the parent "as is" and yet others severe the ties with the parent. No matter what your choice, look out for you first. You may only have one mother but you didn't choose her.

Thank you for making me think about it Tigergirl, yes it is weird but I do think she has my best interests at heart.

[critterlady]

I'm surprised she would advise confronting your mother so early in the process. It's not likely she's had time to help you develop the tools to be able to do that.

I think the most common response to abuse is to think it wasn't that bad. It's a survival mechanism. I tell T about some of the things that happened (or didn't happen) when I was a kid and he looks at me and says "you don't know how awful that sounds, do you?"

That last line really resonated with me Lolacobanna,
"you only have one mother but you didn't choose her" that is so true. If I could exchnge her for T I would in a flash, yes I care about her, I think thats normal to someone you have been close to no matter how they treat you but I just wish she loved me and realised that I am not a bad person like she keeps telling me.

I am surprised too as this is not the reason I went to her for in the first place, we only have six sessions together and I don't want to spend them talking about my mother...
I am sorry you had such a bad childhood critterlady, I hope adult life has been better

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by button30

I am surprised too as this is not the reason I went to her for in the first place, we only have six sessions together and I don't want to spend them talking about my mother...
I am sorry you had such a bad childhood critterlady, I hope adult life has been better

Thank you, button. I had to chuckle at myself - I read that and said to myself, "eh, it wasn't that bad."

[Shishkeberry]

When I finally realized what was going on, I cut my mother out of my life. I haven't spoken to her in three months. But it was easier for me because I live two hours away from her. I haven't lived with her in eight years. That might not be the right thing for you, but I feel so free now that her spectre isn't looming over me and my family. It still hurts but overall things are better.

I think we are all in denial lol as you said its a surviving mechanism

Originally Posted by button30

That last line really resonated with me Lolacobanna,
"you only have one mother but you didn't choose her" that is so true. If I could exchnge her for T I would in a flash, yes I care about her, I think thats normal to someone you have been close to no matter how they treat you but I just wish she loved me and realised that I am not a bad person like she keeps telling me.

There's that word normal again, lol I choose limited contact with both my parents as in 3 to 5 times every 10 years need it or not, so I guess I'm NOT normal. Honey you can't make her love you the way you want to be loved unless she knows shes not doing it right and is willing to change, but I'm glad you recognize you are not a bad person...that's a positive step. For me my parents were were not willing to admit, change or acknowledge ( father) there was anything wrong...my mom said she did the best she could and that answer was just not good enough for me. My mother was who she IS long before me. Im sorry your hurting.

Awh, Lola that must have been hard for you but you have to do what is right for you! Parents more often than not will not change especially if they don't see anything wrong with what they are doing! And you know counselling opens our eyes to a lot of things around us that need changing! I would recommend everyone have therapy! But I know my parents would rather die than talk about their feelings

Shiskeberry, I am glad things are better for you and you did what was right for you and so dear it set you free! Thank. You for sharing that as it makes my decisions easier! I have been thinking of moving away for a long time now!

[WikidPissah]

button, I am glad your T is making you see that it's not healthy to be in the situation you are in. I am sorry your mother abuses you...that sux. I hope you can find the resources to make a move away from her. You deserve peace.

[Shishkeberry]

(((button))) We only get one chance at life and it's too short to spend it with people who treat us badly, no matter who they are.

Originally Posted by button30

Awh, Lola that must have been hard for you but you have to do what is right for you! Parents more often than not will not change especially if they don't see anything wrong with what they are doing! And you know counselling opens our eyes to a lot of things around us that need changing! I would recommend everyone have therapy! But I know my parents would rather die than talk about their feelings

Originally Posted by Shishkeberry

(((button))) We only get one chance at life and it's too short to spend it with people who treat us badly, no matter who they are.

It wasnt hard once I realized what Sishkeberry just said.