[CantExplain]

What is the most hateful thing you ever said or wrote to your therapist?

I'll tell you mine later.

[2or3things]

I've told her that she's cold and that we have no relationship several times. And just this week I told her to shut up, though I was only 99% serious about that.

Nothing like therapy to make a person feel like an immature ***!

[Asiablue]

I'm glad to say i haven't said anything hateful to my T... being mean to her would be like kicking a kitten!

I make it a habit to never say hateful things to anyone no matter how I might feel about them at the time. I see nothing to gain by being hateful except regrets. Feelings of disappointment, frustration, anger, etc. can be expressed much more effectively and actually be worked through constructively without being mean about it.

[autotelica]

I've never been that angry towards my therapist to say hateful things to her.

I think what felt hateful was actually upset. And of course we will say "hurtfull" things. It's sometimes the only way we can communicate our upset.

[Fixated]

A few weeks ago we had a very intense session that was just an extended argument. I told her she was full of s_hit. Or something to that effect.

Told her she was cold, manipulative, and disingenuous.

She's actually encouraged me to be angry at her from the beginning and kind of implied she gets cursed at a lot during the day.

[WikidPissah]

I have never said anything hateful to any of my ts. I have never even expressed anger towards any of them. I did send a "rough" email to ex T after I terminated and I found out he was still discussing me with pdoc.

[rainbow_rose]

the most i've been is grumpy. hateful? that's not me.

[sunrise]

I haven't said anything hateful to my T. That would be hard as I don't do that to anyone--I wouldn't know how. We did have a discussion once in which I told him I felt he had lied to me about something. He was kind of upset about that--maybe he thought I was being hateful?

Okay, I am generally not hateful, but I have said 'f you' to him on a couple of occasions. Once I was weeping and couldn't control it and called him and on the phone he said something being unable to control emotions being a human condition. Then he said, "welcome to humanity. It looks good on you." I said, "**** you. It does not. Apparently humanity involves a lot of tears and snot."

[Fixated]

In a lot of ways, I don't think there's anything wrong with lashing out/being hurtful with your T. They're the best person with which for it to happen. They can help you understand it and deal with it. To find the things under the surface. They generally will not take it personally. In most cases, it will not permanently harm your relationship, and if it is they will let you know.

I think the amount of anger and hate clients feel might begin with why they're in therapy. The heart of my issues are relationship oriented, so it makes a lot of sense that I'd have anger and trouble dealing with it. Someone trying to recover from abuse or traumatic events might not have the same type of therapy with the same therapist.

Not really hateful but I asked my T if she used to be a man. Must have been an "ouch" moment for her as a woman.

[peaches100]

I've never said anything hateful. But once, early in therapy, I told her I thought she was apathetic. I could tell it really bothered her.

[critterlady]

Even when I'm livid, I don't say hateful things. Sometimes, I can say things I wish I hadn't, but never with any intent to hurt.

[here today]

What is wrong with feeling hate? What is wrong with expressing it? There's some good evidence that it's the suppression/denial/dissociation of our "hate" feelings and redirecting them towards ourself in early childhood that causes a lot of emotional difficulties later. I think that having those feelings come up in therapy -- and having a T that can understand that -- could be a good step for lots of us, to help us learn about and accept the fact that our capacity and ability to feel hate is not in itself evil, but part of the emotional equipment we were born with.

Why do we hate hate? Because we're scared of it? We don't know what to constructively do with it. And we can't get to that part until we accept that we feel it. And sometimes (for me at any rate), if it's part of something that was dissociated, then I have had to act it out in order to know it. If not in therapy, then where?

[Miswimmy1]

I haven't said anything hateful to her, but I did vent once, and I told her that I hated how I taught her chat speak because now she uses it all the time and it feels dismissive...

[stopdog]

I think showing anger and frustration to the therapist is fine. Sometimes they do not get it unless you are fairly blatent.

[LoneWolfie]

That I thought they Doctors/psychiatrists "****en Play God." A psychiatrist, not mine had my driver's license suspended which has only made it more of a financial hardship. Besides having car payments and a car I can't drive, I have to pay for a bus pass which isn't cheap for me to get to appointments. Money was tight before now I am drowning.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I've never said anything hateful to my T. I make it a practice not to say hateful things to anyone, but I've honestly also never felt the desire to say such things to my T.

I have been snappy with her before, and instantly apologized. I was frustrated with a situation and took that frustration out on her in my tone of voice.

Originally Posted by here today

What is wrong with feeling hate? What is wrong with expressing it? There's some good evidence that it's the suppression/denial/dissociation of our "hate" feelings and redirecting them towards ourself in early childhood that causes a lot of emotional difficulties later. I think that having those feelings come up in therapy -- and having a T that can understand that -- could be a good step for lots of us, to help us learn about and accept the fact that our capacity and ability to feel hate is not in itself evil, but part of the emotional equipment we were born with.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling hate. I don't think anyone here has said there is. However, you can FEEL hate and even express it without having to be hateful in the way you treat someone. There's a difference.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

However, you can FEEL hate and even express it without having to be hateful in the way you treat someone. There's a difference.

hmmm, expression - that isn't how you treat someone?

is it the old Oscar Wilde thing about yes you have to forgive people but that doesn't mean you ever have to speak to them again - - i always thought that was meant facetiously...

'there's a difference' - i am having a little trouble visualizing this.
I write on a piece of paper, T I hate your guts, and hold it up for her with a placid expression ?

[stopdog]

I seriously believe therapists are trained to not take statements at them personally (sometimes even when they should). They label it transference, projection, resistance etc. and go on with their lives.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

hmmm, expression - that isn't how you treat someone?

You have never had a sincere conversation with someone expressing your feelings without resorting to hatefulness? I can very clearly let someone know how angry, frustrated, etc. I am with them without having to insult them, belittle them, cuss at them, etc. My choice of words, tone, etc. definitely IS my treatment of them. I choose to be clear about my feelings. I also choose to handle them with some measure of respect and civility. May not work for some people, but that's an important value in my life. You don't have to be mean to get your point across.

[here today]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling hate. I don't think anyone here has said there is. However, you can FEEL hate and even express it without having to be hateful in the way you treat someone. There's a difference.

But that's the point -- I dissociated my hateful, vengeful feelings and have not been able get that system back just through feelings. I can tell when that system is getting activated and shut it down. But then lots of potential social information and nuance gets shut down, too. So when people like you, who haven't had that difficulty, make comments about how you do things that I can't -- then it definitely comes across to me as judgmental and belittling. Hence hateful -- you don't want to be around people like me because I can't do the kinds of things you do emotionally and socially. So where the blankety-blank-blank do I learn, if not in therapy?