[Gadgetsmile]

Not mentally strong enough at the moment ....Really?

Surely when you are struggling that is when you need therapy?

The MHN (mental health nurse) feels there is too much going on at the moment for her to refer me to therapy... Sure my 4 year old and I are technically homeless sharing a room in a hostel, sure my daughter is having trouble adjusting to all the changes and her behaviour is reflecting it which does stress me out, sure my family have tried contacting me again, sure my dad can be a muppet when he has had too much cannabis, and yes my head is a bit of a mess at the moment.
But not mentally strong enough?

Honestly! She has a little bit of info in a brief outline from my old t, but she has no idea what I have been through and I'm still here, plus if she waits for my life to be on track she could be waiting a long time! Even when all the abuse stopped these last 10 years haven't been a picnic, although 2 t's have said that I was emotionally abused for a further 4 years by my mates mum when I moved in there and still went to see her after she kicked me out for reasons that were selfish on her part and the others were out of my control. Getting off point... If I waited for sunshine and rainbows to ever get therapy I probably wouldnt have been strong enough to get this far.

To be fair though I did have the same discussion with my old t (who was really good), I found out I was going to be made homeless after our 3rd session, and it was limited sessions, so I kept asking her not to devote time to it because it is not the first time I've been put in this position, this is the 4th. So I think I can handle it. I was just angry that this person had made my innocent 4 year old homeless too.

What is it with these people?

Surely I should know where my limit lies?

The reason I went to therapy in the past is to siphon off some of the crap so that I at least felt like I was making a dent in the amount of crap I'd have to sift through at a later date.

It all feel on deaf ears.

Instead I get mood stabilisers, and appointments with her weekly to discuss my mood and all the little stuff that doesn't matter.
In 4-6 weeks I will see the pdoc who can confirm dx (which I was told was confirmed) of PTSD and can check for a possible dx of a mood disorder.

Not mentally strong enough ATM!

Sorry for ranting...

[Mike_J]

Well it sounds like you have good reason to rant.. I prefer to call it venting, and it's a good thing.

If you can find a therapist who will see you then who is anyone else to tell you that you are not "strong enough" to see them?

[Gadgetsmile]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

Well it sounds like you have good reason to rant.. I prefer to call it venting, and it's a good thing.

If you can find a therapist who will see you then who is anyone else to tell you that you are not "strong enough" to see them?

The thing is I can't afford a private t so, have to get one on the NHS, for that I need a referral and they won't do it because I'm 'not mentally strong enough at the moment'!

So I have to take the meds and wait ...

[sunrise]

I think a person needs a certain degree of ego strength for certain types of therapy. If it were me deciding on the referral, I would assess the ego strength and recommend therapy that is not too harsh, downgrading, or apt to trigger the person into a crisis if the person currently doesn't have the ego strength to withstand that. I think any person can benefit from the less harsh, more supportive therapies and they can work toward greater ego strength and perhaps a different therapeutic approach down the road, if the more supportive therapy cannot help with their issues. For example, I recommended recently that a young man have interpersonal therapy rather than CBT because I didn't think his current ego strength could handle CBT. IPT was a much better fit, and it is an evidence-based therapy for depression and anxiety, which were his main complaints. I do not think he would have been helped by CBT and given his fragility, he might have been harmed by it. I know your situation is different, but I just give that as an example of how a certain type of therapy might not do a person good.

Anyway, I don't know what types of therapists your nurse was reluctant to refer you to, but maybe if you specifically asked her for referrals to therapists skilled in the supportive therapies, she might be willing?

I'm sorry you are stuck in this situation. Your nurse sounds unknowledgeable about therapy and how it can help a person.

I'm sorry Gadgetsmile . You have so much on your plate right now, I really hope things get more stable for you soon. It would be very frustrating to want the support of a T and not have that available.

I am not sure what type therapies are most popular with T's in your area or what modalities would be available with the T's provided by the NHS. I know this is something you really want, but sometimes therapy can be a very painful process. Maybe the nurse is considering this when she says you are not "stable" enough and just doesn't want to add to all you already have.

I don't like the words she used and it would make me mad too. Clearly you are extremely strong and your strength will carry you through this. If you feel that she really does not know what shes talking about, is there any way could speak with mental health nurses supervisor? I don't really know how it works there. Is there another option for maybe talking to someone else to impress upon them your need for therapy?

Please keep us posted on how you are doing

[Gadgetsmile]

Originally Posted by sunrise

I think a person needs a certain degree of ego strength for certain types of therapy. If it were me deciding on the referral, I would assess the ego strength and recommend therapy that is not too harsh, downgrading, or apt to trigger the person into a crisis if the person currently doesn't have the ego strength to withstand that. I think any person can benefit from the less harsh, more supportive therapies and they can work toward greater ego strength and perhaps a different therapeutic approach down the road, if the more supportive therapy cannot help with their issues. For example, I recommended recently that a young man have interpersonal therapy rather than CBT because I didn't think his current ego strength could handle CBT. IPT was a much better fit, and it is an evidence-based therapy for depression and anxiety, which were his main complaints. I do not think he would have been helped by CBT and given his fragility, he might have been harmed by it. I know your situation is different, but I just give that as an example of how a certain type of therapy might not do a person good.

Anyway, I don't know what types of therapists your nurse was reluctant to refer you to, but maybe if you specifically asked her for referrals to therapists skilled in the supportive therapies, she might be willing?

I'm sorry you are stuck in this situation. Your nurse sounds unknowledgeable about therapy and how it can help a person.

