[Miswimmy1]

I dont know what to do. my t told me, "as long as you will work, i will be right there with you," or something to the effect. but also said, "we are in it together, for as long as it takes." I am feeling like i dont want to work, that i am trying and i want a break. a break in our work, not a break seeing her. but i dont think i can hav one without the other. i cant lose her, but i also cant continue on. i am feeling burned out. i dont want to bring it up with her in case she leaves me. but i think she should have some explanation as to why i have been so unmotivated. so what do i do?

[mixedup_emotions]

It would be worthwhile to talk to your T about your fear....that if you don't work, she'll leave you. That's important.

I haven't been working much in therapy either...and my T is ok with that. It's my pace, and I have the power to determine how much work I do or don't do in therapy. Maintaining the connection and strengthening the relationship is an important piece of therapy as well - so that when you do decide to get back into the work, that piece is already intact.

It's not uncommon to go through phases in therapy where the pace is not always aggressive.

[anilam]

IDK if this helps but here I go: After every breakthrough (or really hard work) in therapy I tend to ease up a bit (or a lot) and talk about some happy memories, my achievements... whatever just keeping the conversation light. My T understands this. I've never given it much thought before but I think it might be pretty common in therapy- the speed keeps fluctuating cause our minds need some time to process what has happened?

[lostmyway21]

Not wanting to work isn't reason enough for your T to leave. T's are used to clients going through phases of not wanting to work. Do you not want to work EVER again? That would be a problem. I've wasted plenty of sessions not wanting to work and getting nothing accomplished other than going on a walk with him. He doesn't mind...because its MY session, and if all I want is 50 minutes of being calm and stable, I can have it.

Don't worry to much. I think it really is pretty normal.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I dont know what to do. my t told me, "as long as you will work, i will be right there with you," or something to the effect. but also said, "we are in it together, for as long as it takes." I am feeling like i dont want to work, that i am trying and i want a break. a break in our work, not a break seeing her. but i dont think i can hav one without the other. i cant lose her, but i also cant continue on. i am feeling burned out. i dont want to bring it up with her in case she leaves me. but i think she should have some explanation as to why i have been so unmotivated. so what do i do?

What does your t mean by working? What is it that you arent doing? I had a possible new t call me and tell me that if i was to work with him i would have to do the work and not just come to therapy sessions. It was painful because my xT must have told him that this was my problem with hi. HE H e
never gave me homework and we never talked about me just coming to session and not doing the 2
Work. The termination phase is a blur and Im still left wondering what I did only to have to find out from someone else. But I still dont know and cant find out.
So my ad ice to you would be to ask what her definition of work is. I think her using the termination boundary as a so -called motivational technique is ignorant as it triggers abandonment fears, and a tually increases clinginess. Therapists appear to ignore that attachment issues are real, not a.choice to be dependent. We have an inborn attachment system, and when needs aren't met, in adulthood this system seeks to get what it needs and is activated into an obsessive like state when presented with the possibility of being abandoned. Tell your therapist that the relationship is work, as u know from trying to trust her.then learning that you can. Sorry for this, but we need to stop letting therapists decide what is work and how much progress we.have made, because unless it is openly talked about regularly from both viewpoints, you will always be afraid of if she thinks u r progressing or not and u may be surprised if she is convinced you arent progressing and starts talking about termination. What if you be come more attached because she is activating your biological system and then blames you for it? You present an excellent question and I hope you discuss these possibilities for your own well being, to educate her, and so u can come back and tell us what she says, so we can be educated and maybe all parties can figure it out. Thanks!

Work. I?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I am feeling like i dont want to work, that i am trying and i want a break. a break in our work, not a break seeing her. but i dont think i can hav one without the other.

((MisWimmy))

Could you say to your T, "I'm worn out with therapy. Just for today, could we talk about something else?"

My T has responded to that.

[autotelica]

Maybe you can negotiate with her. Tell her that for the time being, you'd really prefer to intersperse more "light" sessions with "serious" sessions. And that you'd like to have more time to do any homework assignments.

If your sessions were spaced out farther a part, I would say that it's fine to want a break now and again. But since your session frequency is pretty high and you don't want to give up that time, I would REALLY try to squeeze in some productivity in there. It's a trade-off, in other words. I think going in there expecting to do some work keeps things professional and justifies (in both of your minds) the intensity of your relationship.

Just a thought.

Oh I believe T would be ok with a "break" while still continuing therapy. I do that with my clients, sometimes at my suggestion. There are times I spend sessions just continuing to build connection, play games, building basic coping skills, etc. I greatly support people having a break from hard work without out losing therapy/the therapist. That's good self care.

talk to T about lightening the session for a bit, just to regain some energy. You can do it.

Miswimmy,
I think all clients have the right to take a T break especially since Ts themselves do it all the time but it has not been my experience that time is ok. With T1 she freaked out and told me that if I needed a break that if I wasn't in the right space that we should just leave it as in leave her so from that day on I have been afraid to mention any type of break.

[sconnie892]

Would spacing out your appointments more feel like a break without a break? You could still see t, but maybe the pace would be a bit more relaxed for awhile?

About two months ago I was in a "stuck" phase where I came to appointments not knowing what I wanted to talk about. (T requested that I come with issues to talk about). It was a bit of a self-imposed break I guess. I made my own break, but the problem was I didn't let t in on that little fact. So, we weren't on the same page. It was actually t who suggested that we start spacing out sessions more and move toward termination. That freaked me out as I knew there were still issues I needed to work on. That got me back into the t groove and now it's full steam ahead.

Like others said, I would explore the idea with t. You can always explore the idea of a break without actually committing to a break.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by button30

Miswimmy,
I think all clients have the right to take a T break especially since Ts themselves do it all the time but it has not been my experience that time is ok. With T1 she freaked out and told me that if I needed a break that if I wasn't in the right space that we should just leave it as in leave her so from that day on I have been afraid to mention any type of break.

Yeah, I took a therapy break, and it was the reason T said I needed to terminate