Hi this must have been discussed a lot before but I can´t find any old threads.

For those of you who email T do you reflect on what time it is. I emailed my ex-T at 10 pm yesterday and the day before that at 6 pm.

Is that a boundary crossing ? I would never text/call that late but now I am almost embarressed if it´s the same?

[BonnieJean]

I don't think the time you email matters like a phone call would in terms of being disruptive. Your t can view email whenever. I keep timing in mind a bit because I known when mine tends to check hers. Depending on the day that's once every 24 hours or longer...

[WePow]

My T allows email because it keeps me safe at any hour. T can check the email when he wants to check it. I know if it is something urgent I am expected to call him. So it all works out. If you are one of the lucky ones who are allowed open email to T as a therapy tool, that is exactly what they want us to use it for.

Thanks.I don´t know if I am allowed or not. It´s my ex-t who wrote me an mail to wich I had to reply twice. Just got embarresed if the mail would be send to her Iphone late at night also. I am usually good with boundaries. Apparently not emails and Iphone stuff. I have an old old old Nokia so the thought did not cross my mind Hopefully she´s okey with it though

Thanks for replying

[autotelica]

I don't think it matters...unless you're looking for an immediate response. I would never expect to get a reply if I sent an email after 8:00 PM.

Plus, your time may not match the timestamp of your email. My hotmail is on GMT. So your therapist may not even readily know when you sent it.

I think you'll be okay. A lot of my emails to T are written and sent in the early hours when my thoughts are racing and I can't sleep. My T probably would rather I email at 10pm - they'd probably be more coherent and sensible... Sometimes she replies in the morning, sometimes the next night... I never really know if/when I can expect a reply.

[sunrise]

I think emailing outside of work hours is just fine because it is the T who sets the boundaries on when he checks his email. The T can choose to never check emails until he arrives at work each morning. The boundaries on the timing of checking are up to him.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Agree with the others - emailing T can be done at any time. They choose when to check it. If your T is one that has email sent to their phone...well, they can set the alerts to not notify them during certain hours.

The only time I consider what time I'm sending an email is if I know I'll be anxiously waiting a response. My T tends to check emails first thing in the morning and again at the end of the work day. So, the closer I send to those times, the more quickly I'll get a response. I also know that my T does not have her email pushed to her phone (I asked), so I don't worry about that.

[rainbow8]

Often in the past I emailed my T at midnight or later! I know she doesn't stay up late like I do, and that she usually reads my emails in the morning. I don't think it matters at all since an email can be read at one's convenience.

[confused and dazed]

Hi,
I once emailed my T at 2am. My next session T wanted to know if I was having trouble sleeping. It made a good session, as I was having trouble sleeping!

[dismantle.repair]

I tend to send emails at 3am- 4am if I need to.
I know the times she checks them, so I can work with it.

My therapist is a night owl like me, and I've gotten replies as late as nearly 3 AM, so I really don't think twice about the time I email him. I figure it's his responsibility to turn off notifications or not check mail if he doesn't want to. I agree with the others who have said it's not a boundary violation to email late; I don't see it as the same as calling or texting.

[likelife]

I don't think it's a boundary crossing either, but I found what just some girl said interesting. I often email in the wee hours of the night, or early morning, when I feel less guarded and/or needy, I guess. I don't feel as much of an urge to write during the day.

[keepingalice]

Originally Posted by WePow

My T allows email because it keeps me safe at any hour. T can check the email when he wants to check it. I know if it is something urgent I am expected to call him. So it all works out. If you are one of the lucky ones who are allowed open email to T as a therapy tool, that is exactly what they want us to use it for.

I am one of those lucky ones who has a super patient, compassionate, empathetic therapist. I still apologize everytime I email though because I just wish I didn't feel so bad or that I had to tell him all this terrible stuff. I just want to be happy and normal and be able to live in the real world. Yesterday, I was hiding in the laundry room and I emailed him and to my amazement he emailed back in 1/2 hour and all my anxiousness melted away and I felt fine for a while. I feel so dependent on him, like he's a father to me, and we have talked about that, so I am aware and so is he. I'm rambling, aren't I? Sorry...

[dolphingirl]

I don't usually email my T late (after 10pm), but based on the time I email, I kind of know when to expect a response. I did email once on a Saturday evening and was not expecting a reply until mid-Monday morning, but I got one a couple of hours later. I personally don't expect people, T, others at work, etc., to reply to a work email during their vacation, on the weekends, etc., but I feel that if they do read & reply, they are interrupting their time, not you interrupting it.