[peaches100]

I received some bad news at therapy today. My t told me that the hospital where she works is getting rid of their clinical department. Most likely, her job will end between July 1 and October 1. It's not bad news for her, because she's been wanting to retire soon. Recently she switched from working 5 days a week as an employee, to 3 days a week as a contractor. Today she told me that when her job ends, she will go into private practice --although i don't know if she will seek new clients. She says she does want to follow the clients she has now, and I suspect that when they finish out therapy, she will retire completely.

M t says she'll try to get on my insurance plan, but if she can’t get in as a “preferred” provider, I can't afford switching to a different plan. It would cost us several hundred dollars more per year than what we pay now for insurance. Also, her private practice fee is going to be $125. There's no way I could see her every week at that price. At most, I'd be able to see her 1 or 2 times per month, probably just 1.

Now that these complications are coming up, my h is saying that it might be time for me to start "wrapping things up" in therapy. He said he knows I don't want to, but maybe it is time. Inside, i feel very upset and not at all ready. I've been seeing my t for a long time, but I'm not through all my issues yet. I don't feel ready. I'm scared!

Peaches

[peaches100]

PS - If any of you have been very strongly attached to your t, but have had to drastically cut sessions, please tell me how you did it! I need help! I don't know if i can do this!

we are having the exact opposite problem-we only have 2x a month and cant get anymore time. we understand your pain

[Elbie]

Originally Posted by peaches100

I received some bad news at therapy today. My t told me that the hospital where she works is getting rid of their clinical department. Most likely, her job will end between July 1 and October 1. It's not bad news for her, because she's been wanting to retire soon. Recently she switched from working 5 days a week as an employee, to 3 days a week as a contractor. Today she told me that when her job ends, she will go into private practice --although i don't know if she will seek new clients. She says she does want to follow the clients she has now, and I suspect that when they finish out therapy, she will retire completely.

M t says she'll try to get on my insurance plan, but if she can’t get in as a “preferred” provider, I can't afford switching to a different plan. It would cost us several hundred dollars more per year than what we pay now for insurance. Also, her private practice fee is going to be $125. There's no way I could see her every week at that price. At most, I'd be able to see her 1 or 2 times per month, probably just 1.

Now that these complications are coming up, my h is saying that it might be time for me to start "wrapping things up" in therapy. He said he knows I don't want to, but maybe it is time. Inside, i feel very upset and not at all ready. I've been seeing my t for a long time, but I'm not through all my issues yet. I don't feel ready. I'm scared!

Peaches

Will you feel abandoned if this changes?

[Mike_J]

I went from once a week to once every other week for about a year, not due to finances but because I was really worried that I was becoming (already being) too dependent on her.

It was hard, the weeks I didn't see her were always worse than the weeks that I did.

I wish I had some good advice for you but I don't. I really hope she can get into your insurance plan.

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by peaches100

PS - If any of you have been very strongly attached to your t, but have had to drastically cut sessions, please tell me how you did it! I need help! I don't know if i can do this!

This has happened to me, peaches. But the two therapists with whom it occurred (we're talking about a total of around 25 years in therapy) felt obliged to offer me, as a very longterm patient, significant financial inducements. I'd be surprised if your T didn't do the same for you. Unless she's Ayn Rand. Don't be hesitant about negotiating a different hourly rate and an intensive schedule. In my (limited) experience, a lot of T's feel they have a lot of responsibility vis-a-vis their longterm clients. Take care! Ygrec

[WePow]

My T found out his T is planning on retiring... and that is tough for him to work through. So while I don't know what you are going through, my T does. Big hugs to you!!

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by peaches100

I received some bad news at therapy today. My t told me that the hospital where she works is getting rid of their clinical department. Most likely, her job will end between July 1 and October 1. It's not bad news for her, because she's been wanting to retire soon. Recently she switched from working 5 days a week as an employee, to 3 days a week as a contractor. Today she told me that when her job ends, she will go into private practice --although i don't know if she will seek new clients. She says she does want to follow the clients she has now, and I suspect that when they finish out therapy, she will retire completely.

M t says she'll try to get on my insurance plan, but if she can’t get in as a “preferred” provider, I can't afford switching to a different plan. It would cost us several hundred dollars more per year than what we pay now for insurance. Also, her private practice fee is going to be $125. There's no way I could see her every week at that price. At most, I'd be able to see her 1 or 2 times per month, probably just 1.

Now that these complications are coming up, my h is saying that it might be time for me to start "wrapping things up" in therapy. He said he knows I don't want to, but maybe it is time. Inside, i feel very upset and not at all ready. I've been seeing my t for a long time, but I'm not through all my issues yet. I don't feel ready. I'm scared!

Peaches

((((Peaches)))) Please keep taking to her about this. It sounds like it's still evolving. Why not ask her if she will accept an amount you can afford, and see what she says. Often, when the T does not have to file insurance claims and get authorizations, they can really reduce their fee a lot.

Thinking of you!

