It's all a bit hard tonight

Just feeling it.

I see the psychiatrist tomorrow morning. Although sessions with this one (the consultant) are a lot easier than with the psychiatrist I saw initially, I'm still nervous about it. I don't know what i am going to say to him. My moods are up and down like a yoyo. I'm so reactive and it is hard to deal with.
Then on Wednesday afternoon I see my T. Part of me is looking forward to seeing him, but part of me again doesn't know what to say. I want to have made progress, I want to please him, but again I am so up and down and it's hard for me to gain the big picture.
Elder daughter (14) flies off to Tenessee tomorrow to her competition. I'm pleased for her and am sure she will have a wonderful time, but the nerves (about performing) hit her badly today and I find it hard that she is nervous. She's still my baby and I want to make it all OK for her.
Work is still manic and I haven't really written out detailed notes yet for the lessons I will be missing to see the psychiatrist.
I'm overtired and overstretched and trying not to whine. All this will pass, I know, but it does weigh heavy right now.

On the positive side, the team were apparently all thrilled with the t-shirts i made for them, which was good. We also managed to solve the problem of transporting the scenery by loaning out my fencing bag, which was another good thing. And H is taking daughter to school tomorrow for the departure - I'm pleased about that as she leaves at 6am from her school - half an hour's drive away. H has offered to do it as otherwise I would be taking her over, returning home, and then returning to the same place within half an hour for my own day's work!
This too shall pass....

My two cents, for what they're worth, is that you should try not to worry about impressing him. Just be honest about how things are going. In short, tell him what you told us.

Thanks, JustBen. I know that is true, but I also know how hard it is for me to feel I have not done what people want me to do, even when I know I am doing the right thing for me. I'm going to try - even if it means writing down how I am feeling or even emailing it to my T.
Thank you
C

How about setting your own goals of what you want to complete instead of the therapy professionals setting the goals that they want you to complete. Therapy is suposed to be based on what the client needs anyway.

While you are in thinking about therapy take a piece of paper and write down what you see is your problems and possible goals around those problems. and then write down ways that help you to accomplish taking care of things in general and then when you go to therapy take the paper with you and hand it to him and then ask Do you see anything that I missed in looking at this problem and ways that I can take care of this problem. have him write them on the paper.

Then using the paper and considering both yours and his ideas plan to try one or two of those brainstormed ideas from that session until the next one.

You keep a daily journal so this next step won't be new to you. write a sentence in the journal on how that chosen idea worked that day or not.

Then the night before your next session copy out those sentences from the journal about how that idea worked or didn't work between sessions.

this way you are not disappointing him or yourself because all a therapist wants is a person to try. They don't expect things to work all the time because one thing does not fit everybody and every problem. He will see you are doing your part and you will have the things in writing to show yourself when you feel like you are not getting anything done but by just trying you are accomplishing alot. and over time you will see the problem changing and at a pace that you can handle withoput getting stressed out before every therapy session.

Thanks, myself

My T asked me about my goals at the start of our sessions. I guess I have lost sight of them a bit. But in other ways i am still workingon them. I don't know.

I did try to be honest with the psychiatrist today. He wants me to increase one of my meds. I explained how hard I find it to be on so many different meds and he seemed to understand. But at the same time he wants me to increase them. I can understand his reasons and I know theya re sound ones but there is a part of me inside which is really fighting to stop taking all the tablets and that is why I keep trying to reduce them. Now he has given me that order I guess I need to stick to it.



Thank you.

Glad you were able to talk to him. I have never had a problem of my memory pieces interfering with my medications. If that memory content had taking medication as a part of that memory I could and would take the medication while in that memory piece. If the memory piece did not contain the memory of taking medication I could not take medication when in that piece of memory. as far as I know there is no memory pieces of mine that is where I was fighting taking medication during an abuse situation. I rarely fought back in any of my abuse situations, because I just knew the abuse would get worse if I did. If anything I just forgot to take it just from normal forgetfulness when I was aware. So I cant help you with memory pieces that interfer with medication dosage and how to take it. I fixed forgetting to take the medicine by keeping a medication log in my journal. I took the medication every night and as I did I filled in the medication log of date, time, medication and how much. Yes stick with what your doctor has prescribed. It is very dangerious to mess around decreasing and increasing medication without a doctor doing it. A friend of mine experienced a stroke because she kept moving her medication up and down up and down on her own so sometimes she over medicated and other times she under medicated which threw her brain chemicals so out of whack that the body reacted as it would in a suicide attempt. she experienced a coma and stroke combination. Prescribing physicians know how to adjust medication with the least disruption to the body. So its best to leave the adjusting of medication to the professionals who have been trained to do so.