I don't even know what is availiable. The therapist I went to before with the limited sessions was trained in a few different approaches, trauma, person centred and CBT. But she was of a similar opinion, although she said I would benefit from having the support with the current issues and doing more work (I don't know if it has a specific title) on like core beliefs and working through the effects just not the trauma stuff, although I will need to work on it at some point.

Originally Posted by Psychicbaby323

I'm sorry Gadgetsmile . You have so much on your plate right now, I really hope things get more stable for you soon. It would be very frustrating to want the support of a T and not have that available.

I am not sure what type therapies are most popular with T's in your area or what modalities would be available with the T's provided by the NHS. I know this is something you really want, but sometimes therapy can be a very painful process. Maybe the nurse is considering this when she says you are not "stable" enough and just doesn't want to add to all you already have.

I don't like the words she used and it would make me mad too. Clearly you are extremely strong and your strength will carry you through this. If you feel that she really does not know what shes talking about, is there any way could speak with mental health nurses supervisor? I don't really know how it works there. Is there another option for maybe talking to someone else to impress upon them your need for therapy?

Please keep us posted on how you are doing

It's not so much a want but a need. I isolate myself and therefore have no one to turn to when things get rough. Which makes things ten times worse.
Things are a little rough but honestly this isnt the first time, the thing that makes it worse is my 4 year old K. I feel like a rubbish parent because my decisions got her here, and my PTSD and mood swings, and anger at the whole situation has just made it more difficult for K, and she deserves better. She is struggling and that just makes me more stressed, and feel worse which makes her feel worse it's an endless cycle and there is nothing I can do.

I can talk to the mental health nurse about the homeless thing and my daughter, and possibly any little things but she can't help with the PTSD symptoms. And when I get stressed the symptoms get worse. That is what I really need help with but it seems neither of them think it is a good idea.

I don't know, my head is a mess at the moment but my mood has been like a yoyo. I need to bash this out with someone who knows what I have been through to understand why I feel the way I feel.

I don't know nothing makes sense at the moment

But thanks for your replies.

I don't think your nurse has an idea of how much you need therapy right now. You need some support for your mental health. I think she really hasn't a clue what you need. Can you ask someone else to refer you?
I am sorry things are so hard for you right now and have been so hard, sometimes you have to go through the bad to get to the good (((((hugs))))))

[Gadgetsmile]

Originally Posted by button30

I don't think your nurse has an idea of how much you need therapy right now. You need some support for your mental health. I think she really hasn't a clue what you need. Can you ask someone else to refer you?
I am sorry things are so hard for you right now and have been so hard, sometimes you have to go through the bad to get to the good (((((hugs))))))

I haven't stopped thinking about it and maybe she said it all wrong, but maybe she has a point? Not a very good one but I can see what she means, it's is like my ex t said, maybe going through the sexual abuse trauma isn't the best idea, and even to a point the stuff with my mother too, and the nurse has talked with me about the current situation and about my daughter and how I feel about it. But then she just gets frustrated with me and tells me I have to stop beating myself up. To be fair my ex t was of a similar opinion and said that I do almost as job of beating myself up as my mother did.
I just don't know what's good for me at the moment all I know is I need to be better for my daughter. She is number 1. The flashbacks are too much at the moment though.

I don't know, maybe I should just talk to her about the here and now problems and wait for things to calm down, get housed, get kaitlyn straightened out so her behaviour improves at school, take the meds and hope that I can stop being a mess so kaitlyn isn't stressed by my stress.
I don't know
I'm rambling. Sorry.

im sorry... this sounds like bullpuckey to me.

[WikidPissah]

You really have to be in a stable place to do trauma work, because things get worse before they get better. I think you deserve therapy, everyone does, just not the real hard stuff yet. Are there any domestic violence centers near you? They often offer free therapy.

[Gadgetsmile]

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

im sorry... this sounds like bullpuckey to me.

Really?
Care to enlighten me on why you think that?
I wouldn't want to jump to conclusions.

[ECHOES]

I think the mental health nurse might be speaking about how hard therapy can be, that it can disrupt or add chaos to our lives at times. It can be so hard to work on the things we need to work on. But she surely should recognize that you need support right now as you deal with what the circumstances of your life currently - help to get to the point where you are in a 'stronger mental state'. Could you ask the MHN for someone to give you support now, and deeper therapy a bit later?

Originally Posted by Gadgetsmile

I don't know, maybe I should just talk to her about the here and now problems and wait for things to calm down, get housed, get kaitlyn straightened out so her behaviour improves at school, take the meds and hope that I can stop being a mess so kaitlyn isn't stressed by my stress.
I don't know
I'm rambling. Sorry.

Gadgetsmile staying in the here and now is an excellent idea. It is so clear the you love your daughter and want what is best for her. Can you continue to try to focus on you and her and right now? A very good way to keep that focus is with mindfulness meditations and activities. There are a lot you can find on youtube.

If kaitlyn is school age you can have her do them with you. You could make it a fun special experience for her...maybe explain you understand she is frustrated, but want to teach her a way to get a break from those feelings. You could hold her while you both breathe and listen and it may give both you and her a much needed rest from the past and the future...

[mixedup_emotions]

I agree that it's important that you need to address the things that are in need of attention now....but I'd imagine that a therapist could really be of help to you with that. It's a difficult struggle, and you need the support.

I also agree that working through issues in therapy requires strength and a healthy network of support. I have heard time and time again that one needs to be in a good place in order to tackle some of the difficult things in therapy.

For instance, trauma work. My T has told me that I have to have certain things in place before I can delve into trauma work. The most important is some stability in my life, a network of people that I can rely on for support outside of T, and a game plan on how to handle surges of anxiety/craziness that is stirred up while doing trauma work. I don't have all of that in place, yet, so I am not tackling trauma work right now.