[dismantle.repair]

The last session I had with T... She said that I need to build my self esteem. I have no idea how to start to do that. There is nothing I like about myself...
According to her, as long as I'm not comfortable changing, I won't be able to...

But I want to. I just don't know how.
What the hell. I wish she'd help. I feel abandoned... And alone.
I have no idea where to move from here. And every time I try to tell her that, she keeps pulling the, "We can't move on from here," line.
T I just don't know HOW.

I think she's so tired of me. Sigh. Whatever. Maybe it was a good thing we stopped. There's such a noticeable difference in her temperament towards me now, compared to before. I hate that too.

((hugs)) it's very frustrating dismantle! I had the very same issue with my t! Her answer was to read some self help books and take some courses, I wanted to strangle her lol!
Once you start to accept yourself and love yourself those things will come naturally! I am not quite there yet but I am learning! Have you asked t to do some work on this area with you! Some self worth and accepting yourself?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by dismantle.repair

She said that I need to build my self esteem. I have no idea how to start to do that.

Have you told her she needs to show you how?

[elliemay]

Actually, if I were a therapist and a patient told me that there was not a single thing they liked about themselves, then I think I would be frustrated as well. You wouldn't be in therapy if you didn't want to change or think you are worthy of help.

Maybe you keep a clean refrigerator, or you can identify with others pain. Maybe you are kind to animals, or have good taste in home furnishings. Maybe you have a skill, or a hobby that you are really good at. Maybe you are very good at your job.

Sometimes all it takes is one thing to love, and then you can build on it from there.

I mean there has to be something that you like about yourself that are happy with, you just have to willing to look for it and willing to accept it.

Stop accepting everything you think you know, and start looking at what is. Do so in an honest way. Challenge yourself to see yourself.

You might be very very pleasantly surprised at the wonder and miracle that is you.

[KazzaX]

I have gotten the same answer from every therapist i have asked. Its one of those mysterious things that "you need to work out on your own". Thats what they tell me.

[BonnieJean]

my t says that before you can heal, change and grow that you have to recognise the problem. It seems you've identified self esteem is a problem but maybe not what has caused it in your life. Maybe you can head in a direction of talking about that with t. Can she shed any light on why she thinks it is something you're struggling with? Try to engage your t in the process. That might help you understand the situation more.

my t also says the key to building self esteem is be kinder to your self. In other words, to work on accepting the parts/aspects/qualities of yourself that you don't like. Parts of you don't have to be lperfect to be likeable... it is such a personal journey that i can't see self help books being of too much use. that's where i am now-learning to recognize not liking something about myself and being kinder to myself. t says the spectrum of what is likeable is wider than what my perception is. It is hard. I hope this makes sense to you. It is very close to my work right now.

[lostmyway21]

I have a severe self confidence issue. No matter how good I do wih things it always remains the same. Like I did excellent in EMT school, but when it came time to start my job I fell apart because I had no confidence. After I survived that event we talked about it.

He told me its my pattern. I asked him how do I fix my self confidence.. if I'm always going to default back to having none? He told me as I start to accomplish more, I will start to build it off those positive events instead of my negative past life events. He said I need to try and focus my thoughts on the things I have achieved, instead of my past...when my self confidence is very low. He did tell me that it will take a long time, and A LOT of postive events to change that way of thinking.

Originally Posted by dismantle.repair

The last session I had with T... She said that I need to build my self esteem. I have no idea how to start to do that. There is nothing I like about myself...
According to her, as long as I'm not comfortable changing, I won't be able to...

to start with STOP even thinking that you don't like yourself. ever hear fake it till you make it?

try positive affirmations.

put them on your fridge, your steering wheel,your computer screen. they all need to say something positive. try to say them out loud to yourself daily (you can switch them up).

ex: I am a worth while person
I have something to offer the world
I am a caring person
I work hard
etc... there ARE positive things about you, you just have to recognize them and reinforce them to yourself.

Do nice self care things for yourself. A scented bubble bath, a cup of your favorite tea, a pedicure. Do things that make you feel good.
You CAN do this.

[Perna]

Self esteem is feeling good about yourself and, in order to do that, you have to know yourself and befriend yourself. Pretend you are your friend and treat yourself as if you were! Stand up for yourself when "that" voice says something ugly about you.

When I would catch myself making fun of myself or saying something disparaging, I'd "yell" in my head, "SUPPORT!" and three guys in togas would come running from somewhere around my left ear into the dome of my head carrying a Corintian column, set it up, then run out the right ear It amused me and made me feel good that I had this instantaneous "support" from myself.

There are good things about you. Do you have a sense of humor? Use it! You are not "stupid" or you w/could not be here (see, you are on your side already, you came here for help :-) Use your smarts to help you combat the ugly voice. Think about what it says, "You're dumb!" is not very sophisticated? (understatement :-) Talk back to it and use 3-syllable words to silence it! Or, just agree with it and shrug; will make it mad Everyone does "dumb" or "stupid" things, makes mistakes, etc., you forgive yourself, learn from the mistake and do better the next time. Why are you harder on yourself than you are on other people? Best yet, don't compare yourself to other people, just to yourself. Work hard to make mistakes and take chances; there's no other way to learn! You cannot learn while you are doing things perfectly, that implies you already know "that". Mistakes are wonderful gifts, they mean we are learning new things.

[autotelica]

Some people would advise you to find a hobby or something that you think you will be good at doing.

But if your self-esteem is as low as mine can be sometimes, this isn't going to work. You will find yourself comparing yourself to others and driving yourself into an inferiority complex every time you come up short. And it will make you stop liking the activity you thought you had liked in the first place.

So...maybe the thing to do is to try your hand at something you KNOW you will be horrible at doing. This sounds counter-intuitive and to be fair, it is not easy to do. But think about it. If failure is your worst fear, then you have nothing to lose by doing something in which you are almost guaranteed to fail.

For me, I chose yoga--which in all my life I never thought I would have latched onto.

Has it cured of me low self-confidence? No. But it has made me be a little less hard on myself when I don't do well. And it's also made me less likely to compare myself unfavorably to other people. Instead of accusing myself of laziness or another character flaw, I've been able to externalize my short-comings. Being able to externalize has been shown to help depression.

[dismantle.repair]

Thank you for all the replies. I have no idea what I'm going to do. As I said before, there's a noticeable difference in her temperament towards me than before.
...Her body language is her tell, and I can read.

I guess I'll work on this on my own, and try not to drown.