Can a 7 year old girl molest an 8 year old boy?

Can a 7 year old be responsible for either instigating or participating in sexual contact as a result of having been exposed by an older person? Where is the line between molesting another kid and engaging in sex play together?

The cousin who stole my car just told me he feels like I molested him b/c when I was 6 or 7, I used to "force" him to give me oral sex, and that I need to take responsibility for hurting him.

He said that he forgave me, so why can't I forgive his (7 years older) brother for hurting me?

I don't remember forcing his violent 8 year old self to do anything, nor do I feel that sexual interactions between mostly same age kids vs a 7 year old and a 14 year old are the same thing.

Opinions? And don't hold back for fear of hurting my feelings.

[velcro003]

ummm, no. it sounds like he has twisted the truth to fit his own coping style. #1 he was older, and #2, boys in general are stronger than girls. I don't know about at such a young age...but i highly doubt you used force to "make" you do that to him. MAYBE, but it doesn't sound like it in this situation. Especially if he is trying to use that to rationalize his brother molesting you. And yes a 14 year old doing that to a 7 year old is molestation. 14 year olds know what they are doing.

[SoupDragon]

At age 7 and 8, if this did happen, you were both really young children and at this age, I don't believe that children would know there was anything wrong with their behaviour. He may have issues now as an adult if he feels he did have unwanted early sexual contact, but in my opinion that would not mean that the other child was therefore responsible for their behaviour and "molestation" would not be an appropriate term to use. I am sure a 7 year old who was being forced to have sexual contact with a much older child (aged 14) would just be acting out this imbalance of power, in the same way that kids may play at being super heros or other characters - at 7 I do not believe that a child would know their behaviour was wrong.

Soup

[autotelica]

Of course they aren't the same.

He's trying to guilt you into thinking that just because you did one thing voluntarily, that means you must have asked for the other. And just because you supposedly hurt him, that gives someone else license to hurt you. He's try to screw with your mind. Don't let him do this.

Originally Posted by autotelica

Of course they aren't the same.

He's trying to guilt you into thinking that just because you did one thing voluntarily, that means you must have asked for the other. And just because you supposedly hurt him, that gives someone else license to hurt you. He's try to screw with your mind. Don't let him do this.

He said the opposite. I told him that IF I was the one who introduced sex play, I only did it because his brother did it to me first.

So he said that he hears me saying that since his brother hurt me, it was okay for me to hurt him.

I told him a 7 year old doesn't have the concept of malice and purposely hurting someone else, but he says he disagrees and all the sexual contact we had I was hurting him and he was afraid of me.

I remember being afraid of HIM sometimes, and I remember our sexual contact as consensual (more or less, there were things I didn't like to do).

But I don't know.

When I was 6, I DID molest my almost 2 year old brother once. He just doesn't remember it. My mom caught me and put an end to it, but never thought to ask me where I learned it, so it just went on for years longer with my cousin. So I am guilty of molesting someone.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

He said the opposite. I told him that IF I was the one who introduced sex play, I only did it because his brother did it to me first.

So he said that he hears me saying that since his brother hurt me, it was okay for me to hurt him.

I told him a 7 year old doesn't have the concept of malice and purposely hurting someone else, but he says he disagrees and all the sexual contact we had I was hurting him and he was afraid of me.

I remember being afraid of HIM sometimes, and I remember our sexual contact as consensual (more or less, there were things I didn't like to do).

But I don't know.

When I was 6, I DID molest my almost 2 year old brother once. He just doesn't remember it. My mom caught me and put an end to it, but never thought to ask me where I learned it, so it just went on for years longer with my cousin. So I am guilty of molesting someone.

No you are not - you were just acting out a behaviour that you had been exposed to, that as a young child you did not understand.

[mixedup_emotions]

I'd imagine that it would be important to address his feelings about what occurred between the two of you (and yours) separately from what occurred between you and his brother. I'm not sure anyone here is willing to do that. It's definitely a difficult situation.

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I'd imagine that it would be important to address his feelings about what occurred between the two of you (and yours) separately from what occurred between you and his brother. I'm not sure anyone here is willing to do that. It's definitely a difficult situation.

::shrug:: I feel like it was consensual even if it was wrong that were were doing it at all. There has to be a 5 year separation to be considered molestation, and I think his "feelings" are designed to manipulate me and excuse his stealing my car. But hey- who knows.

Maybe I was an evil peer molesting 7 year old with a black heart.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

::shrug:: I feel like it was consensual even if it was wrong that were were doing it at all. There has to be a5 year separation to be considered molestation, and I think his "feelings" are designed to manipulate me and excuse his stealing my car. But hey- who knows.

Maybe I was an evil peer molesting 7 year old with a black heart.

It does sound like he's trying to use it against you as a form of manipulation....or he may also be expressing some of his feelings of hurt and anger about what occurred back then....you really can't know unless you have an honest conversation with both sides willing to listen. It doesn't sound like that will happen any time soon. Saying that there has to be a 5 year separation to be considered molestation is really just a way to dismiss his feelings.

Right now, it just seems to be used as a way to blame and attack you - and you're feeling defensive. I don't blame you for feeling that way.

[Rapunzel]

What do you want to accomplish in making the determination? Children that young don't make it up on their own, although they do act out what was done to them or what they have seen, probably in an effort to try to make sense of it and understand it. Of course both children would have been affected by premature sexual exposure, and both should have had guidance or treatment to help deal with it. If treatment wasn't given then, both probably still have confusion and hurt, which can get harder to deal with over time when it wasn't properly addressed, and both probably need to talk to someone about it. Blaming one or the other child is not likely to be healing for anyone. It happened, and it affected both of you, and you can identify the results of it and address what needs to be addressed.

The 14-year-old was old enough to know better, although chances are that he was also victimized by someone. Abuse comes in cycles, and there is a reason why people do the things that they do. If the cycle is continuing, intervention needs to happen to stop it and keep other children from being hurt.

At six or seven years old, you were a child and someone else was responsible for what you did, not you.

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

Saying that there has to be a 5 year separation to be considered molestation is really just a way to dismiss his feelings.

I'm not just saying that. That is the generally accepted age difference for molestation vs experimentation (when no force was used).

I told him I did not remember things the way he did, but if he felt that I hurt him I was sorry.