[Screenager]

I often feel anger towards my T. Most of the time it's irrational, but sometimes there are real reasons for it.

I get angry because I imagine her having a better life than me. I get angry because I know she has a boyfriend and I've always been bitter and alone. Sometimes she'll say certain things and I'll perceive them as smug or inconsiderate, though they probably aren't. I get angry when she doesn't reply to my e-mails, even though she told me she often doesn't have time for that, and I get angry when she doesn't address the topics I e-mailed about in session, even though it's probably up to me to mention things that are on my mind.

Long story short, I'm angry at her a lot and I don't know if she "deserves" it or whatever, but it's not nice to feel so negatively about someone who's supposed to help me and who, all in all, I actually like.

Can I tell her about this? If so, how? It would probably be a weird conversation. I don't want her to think I hate her or that I'm not satisfied with her therapy.

[sweepy62]

Tell her how u feel my old t showed me that processing things that bother us is good for the therapy relationship it does help hugs

She will know its not her personally...the conversation may be more revealing then uncomfortable.

[alone in the world]

Just be as open with her as you are with us. she will be there for you and help you to understand the anger and disapointment. Don't worry about her feelings she can take it. good luck with the conversation.

Its definitely ok to talk to your t about this. I get angry with my t every few weeks and we talk about it. We work through it.

I get angry at my T on a regular basis. There's lots of reasons, but most of it is not T personally - he's just the one I'm interacting with at the moment, and I'd probably feel the same way toward someone else in the same circumstances. Talking about it helps me to understand myself better and r/s stuff.

Like you, sometimes I just get furious because his life seems so perfect and mine is......well...... not.

Talk to her, and tell her about what you're feeling. You can even say something, "This probably isn't really about you, but I'm just feeling really angry at you and it's confusing me" or something. Like others have said, she'll know it's not about her. I think it's all just how therapy works, the conversation and dynamics between 2 people.

[~EnlightenMe~]

It's good that you notice it, because honestly, I have difficulty differentiating what anger belongs to whom. I definitely would talk to her openly. I think you'll be glad you did.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by Screenager

I often feel anger towards my T. Most of the time it's irrational, but sometimes there are real reasons for it.

I get angry because I imagine her having a better life than me. I get angry because I know she has a boyfriend and I've always been bitter and alone. Sometimes she'll say certain things and I'll perceive them as smug or inconsiderate, though they probably aren't. I get angry when she doesn't reply to my e-mails, even though she told me she often doesn't have time for that, and I get angry when she doesn't address the topics I e-mailed about in session, even though it's probably up to me to mention things that are on my mind.

Long story short, I'm angry at her a lot and I don't know if she "deserves" it or whatever, but it's not nice to feel so negatively about someone who's supposed to help me and who, all in all, I actually like.

Can I tell her about this? If so, how? It would probably be a weird conversation. I don't want her to think I hate her or that I'm not satisfied with her therapy.

It's definitely worthwhile to bring up your feelings, thoughts, reactions to your T. It's great information to help you better understand yourself and your perceptions, where they stem from, to understand whether or not they're accurate...and to be more aware of your process, so you can decide whether or not to make a change.

Some of the things that you are angry are totally legit. Feelings just ARE. But I imagine that the anger may be misdirected at T.....if your T tells you that she doesn't have time to respond to emails, and you get angry when she doesn't respond to them, then that's important information for you. You're angry that she set a boundary and it doesn't meet your need. Talking through it may be helpful.

Also, the fact that your T doesn't bring up stuff that you've mentioned in your emails, and that angers you....is also good information. You're angry at T not being directive instead of owning the responsibility of raising the topics that you want to talk about during session. If you need T to raise the topics, then it's up to you to tell your T what you need. If you're too fearful of that, then explore the fear. What are you fearful of? What gets stirred up for you?

So much material to work with, just on this alone....

Definitely talk to her about it. It's not an easy conversation to start, but then what about therapy IS easy? The first time my t really made me mad, I told her, and we talked about it and it was a real learning experience for me.... how to actually have a civilized conversation about being mad at that person with no one running off in tears. Something I never learned in my um, formative years. Seems in t, the harder something is for me, the more I get out of it and the deeper the healing goes.

[KazzaX]

I get angry at my T every session, so I am somewhat of a pro in that department, lol. It's usually because of something she has said that had p'ed me off. I just tell her off, she apologises, problem solved. She doesn't seem to be all hurt about it .. she is quite in control of herself. If she WAS hurt about it, that is not my problem. Therapists have trained for years to be where they are today.. I'm sure if they could not handle an angry client then they would not be allowed to practise.

[Screenager]

Thanks for your replies, especially for this insight:

Some of the things that you are angry are totally legit. Feelings just ARE. But I imagine that the anger may be misdirected at T.....if your T tells you that she doesn't have time to respond to emails, and you get angry when she doesn't respond to them, then that's important information for you. You're angry that she set a boundary and it doesn't meet your need. Talking through it may be helpful.

Also, the fact that your T doesn't bring up stuff that you've mentioned in your emails, and that angers you....is also good information. You're angry at T not being directive instead of owning the responsibility of raising the topics that you want to talk about during session. If you need T to raise the topics, then it's up to you to tell your T what you need. If you're too fearful of that, then explore the fear. What are you fearful of? What gets stirred up for you?

This is very true, there's probably a lot of things under the surface of my anger, most of all my wish for T to be there for me more than she's able to.

My T always says there's nothing I could say that she can't handle, and that I can talk about really anything in the therapy setting. Now all I need is, as usual, the courage to address this issue.

[Sannah]

Screenager, you can do it! All of this would be great to explore. You will learn a lot from it. I understand how scary it can be to bring something up. I have always forced myself to bring stuff up when it is important like this. I have brought things up shaking, crying, red in the face, white in the face, you name it. I was so glad that I did every time, though. It is the only way to move forward. Keep us posted?