[mixedup_emotions]

Yikes! I can imagine how awful this must feel....and the uncertainty just adds to the anxiety of it all.

I reduced my sessions from 2x/week to 1x/week which doesn't sound like a big deal - but at the time, it was to me. I found myself withdrawing from T and feeling SO much more anxious between sessions. It felt like a LONG time. But, after a while, it became easier to deal with.

It might be worthwhile to list out the different options and come up with a strategy for each one....and if the worst case is true, then come up with a plan on gradually stretching the sessions out.....

I'm sorry you're going through this right now. It's tough to have something like this happen that's out of your control.

As an aside, I may be going through something similar soon....because I do not have a full time job...funds are running out....and I found out today that my job may not become full time for quite a while....leaving me possibly needing to plan on selling my house....Therapy may have to be reduced....But I am trying not to freak out about now. I'd rather wait until I know for sure, because it only adds more stress in my life to fret over something I'm unsure of.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by TrinityDancer

we are having the exact opposite problem-we only have 2x a month and cant get anymore time. we understand your pain

Hi TrinityDancer,

I'm sorry that you are having to go through a similar situation! It must feel awful not to be able to get the amount of support you need right now. I hope that we on the board can be a source of support as you go through this difficult time.

[pbutton]

I am so sorry. I can relate.

[WikidPissah]

((((peaces)))) I am crossing my fingers and hoping your T gets on your insurance.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by Elbie

Will you feel abandoned if this changes?

Hi Elbie,

Are you asking me if i will feel abandoned if I have to see my t less often? I guess I would not feel abandoned by my t, since it's not her fault that the hospital is letting her go. But i would have a very difficult time having to see her only half as much as I'm used to. I've always had a very tough time dealing with her vacations, and having to miss sessions. Two sessions per month doesn't feel like enough time to even hold onto the connection, much less keep the therapy work tied together and moving forward. But. . .I don't know. I've been seeing this t for a long time (10+ years). Maybe it's time i started paring down. My issues are not completely resolved yet though, and i don't want to!

I have no close friends at all in 3D life, not even anybody I would call a friend. Nobody I socialize with. No one who asks me to go shopping or to a movie. All i have is my h and my t -- and my mother-in-law. But I can't talk to my mil about my emotional/mental issues. My therapy serves an important purpose for me, and having to reduce by half is going to be difficult. I always have so many concerns and questions, and things that i could not talk to friends about, even if i had any. I once had a close friend i confided in, who tried to be like a therapist to me, and the friendship ended horribly and left me emotionally scarred and now terrified to get close to anybody else.

I'm sorry for sounding whiny. I just don't know what to do.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

I went from once a week to once every other week for about a year, not due to finances but because I was really worried that I was becoming (already being) too dependent on her.

It was hard, the weeks I didn't see her were always worse than the weeks that I did.

I wish I had some good advice for you but I don't. I really hope she can get into your insurance plan.

Hi Mike,

Thanks for replying. I'd be curious to know how long it took you to get used to 2 sessions per month? Are you doing it now? How did you cope during the weeks you didn't see her?

I think I'm too dependent myself. But the thing is, all these years in t, I've also battled the dependency, out of terror of becoming attached and being hurt. So I've been extremely attached but also aloof. Weird, i know. i definitely have attachment problems. I want so badly to be able to connect with others and have deep meaningful relationships. But I'm afraid of getting close to people. I'm terrified to "need" my t. The thing i need in my life so badly is also the thing i fear.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by peaches100

I'm sorry for sounding whiny. I just don't know what to do.

Hells no...you don't sound whiny at all. I would be kicking and screaming. I think this would be a nightmare for a lot of us.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by Ygrec23

This has happened to me, peaches. But the two therapists with whom it occurred (we're talking about a total of around 25 years in therapy) felt obliged to offer me, as a very longterm patient, significant financial inducements. I'd be surprised if your T didn't do the same for you. Unless she's Ayn Rand. Don't be hesitant about negotiating a different hourly rate and an intensive schedule. In my (limited) experience, a lot of T's feel they have a lot of responsibility vis-a-vis their longterm clients. Take care! Ygrec

Hi Ygrec23,

It's good to know I'm not the only one who has been in therapy a long time! I sometimes feel guilty for having so many issues, and for being in therapy so many years. But now i feel a bit better, knowing I'm not alone, that others have done so also.

Thanks for your suggestion. I emailed my t and she replied that if she could not get on my insurance, she would lower my rate to $75 per session, so that i could afford to see her 2 times per month. In all honesty, if i had to, I could probably get by with going every other week. But knowing my problems in the area of attachment, I think it would be a big test for me.

I'm extremely avoidant when it comes to what i call "separation pain." When i have to miss sessions, and i begin feeling that pain, it feels intolerable to me. I end up disconnecting emotionally in order to not feel the uneasy, anxious, or longing feelings, which i actually feel in my physical body. I had alot of separation trauma with my mom as a baby and young child, and missed sessions trigger this old stuff for me. I know it's more about the past, and not the present with my t, but the emotional/physical "fallout" is the same. It's a PTSD thing, and it feels just as awful as it did back when i was a kid. So my way of coping is to disconnect. If 2 weeks or more pass, then when i see my t next, i have a wall up around myself again, and we have to work to take it down again. It's a little hard to explain.

