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  #1  
Old Oct 11, 2012, 09:58 PM
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Miswimmy1 Miswimmy1 is offline
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My t is back from vacation. We have had two good sessions. Things are going ok. But why am I so afraid? I feel like things have been going well. And now I feel like how I feel when I'm in a rupture. Only that doesn't make sense... I'm not in a rupture. I don't know what I'm afraid of even. I just have this nervous energy inside. I wanna go hide. But hide from what? My thoughts are churning. I don't even know why I'm posting. I guess I'm curious if anyone can relate? And if so, what did u do to calm down?
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  #2  
Old Oct 11, 2012, 10:57 PM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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You could be afraid of being to close to your T and have that not last. You could be afraid of the intensity of the T-relationship. You could be afraid of issues you're gettting to. You could be afraid of a lot of things. Do you have ANY idea what makes you so afraid right now?

I get nervous with my T all of the time until we get "into" the session. There are a lot of reasons why. I'm afraid of her "seeing me" sometimes. Therapy is so intense. It's hard and complicated.
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  #3  
Old Oct 11, 2012, 11:06 PM
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Miswimmy1 Miswimmy1 is offline
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I'm going to be alone all day tomorrow... And I'm having flashbacks of when I was in crisis before I met t. I feel like I'm not stable enough to be alone that long... The thought of that sets me into a wave of anxiousness
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  #4  
Old Oct 11, 2012, 11:10 PM
Emotionally Dead Emotionally Dead is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miswimmy1 View Post
I'm going to be alone all day tomorrow... And I'm having flashbacks of when I was in crisis before I met t. I feel like I'm not stable enough to be alone that long... The thought of that sets me into a wave of anxiousness
Where are you going to be alone? Will you be able to be on the computer? If so, just be on here and chat with us and pretend you aren't alone. Really, you wouldn't be alone as there would be members here to talk to you.

I think this is all anxiety kicking in. I know how you feel, mine has been horrible all day. I think it is taking over today and causing you to worry about everything. Listen, I am sire when you go see your T it will all get better . Just tell your T what is going on. I know it's hard, but it is going to be okay, I promise . You aren't alone.
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  #5  
Old Oct 11, 2012, 11:14 PM
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Miswimmy1 Miswimmy1 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emotionally Dead View Post
Where are you going to be alone? Will you be able to be on the computer? If so, just be on here and chat with us and pretend you aren't alone. Really, you wouldn't be alone as there would be members here to talk to you.

I think this is all anxiety kicking in. I know how you feel, mine has been horrible all day. I think it is taking over today and causing you to worry about everything. Listen, I am sire when you go see your T it will all get better . Just tell your T what is going on. I know it's hard, but it is going to be okay, I promise . You aren't alone.
Thx. I have the day off tomorrow. I'm in 10th grade. So I'll be in my house... I see t sat.
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  #6  
Old Oct 11, 2012, 11:20 PM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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I'd forgotten or didn't know you are so young! 10th grade. Wow! I'm sorry you're afraid of being alone. Has your T done breathing or meditation with you? Or try distracting yourself with a good novel or video or something you like to do? Or keep posting here!
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  #7  
Old Oct 11, 2012, 11:26 PM
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Miswimmy1 Miswimmy1 is offline
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T has done breathing with me. But I use that more for panic attacks and anxiety. This is just straight fear. I'm not hyperventilating. Yet. I emailed t, but she hasn't answered. So I have the fear that she isnt going to answer along with the fear I hav already about being alone. I wanna go to bed. And be under the blankets. I wish I could hear t's voice.
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  #8  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 03:50 AM
Anonymous32765
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Miswhimmy, (hugs) sorry you are feeling so scared and anxious! Maybe you can distract yourself., by going out with friends tonight, a movie or something until you see t tomorrow! Once there is a break in our therapy all these feelings and insecurities arise and mostly they are not pleasant! I hope your t will email you back so you have some peace.
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  #9  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 09:15 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Hi Swimmy, hope you are doing okay today.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
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  #10  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 01:33 PM
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Waterbottle922 Waterbottle922 is offline
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Hey. Sending. :: and love your way! Stay strong. You're making it through the day. It's already almost over, compared to when you started at least.

Take care!!
Kelly
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  #11  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 06:27 PM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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Hi Miswimmy, how are things now? How was your day?
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  #12  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 06:43 PM
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ECHOES ECHOES is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miswimmy1 View Post
My t is back from vacation. We have had two good sessions. Things are going ok. But why am I so afraid? I feel like things have been going well. And now I feel like how I feel when I'm in a rupture. Only that doesn't make sense... I'm not in a rupture. I don't know what I'm afraid of even. I just have this nervous energy inside. I wanna go hide. But hide from what? My thoughts are churning. I don't even know why I'm posting. I guess I'm curious if anyone can relate? And if so, what did u do to calm down?
Maybe you are like me, in that I can deal with breaks fine, but returning to therapy can be hard. We've explored that and looked at several issues - that I might bury my feelings about her going to be away and then the fears surface when it feels safe for them to - when she returns. And/or that I have a fear when restarting therapy that something has changed and therapy and T will be different upon her return. And/or that I am afraid that if I survive, and even or especially, if I thrive during her vacation, then she might deem me no longer needing therapy, so I am in fear of losing the relationship. Or, that to deal with her being gone, I have to push her away and then when she returns I want to let her back in, and that's just hard. And then there is that the intimacy of the relationship is something unique to my life, so returning to that is intimidating.
There are many things to look at.

It always gets better. Hang in there!
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  #13  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 07:26 PM
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CantExplain CantExplain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miswimmy1 View Post
My t is back from vacation. We have had two good sessions. Things are going ok. But why am I so afraid? I feel like things have been going well. And now I feel like how I feel when I'm in a rupture. Only that doesn't make sense... I'm not in a rupture. I don't know what I'm afraid of even. I just have this nervous energy inside. I wanna go hide. But hide from what? My thoughts are churning. I don't even know why I'm posting. I guess I'm curious if anyone can relate? And if so, what did u do to calm down?
WILD SPECULATION:

Did a parent ever punish you for being happy?
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Add that to your tattoo, Baby!
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  #14  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 08:04 PM
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Ike McCaslin Ike McCaslin is offline
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Miswimmy, hope you are doing OK. Let us know.
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Once in a while you get shown the light,
in the strangest of places if you look at it right.

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  #15  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 08:31 PM
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Miswimmy1 Miswimmy1 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3 View Post
Hi Miswimmy, how are things now? How was your day?
My day was stressful. But I did ok... As in, no panic attacks or anything major like that. I see t in the morning.
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  #16  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 08:33 PM
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Miswimmy1 Miswimmy1 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CantExplain View Post
WILD SPECULATION:

Did a parent ever punish you for being happy?
No one has ever "punished" me for being happy. But it is true that my enthusiasm is not always directed at things ppl find worthwhile. I don't know if that answers the question or not.
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  #17  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 08:44 PM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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Good job Miswimmy!
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  #18  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 08:56 PM
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~EnlightenMe~ ~EnlightenMe~ is offline
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I think sometimes it is difficult to really believe that things are going well and there's nothing to worry about. I think of it as being hypervigilant, it's like you have to make sure to stay alert just in case so if she starts to pull away, then you can do something to correct the situation. It is irrational as I think abandonment fears come from the emotional part only, and it can't be thought into changing, if that makes sense.
You are still learning to trust, so what you are experiencing now is a part of that. It will get better in time, and when you do trust your T, you will know it. It is a very grounding feeling.
Thinking about you. Let us know how you are doing.
I'm so afraid
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