[trdleblue]

I don't know if I ever will be able to connect with people and I am so tired of trying. Online, real life, family, work, it doesn't matter. I am unable to connect. I can be social and find out about their life, but I can't make them want to know about mine. I'm starting to wonder what the point is of me going to t. There is a lot I want to work on, and a lot I want to change, but I am a nice person, and good to others, and it's not enough. Whatever I do, I can't change how others view me. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I guess it's just something that I want to let out.

[autotelica]

Can you connect to your therapist?

I don't connect to anyone. I know how to be nice, but I don't feel nice because I don't care about people. I am nice only because it's the *nice* thing to do. Which is really not such a nice thing.

But I do care about my therapist, and my connection to her is what keeps me from running away.

I hope if you don't connect with your therapist right now, that one day you will. It is a good feeling knowing someone cares about you and you can willingly reciprocate.

[trdleblue]

My T is nice and I like him, but I don't feel connected to him. He's doing his job.

[Miswimmy1]

Hmm... Well *I* want to know more about you after this post

Maybe you need to let yourself emotionally become engaged. You will only feel connnected if you let yourself be connected. For instance, quit thinking that your t is only "doing his job". He cares about you. Let yourself feel that. U know?

[unaluna]

we will when we meet the right people. most people are boring, or you're just not going to click with anyway. all you can do is improve your your chances by increasing the number of people you meet - that's what my last 2 single male T's have done. improve yourself, then improve your chances. that's my plan.

[KazzaX]

When I used to do the socialising thing back in the day I remember one trick that I found out, by accident. The less info you offer about your life, the more they want to know! Its kinda like playing hard to get in the dating world. My issue was I really DIDN'T want them to know and the more I withheld information on my life, the more they pushed to find out about it. To the extent that eventually they were in my face DEMANDING that information! So yeah.. just something you may want to try.

Originally Posted by KazzaX

When I used to do the socialising thing back in the day I remember one trick that I found out, by accident. The less info you offer about your life, the more they want to know! Its kinda like playing hard to get in the dating world. My issue was I really DIDN'T want them to know and the more I withheld information on my life, the more they pushed to find out about it. To the extent that eventually they were in my face DEMANDING that information! So yeah.. just something you may want to try.

I think it can depend on a few things, but personally I've actually found the opposite of this... I feel like I never connected to anyone because I was always withholding so much of myself. In casual social situations like parties, the advice is always to ask questions and listen, because people love to talk about themselves, and while that's kind of true, if that's all you ever do in your interactions with people - talk about them and offer little of yourself - I think it's hard for people to feel like they're getting close to you, makes it hard to make deep and lasting friendships... I didn't even realise much of this until I'd been in therapy a while and finally understood what real connection was.

[trdleblue]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

Maybe you need to let yourself emotionally become engaged. You will only feel connnected if you let yourself be connected. For instance, quit thinking that your t is only "doing his job". He cares about you. Let yourself feel that. U know?

I think the how to part is foreign to me. Just because I want something doesn't mean that I will let it happen.

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

I think it can depend on a few things, but personally I've actually found the opposite of this... I feel like I never connected to anyone because I was always withholding so much of myself. In casual social situations like parties, the advice is always to ask questions and listen, because people love to talk about themselves, and while that's kind of true, if that's all you ever do in your interactions with people - talk about them and offer little of yourself - I think it's hard for people to feel like they're getting close to you, makes it hard to make deep and lasting friendships... I didn't even realise much of this until I'd been in therapy a while and finally understood what real connection was.

This is what I do. I can easily get people to talk about themselves. It's been so long that I'm not even sure if I can open myself up.