[mixedup_emotions]

Maybe I am.

I'm tired. More tired than I've been in a long time. Life has been a battle. A constant climb. I'm tired.

T says my life is better. Significantly better. From the outside, perhaps it is. It's certainly less destructive.

T says I'm not being abused by a spouse or an employer anymore. That's very true.

I'm no longer in an unhealthy marriage, that I was in for 15 years and got out of 3 years ago - but am now left without any affection, emotional connection, physical intimacy, financial assistance, help around the house, help with our child...

I am left with the feelings of worthlessness, that no one could ever possibly love someone like me...feeling so ugly and defective...leaving me fearful of ever trying to venture out into the world.

Having to let go of the beliefs of "well, at least he found me attractive, he loved me enough to marry me, I'm worth something"...

I'm no longer in an abusive work environment where I was walking on eggshells every day....but I'm also left without the confidence of being of value to my clients and the fulfillment of enjoying fun and close relationships with wonderful coworkers....and, of course, the decent paycheck that proved to my family that I was worth something - that I wasn't the loser they said I would be, who would never make something of herself, especially without an education.

Now, as a single, unemployed mom...with only a couple months left of unemployment and no full time work...my family can finally be "right"....

...I'm left with enduring the emotional pain of loneliness and feelings of worthlessness - as well as excruciating physical pain almost daily....and the stress of putting a roof over our heads and providing for my daughter who deserves so much - and not knowing what's going to happen in a mere couple of months...

My life is "significantly better", according to my T....But that doesn't mean I feel good right now. Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself....

But EFF-U, T for saying that my life is "cake".



...I have no idea how I will ever work through past CSA's and other abuse with a T who can minimize what I'm feeling....I can hear it now, "But that was a long time ago! Get over it!".....

[Sannah]

I don't think that he was saying that your life is cake.

[CantExplain]

Unemployment and solo parenthood are serious challenges and you have my sympathy.

[learning1]

I'm sorry MUE. For what it's worth, I think my T is implying the same thing (that I feel sorry for myself too much, or, for me, that my issues are not worth talking about. I'm glad your t didn't say that to you.). I have a LOT less immediate stress in my life right now than you do, and it still feels awful to hear t say things like that. I hope it helps a little to know you're not the only one whose t is saying stuff like that, and your t very obviously has less justification than mine does, since you've got so much on your plate.

The issue of getting a job (and figuring out what to do about your finances if you don't) is very concrete and I don't know how therapists can be helpful with that. They usually have such a long term approach- the client will deal with [whatever issue is on the table] when they're ready. I wonder if your t is feeling helpless. He pretty much is helpless I suppose- he can't do anything about getting you a job. If he patiently waits around in therapy to help you deal with whatever emotional issues might be making it difficult to find a job, obviously that wouldn't help you maintain the standard of living you want.

I wonder if anyone else on here had a good experience with getting support that was useful in therapy when they had a crisis that needed immediate action, like needing to get a job. I wonder how therapy helped.

Mixed who gives a flip what T says, so wallow for a bit. I agree with CE , single parent hood , unemployment those seem like real issues ... Just because T doesn't thinks it's as bad as it used to be doesn't me it doesn't feel bad. I think sometimes we need to wallow as long as we don't simmer in it for too long. Each day brings the chance for new things to occur. So when you your ready, pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get out there and prove your family wrong, not for them but for you. If your T did say it was "cake" he/she deserves an ear full. IMO

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks, everyone.....everything is so swirly in my head right now. I imagine T is feeling frustrated with me because he sees me headed for a train wreck and only I can do something about that...and I'm at a standstill. Maybe he does feel helpless.

But considering the type of therapy that T does, focusing on feelings in the here-and-now, I would've expected that he would TELL me how he's feeling - instead of making statements that minimize what I'm going through.

We've been down this road before, and it seems that when T is feeling helpless, he goes off the deep end with how he treats me.

Maybe he needs to see a T about how to manage those feelings.....

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by learning1

I wonder if anyone else on here had a good experience with getting support that was useful in therapy when they had a crisis that needed immediate action, like needing to get a job. I wonder how therapy helped.

I sometimes think that therapists, like priests, can be a bit unworldly.