[rainbow8]

I see T tomorrow and then not for 2 weeks at least. There are some truths I have to tell her, and questions to ask. I'm scared and depressed. I have to tell her that most of therapy has been just because I want to be with her. That's so pathetic. I hate myself. Plus, she asked last week if I wanted to be the "most special" to her of her clients. At least I think that's what she meant. I said "no" right away. I think I lied, but part of me thinks I AM most special. I don't know how I could believe all the lies I tell myself.

I have a lot to do because we're going away this week. I don't know if I can deal with therapy now. I'm missing DBT for 3 weeks but my book is already packed! I wish I could talk to my DBT leader about my T and get some more skills. I suppose that wouldn't be out-of-line if it's about skills, would it be?

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I hate myself.

i like you, rainbow. i'll pocket ride with you if you like. best wishes on your session tomorrow.

[mixedup_emotions]

Sounds like you're preparing for a tough session. I hope you are able to gain some level of peace/contentment during this session, especially knowing that it will be a while before you see T again. ((( HUGS )))

[lostmyway21]

I'll pocket ride too.

[adel34]

Hi Rainbow,
Sounds like it's going to be a hard session. I really hope it goes as well as can be expected.
I could be wrong, but I thought part of DBT is getting support in between groups, like over the phone/e-mail for skills when you need it? So if this is true then you should totally be able to communicate with the leader about this outside of group. Thinking of you.

[rainbow8]

Thank you, pocket riders! I'd be grateful for you to be in my pocket.

[taylor43]

I am in your poocket. Hope the session goes good! ((((((((Hugs))))))

[Perna]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I wish I could talk to my DBT leader about my T and get some more skills. I suppose that wouldn't be out-of-line if it's about skills, would it be?

Trying to skill-load to have an excuse to talk to the DBT leader? :-) If you were working on skills, the book would not be packed, you'd be working in/with it. Don't transfer your T's, one to the other to weaken/play them against each other; talk to the one you need to talk to when you need to talk about that one. No fair running from the hard stuff by using the "don't have time for therapy" and DBT excuses.

Think good things are going to happen tomorrow! They are as likely as bad stuff; especially if they are what you prepare for. T's going away are opportunities to try stuff out; you get to try what DBT you have learned out and practice on real world stuff. Look Ma, no hands!

[Chopin99]

I'm in, Rainbow.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Perna

Trying to skill-load to have an excuse to talk to the DBT leader? :-) If you were working on skills, the book would not be packed, you'd be working in/with it. Don't transfer your T's, one to the other to weaken/play them against each other; talk to the one you need to talk to when you need to talk about that one. No fair running from the hard stuff by using the "don't have time for therapy" and DBT excuses.

Think good things are going to happen tomorrow! They are as likely as bad stuff; especially if they are what you prepare for. T's going away are opportunities to try stuff out; you get to try what DBT you have learned out and practice on real world stuff. Look Ma, no hands!

Perna, that's not fair!! I packed my book so I wouldn't forget it. I AM working with it. I already read all the pages for the weeks I'll be away, but of course I'll reread it all. I don't want to play one T against another. I honestly want help. I'd never miss a session unless I were dying. I just don't want to feel worse after my session. My thinking about talking to DBT leader about my T is that she could maybe actually help me. I'm supposed to call her during my trip so I'll see what happens. Yes, good things will happen in my session. I hope so. Right now I have an upset stomach from my stress about packing, etc.

[granite1]

how did it go rainbow?

[rainbow8]

I have a lot of feelings after my session. I'm not angry any more, just sad. Reality hurts. My T understands but it still hurts. We talked about the hurt and tried to get in touch with the sadness about my parents, especially my Mom. It was very difficult for me. I want to write more details but I have to eat dinner first. T and I walked out together but I didn't ask for a hug so I didn't get one. I should have asked. It was a productive session, though it's hard to write about it. I want to, though.

I'm starting a new thread about my session.

(((((HUgs))))))))