What's the most hateful thing you said to T?

I think for some, it is important to know you can say things that are not particularly nice and still have everyone live. If one needs to get hateful or hurtful things out of their system, the therapist appointment is the best place for it in my opinion. Now one might want to eventually learn other ways of dealing with it. But for some I think it is vital to know that saying even truly awful things, will not destroy the therapist. And that the therapist can respond/disagree without retaliating or destroying the client.

I think the thread is asking IF YOU have said something hateful what was it. Not "do you think it's right or wrong to say something hateful". It's not a judgement call

I quibble with the term hateful.
The thing the woman I see reacted to was when I said she had asked a stupid and mocking question. A statement I thought would not be bothersome at all (it ended up she was trying to be funny by asking the question ) (she failed). This lead to the worst thing I think I have said to the woman which was she should stop trying to be funny and that she is not as funny as she thinks she is. I don't really consider that hateful as such, but I would not like it said to me. I had tried more subtle ways of getting her to stop to no avail. I do think what I said was true, and I did need her to stop doing it.

I am not trying to speak for Chris, but I read her as saying "this is how it is for me". She is describing her own experience and why she has made the choices that she has.

Her explaining what she does in not about you. Even if you can't yet do what she can, her ability to do this is not a judgment or a put down of you, either directly or otherwise. Is there a way that you can see what she wrote as something to learn from, or an inspiration or something to shoot for, and not as a comment about you?

I don't think I've ever said anything "hateful" to my T. However I did find that he finds it troublesome when I express my certainty that he will judge me about whatever I have shared with him. To me, it is about me and how awful and bad "I" am. His take on it is that I am judging him when I believe that he will hold something against me and he finds that insulting. I don't think he is that bothered by it but it was interesting to me that something I said was unintentionally hurtful.

okay, yes I have! i was very mad/angry at t for some reason and as i was leaving he said "call for an appointment" and then i yelled "F-Off" very loudly.
he didn't get mad, i apologized next session, (i think)....

I feel like the only loser here now!

It depends on the level of hate. If you hate someone for example, then maybe you can't help but to give insults etc..

Same for me. I told T, "now I realize how bad it sounds when I try to do the psychoanalyzing." I am the professional comedian, after all - I got paid once. He said, oh, you go by the old Olympic amateur definition! We've both told each other that we sound like MY mother - that's pretty bad. And i've also blurted out, "You never listen to me!" which of course is ludicrous, he spends the whole time listening to me, but he actually looked guilty - I think he hears it at home. But for some reason, I did feel unheard. Not anymore, though, our communication is much improved. And so are his jokes

No. It is not inspiring to me. I come from a different place. I wrote about how her post affected me.

But I agree with earthmama, this is not the topic of this thread. Do we want to take it to another thread maybe?

The topic of this thread was "What's the most hateful thing you said to T?" In response to that some people said various things to the extent that they never or rarely feel or express hate. The implication is . . . from the culture and religion that I came from (and maybe even the original poster). . .there is something inherently and always hurtful or embarassing or wrong about hate and expressing it. I think that is a dangerous assumption.

I sensed some not just "this is how I handle it" vibes from some posts. Not all. I am not saying I was right about my sensing it, but I did read some as coming off judgmental or smug. It did not really bother me, and I am not saying that was the intention and it was not from all posts that said they had never been hateful.
I think what one poster considers hateful can vary wildly from what another poster considers hateful which can vary even more wildly from what would be "hateful" in any given therapist/client pairing. What I say to the therapist could be received as less "hateful" (I don't like this term for most of what posters have reported they actually said) than if some other client said the exact same thing. And vice versa. Then, intent could be considered - is it only hateful if meant to hurt? Does it count or not count depending upon the speaker's intentions?

I wrote that the implication came from the culture and religion that I came from.

hateful's not really part of who i am, so i haven't said anything hateful to t. (in my last job, i got screamed at/yelled at/cussed out all manner of vitriol spewed at me through my headset all day every day for 4 years.... this is the job i just quit [finally!]) I've had enough hateful speech thrown at me to last a lifetime, and am now physically unable to throw it at anyone else.

