[KazzaX]

How do you do it?

Apparently I don't do it (other than getting irritated by T occasionally). Apparently I am supposed to do it. But the T won't tell me how to do it. Obviously I'm not going to just magically learn it myself so I put it to you guys....

How do I get emotional in therapy??

I am interested to see the responses on this. I don't know how this happens. I cry almost every session. I mentioned this to my T last session after seeing that a lot of people never do. I asked if I cry too much and he laughed . I think he said there isn't a rule for that or something

[Wren_]

would you consider yourself "emotional" outside of therapy? maybe thinking about that is a good place to start

[KazzaX]

Yeah I see what you mean! I thought I was being emotional (minus crying) but she told me I sound like I'm reading it all out of a book or something haha

But if she is right, then it explains why therapy hasnt worked for me ever. Reading out of a book during therapy wouldn't help much Im guessing! haha

[Wren_]

did she say why she won't tell you how to do it?

[KazzaX]

Well I cry once every 7-8 months or so in real life (when I'm by myself) out of frustration. Other than that... I don't think I'm really emotional outside of therapy. Well actually anger is an emotion isn't it ? I'm angry 24 hours a day haha. The T knows this but she says it doesn't count because I don't know what causes the anger.. or what feelings lead to the anger. If I could experience the feelings leading to the anger then that would be classed as emotional? Something like that.

I was reading a thing on the web last night about the defense mechanism called repression. I think that is what I do subconsciously. It forces issues to be filed away without me even being consciously aware of them, and then all i am left with is the anger. So here I am thinking "WTF am i angry for??" and I have no idea! haha

[KazzaX]

The T couldn't really think of a way to describe it.. she tried but she kept using airy-fairy words that don't really help me wiht the "HOW" in my question. She couldn't think of a different way to put it (and then it was the end of the session so we had to stop).

Originally Posted by KazzaX

How do you do it?

Apparently I don't do it (other than getting irritated by T occasionally). Apparently I am supposed to do it. But the T won't tell me how to do it. Obviously I'm not going to just magically learn it myself so I put it to you guys....

How do I get emotional in therapy??

It almost always sneaks up on me.... I guess the only advice I can give is when it happens to me, it's because I'm being the most honest/real/raw ME that I know how to be, the most vulnerable, whatever.... until I was able to do that with my T, I didn't get emotional.

There's just no easy way to do this therapy thing is there....? But it's so worth it. So very very worth all the tears and work and everything. At least for me!

Best wishes.

[marphtwo]

I cried for the first time in 1.5 years of therapy this past Sunday. So Im probably not the best person to answer that

[KazzaX]

True, it is very difficult! And it makes absolutely no sense either! haha

"vulnerable" see that is one of the words she used that makes absolutely no sense to me, haha, words like that

[KazzaX]

Originally Posted by marphtwo

I cried for the first time in 1.5 years of therapy this past Sunday. So Im probably not the best person to answer that

Congratulations! apparently it is very, very good if you cry in therapy so.. go you!

KazzaX...this is the milliondollar question , many of us have trouble with this. Do you trust your T, I mean truly trust her? The times you have cried when alone, why ...what caused that?

[KazzaX]

Yeah I think I do trust my T. I've told her about my depression so I must do. She seems the professional type of person.

I cried alone because I wanted to kill myself but was too much of a wuss to do it, the "trapped in life" thing made me cry.

Can you discuss that with her, how it felt, how you felt. Was there any drinking or drugs involved or was it just despair?

[KazzaX]

No drugs or drink. Yea ive discussed it with her many times but its still like me reading out of a book apparently haha. Probably because it was a long time and and the memory has faded. Yes it was frustration and despair.

[Indie'sOK]

I don't know - it just happens. I'll be talking about something particularly difficult, and my voice will choke up. Then the tears come. When I first started seeing my therapist and would cry, she would wait to see if I grabbed a tissue from the box beside me. When I didn't, she'd get up and grab one for me herself. Now, at even the slightest crack in my voice, she's there with the tissues.

She's so sweet. I'm so lucky to have her

[KazzaX]

Nice, sounds like a good T.

What kind of transference are you having with her , mom, sister, hot girl, etc. are you concerned about how she sees you? Are you holding back because of your feelings about her? Do you consider crying weak? We're you embarrassed about it? Anger is my go to emotion to...it usually is covering pain...I don't have the answer but I think that people with this same issue who share stories may lead someone to the answer.

[Wren_]

often the anger seems to end up being what hides other things ... so exploring the anger more might bring up the other feelings (it did for me)

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by KazzaX

How do you do it?

I wish I could give you something helpful. I certainly get angry in that room, and I cry in there more easily than I could ever do before - but last week T2 told me that she sees me as afraid of any show of emotion at all, and it completely surprised me. If what I do now isn't showing emotion, what is she looking for?

Keep asking yr T about it, Kazza, if you get enough different answers maybe one of them will make sense.

[pbutton]

This is the thing that baffles me the most about therapy.

[stopdog]

It does seem to be the million dollar question for many of us. The one I see was going on about such and I said I had told her I was sad once. She said I did not show her I was sad. WTF? I thought that was me showing it.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by stopdog

It does seem to be the million dollar question for many of us. The one I see was going on about such and I said I had told her I was sad once. She said I did not show her I was sad. WTF? I thought that was me showing it.

Yes. I have had many moments like this. I do not understand what they are seeking.

[AngelWolf3]

I totally agree with this being the million dollar question. I too, won't allow myself to cry around T. I trust her and feel safe, but it's like if my eyes start to water, I won't let it happen. At first i am mad that I am thinking about crying, and then mad that I won't let myself cry. Oh well. Good thread!

[pbutton]

I have cried many times in therapy and I still get told I'm sharing my thoughts and not my feelings. It is confusing. (And confused is apparently a thinking word and not a feeling word. I've had that discussion in a session!)