I can't make eye contact with therapist.

This is such an intense issue for me that I just got vertigo so if my spelling is off. sorry

Ive been in therapy for 3 or 4 years and I have never been able to keep eye contact with T for more than a few seconds. I mentioned this to him b/c I dont want him to think I'm being evasive or lying. I'm afraid that I'll see disgust or exasperation in his eyes. He's the only person I talk to about my depression, anxiety..

I dont cry with others. I have cried with therapist occasionaly but I work very hard to suppress tears I hate the way I sound when I cry. It embarrasses me, like ive made a fool of myself. he says that it's safe to cry and i believe it , He encourages me to cry but its painful and I feel vulnerable., it makes me want to throw up. I have no problem crying when I'm alone. The only tear that flow easily are when I'm angry or frustrated,
When my mom died I cried, privately. I wouldnt let others comfort me even though they saw no tears. I come off as cold and I'm not a cold person.
I see others cry, I mean tears, sobs, out loud crying, the works and I'm astonished. I wonder if I'll ever let myself cry with others without wanting to throw up or getting dizzy.

I'm sorry darling. Your feelings are normal and common. I have had the same situations happen... where I find myself fighting to not cry in T.. and I want to cry.. and I feel the tears, but I can't let go in that situation...

I used to never look at my T... to the point where sometimes I'd try to trick her by removing my glasses.. so I was looking at her, but I couldn't see her eyes.. it was all a blur.. but I worked on it every session.. looking a little longer and a little longer and more frequently.. and I don't force myself to look at her all the time cause that would be just as weird... but I realized my progress when during the last session... as I was leaving, she looked me straight in the eye and and said Have a happy thanksgiving, Eeyore.. and for the first time I SAW her... I really connected.. I looked in her eyes long enough to see what color they were... and it was comforting.. lovely.. wonderful.. and growth.. just keep trying... I know we feel like peole will see us that way because we see ourselves that way, but practice with T lets us know that our thoughts are flawed and we are normal lovable people who deserve a whole life, just like everyone else.

I'm sorry that eye contact is hard for you, and it causes you physical symptoms. Please share your post with him.

Sometimes when I don't want to really hear what my therapist says I lose eye contact with her. I know she told me to look at her over thirty times today, because she was trying to tell me "important things." Sometimes it's just to darn hard!

I wish you well in opening up about this topic.

Eye contact is difficult when feeling vulnerable, I don't think it's unusual for people to avoid it in therapy. Crying makes us feel more vulnerable and exposed, so it's understandable to try and suppress tear, too. I think the longer you're in therapy, and the deeper the trust and bond gets between you and your T, the more comfortable you will get and the less vulnerable you will feel. I think ultimately it's a trust thing, and it takes a lot of time for some of us.

I've suffered with vertigo and nausea from anxiety, too, but I haven't had so many problems with it for a long time now. Things will get better, honestly. I think discussing this is the first step in confronting the fear and taking the power out of it.

I'm Aspergic and for a long time eye contact was a big problem for me.
It would take an effort of will to look T in the eye.
But it got easier with practice.

[quote=hester91;2725973] I'm afraid that I'll see disgust or exasperation in his eyes. He's the only person I talk to about my depression, anxiety..

Hester, rest assured that if you look your T in the eyes, the only thing you will see is compassion and caring. Therapist is a person, a human being just like you - not perfect, has his own faults, has made his own mistakes - so being the professional that he is, has learned never to look at others with disgust or exasperation, knowing that he himself is imperfect.

Think of all the warmth and empathy you're missing by NOT looking at your therapist. I know it takes courage, but try - I'm sure you'll find an imperfect human being who cares about you looking back.

I find that it is easier to look at him while he is talking. I never seem to look at anyone when I am the one speaking.

its hard (i hav anxiety and eye contact is hard) . i started by taking quick peeks while she was talking. then i would try and hold her gaze while she was talking. then i would take peeks while i talked, but all i saw was caring. so i got more and more comfortable looking at her. now i try my best to look at her when i talk.

take it little by little. im sure you will gain confidence

Don't beat yourself up too bad about this. It's a common problem/issue for a lot of us.

Looking at your T and allowing yourself to be vulnerable can be hard. Perhaps your T has some type of activity/exercise that might help?

I understand very much what you are going through. I hope you find answers...hugs to you

i hardly ever look at my T in the eyes and don't feel much guilt about it i figure if it really is an issue, she'd bring it up.

I can't look at T's eyes either. Partly for all the popular reasons - shame/fear etc but also because my first months alive I was abandoned often. Propped up with a bottle rather than being held and soothed and missed those eye to eye moments.

Im so sorry. The bottle part breaks my heart. Im thinking good thoughts for you.

Thanks to all for the support. I know that I'm not alone with this problem but its nice to hear other voice.