A Therapist's Love

I just stumbled onto an interesting website called: Psychotherapy Papers.
There is a new article called, "A Therapist's Love" - would be interested in what everyone thinks!

Wow. I'm going to have to read that again later only more slowly. There's a LOT there!! Thanks for sharing!!

Great article....I didn't like how there was no mention of running off with T and actively engaging in wedded bliss for all of eternity though .

Thanks. It was interesting.

This is pretty much in line with mainstream....unfortunately....

Freud (1915b) thought the psychoanalytic situation itself created a seduction. I think what makes people seductive, is our feeling that they’re being real with us. When we are real and honest with someone, they feel emotionally engaged by the experience, and we have therefore, been successfully seductive in that interaction.

I prefer that over "immersed in and at the same time distant from the patient’s experience,". Which is why my T rocks! She isnt distant We are engaged mutually

"In general, analysts and therapists committed to a relational approach engage the clinical situation as inherently intersubjective and shaped by mutual influence and must be conducted in a way that incorporates this fact"

interesting paper, thanks. skysblue recommended one of her sourcebooks, a general theory of love.

I thought it was a very insightful article. However, this quote from it most directly mirrors my own opinion and experience in therapy - especially the italicized part.

"The most convincing contemporary description, for me, in reading about the therapist’s love, and the one that speaks to me the most in terms of my experience with patients, is Friedman’s (2005) concept of being immersed in and at the same time distant from the patient’s experience, and how this creates a feeling of love in the therapist which is particular to the analytic situation. This description seems to include the possibility of all the types of love being present in both patient and therapist, and reflects the asymmetrical nature of the enterprise, where the therapist participates fully, and observes at the same time, in order to ensure the safety of the patient. This also highlights that the therapist’s love may be necessary but it is not sufficient: it is not the therapist’s love itself which is curative, but rather how the therapist uses his or her love."

The therapist most definitely has to be an observer - a data collector. They may have affection for us, and wish for us what we wish for ourselves, but, they are certainly there to understand our problems and help us with them. That understanding necessarily involves a lot of neutrality and distance.

Yes, I agree that a therapist can feel love and affection for their clients while still maintaining the necessary boundary needed for the relationship. I have often wondered what it would be like to be the therapist instead of the client...

If they didn't feel something, I would begin to wonder if they were a robot.

As tough as it is being the client, I think I prefer it. Being the therapist sounds like too much work! I can blurt out anything I want, but a therapist has to choose their words carefully. It must be exhausting, actually. Glad mine has a lot of energy.

I did google it but I couldn't find it, for some reason. Could someone please post the link?

Thank you.

EDIT:

Nevermind, I think I found it. To make things easier for other members too, here is the link:

http://psychotherapypapers.wordpress...apist%27s+love

Interesting piece. Thank you for sharing.

Frankly, it never occurred to me that "love" was part of the relationship dynamic. It has felt like a type of parental figure / friendship healing experience. Or a business type of relationship where we each do our parts to get to the healing part...

I also was under the impression that the opposite of love was indiffrrence and that hate was simply fear.

I have not had the experience of falling in love with any T, and if T did, me, I never knew about it.

But with good Ts, I always felt listened to, heard, validated and safe. For that, I felt enormously grateful.

That was an... Interesting article... It makes me think about my relationship I have with my t. It brings back memories from whn I first heard of transference- that was a heartbreaking jolt of realization. It brings those emotions back up again. But the article made some points thg I've needed to hear... Thx

I have mixed feelings on articles like this. I dont quite get why a simple concept like love needs to be so overanalyzed. To death. Repeatedly. By so many people. Perhaps i am missing something and dont understand it fully.

To me love is simple. Love is a good thing.. I wish there was more love going around the world. Between more people.
Perhaps i dont complicate the therapy relationship so much because my husband is a t and i have always understood that t's are just people, with faults and normal problems. I dont idealize my t. She is awesome, but she isnt perfect and doesnt have to be. I love her and she loves me, that is just two people loving each other, like i love my sister or the students in my class or my neighbor or a friend.

The article reminded me about me and my students. I am very involved in their lives- all of my students have had such traumatic, scary times in their tiny little lives, and i am one of the only stable people they have, my classroom is one of the only safe places they have go go. And i love them deeply. But i am no sooooo involved that i cant also be a good teacher. I love them, but i will still discipline them and teach them to be good. If they do something wrong, i put them in time out. But five minutes later i am loving all over them. I will cuddle with them and rock them when theyre in trauma, but i am also a tough teacher with high standards. This reminds me of my t. She loves me and is involved in my life, but she loves me too much to just leave me down in my pit, she is going to be tough enough on me to teach me and show me how to get out there and have a life.