Anyway, I am rambling.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by WePow

My T found out his T is planning on retiring... and that is tough for him to work through. So while I don't know what you are going through, my T does. Big hugs to you!!

Hi WePow,

Even though i don't know your t, it helps to know that others can empathize. It makes me feel not so alone.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

((((Peaches)))) Please keep taking to her about this. It sounds like it's still evolving. Why not ask her if she will accept an amount you can afford, and see what she says. Often, when the T does not have to file insurance claims and get authorizations, they can really reduce their fee a lot.

Thinking of you!

Hi Echoes,

Yes, my t did offer me a lower rate. I just wish i could afford to keep seeing her weekly! We could probably scrounge up the money to pay weekly, but my h would not agree to spending that much for therapy. It would be alot of money ($300 per month) even for the reduced rate. I guess I've been in therapy long enough that I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and toughen up and face reduced sessions.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

Yikes! I can imagine how awful this must feel....and the uncertainty just adds to the anxiety of it all.

I reduced my sessions from 2x/week to 1x/week which doesn't sound like a big deal - but at the time, it was to me. I found myself withdrawing from T and feeling SO much more anxious between sessions. It felt like a LONG time. But, after a while, it became easier to deal with.

It might be worthwhile to list out the different options and come up with a strategy for each one....and if the worst case is true, then come up with a plan on gradually stretching the sessions out.....

I'm sorry you're going through this right now. It's tough to have something like this happen that's out of your control.

As an aside, I may be going through something similar soon....because I do not have a full time job...funds are running out....and I found out today that my job may not become full time for quite a while....leaving me possibly needing to plan on selling my house....Therapy may have to be reduced....But I am trying not to freak out about now. I'd rather wait until I know for sure, because it only adds more stress in my life to fret over something I'm unsure of.

Hi Mixedupemotions,

I agree that you should try not to worry ahead of time about what could happen. I know it's hard not to! But as a first class worrier, i know that imagining the worst is a kind of self-torture. I get myself all freaked out, and i know it's not good for my body or mind. My worries about the future become so real to me, that i begin reacting as though it is already coming true, with the resulting fear, anxiety, and despair. So please, don't do what i do!

I'm glad to know that when you had to reduce sessions, that it eventually became easier. But i totally understand what you mean when you said you found yourself "withdrawing from t." I do that too, when faced with separations. And the more i cut off my painful feelings, the harder it is to get in touch with my feelings later, in my sessions. I guess the healthier thing might be to just feel my feelings, but it's very scary for me to feel negative feelings. I'm afraid they will overwhelm me if i let them begin.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I am so sorry. I can relate.

Hi Pbutton,

Thanks for the hug, and for understanding. . .

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

((((peaces)))) I am crossing my fingers and hoping your T gets on your insurance.

Hi Wikidpissah,

Thank you for your concern and hope for me.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

Hells no...you don't sound whiny at all. I would be kicking and screaming. I think this would be a nightmare for a lot of us.

Thanks. I get afraid of sounding like a big baby.

[rainbow8]

I'm glad that your T will reduce your rate, Peaches. Even though you wouldn't get to see her every week, I think you will do okay with fewer sessions. If you need to, you can add the extra session. Your H wouldn't be angry with an occasional extra session per month, would he? Your T may be able to get on your insurance. I hope she can. You'll be all right. I know that you're stronger than you think!

[eskielover]

M t says she'll try to get on my insurance plan, but if she can’t get in as a “preferred” provider, I can't afford switching to a different plan.

It's usually really easy to become a "preferred provider" with an insurance company....most have said it's just a request that has to be filled out....nothing difficult or anything. They may have to agree to the rate that insurance company will pay them....but that wouldn't be a problem if she's wanting to keep you as a client.

Don't think you have as much to worry about as you think you do IMO. Know it's easy for us to feel that changes are the "end of the world" but when it actually comes down to what happens, it's usually a smooth change & nothing really changes......that is assuming that our health care system doesn't make a major change under our feet......then none of us know how bad it might be.....but until that ever happens.....I wouldn't worry about a simple thing of her filling out the necessary paperwork to become a provider through your existing insurance.

[sittingatwatersedge]

wow peaches, this is hard!! And after all this time.

Someone on this forum used to do an uneven split - could you do something along the same lines, like this:
week 1 session
week 2 session
week 3 miss
week 4 session
week 5 miss
week 6 session
week 7 session
week 8 miss
week 9 session
week 10 miss
etc

like that? it works out to 2 -3 sessions per month, but not quite as hard as twice a month. Just thinking.
Over time you get used to processing at a certain rate, and a change (whether sessions closer together, or farther apart) can be hard to adapt to; but you can do it. You have fuond the right T, and she's worth holding onto. I hope it works out for you