i want to e-mail

T said some things that are sticking with me and i hate it . i want to argue with her and tell her to back off that she has no idea what she is talking about and to leave it alone.i am not allowed to e-mail her and i don't know what she would do .i could send her a letter but she would just not read it and give it back to me in session not opened. i just want to know what i cant say. just venting and wishing

Don't want that pot stirred?

You can always write an email. It can even be toxic and hateful. Send it to yourself, then answer it like you know t would. I know that's bizarre, but I have done it a million times. Anything that gets you to express it outwardly and not inwardly.

no i really don't because she doesn't understand.she has no idea what she is dealing with the despicable things i did and she says I'm not horrible but she doesn't know and i want to tell her she has no idea and she wont listen at all Grrrr

i swear wiki if i write it ill send it to her i know i would and i think she would be mad

This is the route to getting better granite. You have to let this stuff out and let your T help you.

i am freaking and i sent her an e-mail do you know how bad that is .i'm not allowed to do it but i just don't care let her fire me it is whatever it isn't like i am stalking her right.i just don't want to be like this anymore .i don't want to hurt at all

i just want to sleep so i don't keep making things so bad

I don' think T will get mad. The mother might have gotten mad, but I don't think T will granite. T will do what she's done in the past which is maybe print it up and have you read it to her.

It's good you want to get it out- all of it. The more you open up, even if it is through an email, the more your T will appreciate what you have to say.

Keep up the good work sister!

How could she be angry? I would think that she is going to be happy that you got your emotions out...

Okay - you really could tell her to back off and that she does not know what she is talking about and to leave it alone. She might not do it, but you do get to tell her those things and it is okay to do so. The therapist can handle a client arguing with them and clients can learn that arguing with someone like a therapist will not end in disaster. I doubt she will fire you for emailing. She might not read it or she might want to talk about not emailing, but firing is probably a bit far. And since you have already sent the email, try not to beat yourself up over it. It is done now and you cannot un-email. So accept that you did what you did as an attempt to alleviate pain (not a bad thing in and of itself) and go forward. Making yourself feel worse is not going to help.

Wouldn't it be awesome though, if you could un-email??? I, personally, would love that option!

Oh yeah I can really relate to this post. I used to have a T that accepted emails. I had a good control on myself from actually doing it, but one time I was so enraged and I did. It was a similar sentiment to the OP here. I was kicking myself later... madly searching for that un-email button! The email was so horrible that my T ended therapy with me not long after.. I think it put a bad taste in her mouth. Woops. lol I can laugh about it now but at the time it was very NOT funny!

Here are two other options:

1. Write the email but don't send it.
2. Write the email, but instead of sending it, post it here.

I've used both techniques. They are better than nothing.

Ts work with perpetrators as well as victims. I doubt that you've done anything so bad they've never heard of it before.

In any case, there's only one way to find out. Until you speak up, it's always going to be a barrier between you.

i think part of what was freaking me out this week was talking about my family and all that has gone on with my aunt.my T really did help me feel better.it made me trust her so much more .like she does care some and can make me feel better.it made me want to talk to her more.to tell her horrible things about me.but then she said i'm not a horrible person and i freaked i had no idea what to do with this .i had no idea how to feel about what she said i went completely numb.i couldnt talk. i think e-mailing her when i was freaking out in a way was a way to push her away because those feelings scared me so much they terrified me and now i want to call her on monday and tell her i want to cancel for wednsday because i cant stand the thought of facing her .of seeing that anger,of seeing that i did push her away.i don't know how to deal with all this .i am calmer as long as i am on drugs but i don't want to take them any more

(((( granite ))))

Please try to be curious about your feelings, rather than reacting on them...and let your T in on what you're feeling and what your instincts are telling you.

It may be helpful for you to call her and tell her what you WANT to do but not do it. I've done that with my T....I've told him that I had the urge to do X, Y and Z...and we worked towards trying to understand it.

((( HUGS )))

This is the single most useful piece of advice I've ever read on here.

Granite - remember the therapist is not the person who caused you harm. She will not be angry and will want to know why. Talking to her, even reading what you write, is useful for you. She may wait for you to talk, but she is not going to be angry like the people in your past and she will not punish you. Requiring you to talk is not punishment. Also, you do get to talk and tell her to slow down, or your reaction or whatever you want and she will not punish you.

I say this from the bottom of my old hippie heart - TAKE THE DRUGS

i have been thinking a lot about why i am doing the things that i am doing but it seems to turn into this tirade of self loathing.

The T can take that. And can help you work with that, and work through that. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, granite, you deserve so much better.

And I would like to gently ask you not to stop taking any medication without consulting with a doctor about it. Please?

(((granite girl))) You t has never been angry with you, that's been your perspective on how she feels. She is not the enemy, I promise. She is on your side, you can trust her.

at the very least she will be disappointed in me and i don't want to deal with that either.i swear i have got to be the stupidest person in the world because i am considering dumping her instead of feeling the things i am feeling.because i am so convinced she hates me and doesn't care at all.but at the same time i think i am convincing myself of this because i couldn't handle the she did care and i could trust her .I'm just a total nut case i know this

i think she has been angry with me a few times but i dont know.have you ever felt that something is so real on such a deep level that even if one part of you knows it isn't that i doesn't matter.it is making me feel so crazy