So perhaps this isn't he thread for you then. As this is about WHAT HAVE YOU said that's hateful. O-o

Called her a liar and incompetent basically

And told her I hate her several times

Ok. My turn.

TRIGGER WARNING - THIS IS SERIOUSLY HATEFUL STUFF

I wrote that psychiatrists in the Soviet Union were tools of oppression, used to torture and humiliate dissidents. (This is a historic fact, but of course my T had nothing to do with that.)

But I went further.

"If there were any psychotherapists at Auschwitz, then they were on the staff, helping the guards to feel better about their work."

CE - I don't think that is all that hateful. It was not personal to the therapist and it was true (not happy but true)(it is still true today where all around the world psychologists and psychiatrists help govts torture others, where hospitals perform questionable tests etc). Were you trying to hurt her or just malign her profession or hurt her by maligning her profession?

Of course, I have to be fairly thick skinned about what others say about my profession so perhaps I am just not all that sensitive to people saying such things about one's job.

I think that the comment about T's at Auschwitz is quite funny-- and I'm Jewish and thus have no sense of humor about these things.

But of course what you said would have been true, had T's been actually present in the camps. The idea that the Nazis would have paid T's to help the prisoners feel better about their conditions and expectations is what made me laugh, in a non humorous way of course.

[quote=farmergirl;2573796]You have never had a sincere conversation with someone expressing your feelings without resorting to hatefulness?
well not if what I am feeling is hate, no. I thought the question was, what is the most hateful thing you said to T?

I should add
** I don't hate my T, and never have. Angry, welll yes, frustrated, def. but HATE, certainly not.

** Not that it comes up hardly, but I don't have conversations with people I feel hatefuless toward. I withdraw - and then work hard on getting out of the hateful feelings, however long it takes. I have no room for that in my life.

Can'tExplain,
What a brilliant metaphor/analogy about how you feel about your therapist. I'm curious to know what made you feel that your therapist used humiliation, torture, and oppression and what made him look like a psychotherapist helping prison guards feel better about themselves to you.

I tried to express hate to my t. I wish I had been more successful. He was indifferent.

I don't think I have said hateful thing directed at her yet. I have said very hateful things to her.

Ugh! I give up. Time to take a break for awhile.

Ok, spoken as someone who says hateful things to people...

When I read a post & my gut reaction is "ooh, so and so is saying that I'm bad", I try to look at it and figure out what part of ME is telling me that I am bad.

Because seriously, if someone posts Pbutton has purple toenails and didn't graduate from high school, I am just going to roll my eyes and think they're an idiot. If I feel there is a grain of truth in what they've said, that's when it starts to hurt.

People who say hateful things know that it isn't a nice thing to do. I think therapists can handle it. But it's still a crappy way to act and it is painful to feel like a mean person. It makes me feel out of control and childish.

I think there needs to be a clearer definition of hateful. So far, I haven't ready any post where the poster reported what they told the therapist - that I would describe as hateful. I believe therapists can take care of themselves and handle clients who are not tactful and who show their anger as well as those who are afraid of anger. Whether one wants to be "hateful" or not is a different question. Frankly there have been times I have wanted to hurt the woman with words. It is always in response to times when she has mocked or made fun of me (she admits she has made fun) I have even been unremorseful when she reacted to my response. I don't think I managed to actually hurt her. But I am not particularly sorry about it either way. She has never apologized for making fun of me either. So I figure we are even. I am not going to roll over and not react to her not taking me seriously. And if after trying to get her to stop by saying "stop making fun of me" - she refuses or ignores me - then I am going to push her back in a stronger manner that gets her attention. I do not feel like being mean to a therapist is a big deal, I don't think it effects them, and I think most clients think they are being a lot meaner than they really are. Plus I think accepting one has mean urges and acting on it won't destroy the therapist is not a bad thing to see and experience. I have always felt justified in my attempts at being mean to the therapist. I don't do it gratuitously. Or maybe the idea of me being a mean person to someone to whom it does not matter or affect (effect? I never pick the right one) is less upsetting to me than the idea that I let a therapist run me over or humiliate me without pushing the woman back. Frankly I am more upset about never remembering when to use affect versus effect. (although not upset enough to actually memorize the rule).