Your T ever push buttons to get a reaction?

1. Yes, it is sometimes a T's duty to push your buttons.
2. A good T would not do it for fun, but in an honest attempt to find out what's really bothering you.
3. It's not a test. Getting angry is a legitimate response, and even walking out on your T is sometimes appropriate.

My T's have all pushed my buttons at times, not out of some evil pleasure, but to move me past something or towards something when I was stuck. I appreciate their efforts to get me moving. Staying stuck may be comfortable because there is no challenge in it--it is the status quo. I much prefer my T's to give me a kick in the seat of my pants if that is what is needed to get me to make some change and progress in my life. Is it fun? No, but then again, I don't define therapy as particularly "fun". It's d*mn hard work and I have been fortunate enough to have therapists who pushed my buttons when that is exactly what I needed. (I can't stand a therapist who *****-foots around me like I might break.)

Well I was told I am not talking enough, yet this happened 10 minutes before the end of the session. She wanted to see if I would get angry and I did.

If she planned on doing this it could have been done sooner, so that I wouldn't have felt a time crunch either.....

Guess we have lots to talk about on Friday coming.

maybe she wanted to see if you would get up and leave?

Yes well I put on my jacket and a crack was made about driving recklessly which happened 6 months ago which is why I am currently not driving. That she was pushing to see what I would do with my anger, which this time even though I left, I went and sat on a bench outside and smoked a cigarette to calm down.

She is assuming that when I get angry I will always be impulsive and make rash decisions.

I understand she needs to make sure I am stable enough with my anger before she sends the paperwork to the mot to get my license back, but provoking me right at the end of session wasn't going to help either.

I realize that I have sort of shut down the last weeks but telling to I need to talk more yet saying we are out of time just doesn't make sense.

This is a great question.

I don't know if my T has ever intentionally pushed buttons with me. She has certainly triggered me. I don't know if that was intentional on her part. I think maybe she pushed a little too hard.

My current T did push me to help me express my til then unfelt anger at something in my past, and the anger arose, but I wasn't angry at him. My previous T would do the same. However, those occurrences however distressing, weren't traumatizing as they released some emotions and moved me forward. I have had an occurrence where T pushed my buttons, I suspect with some goal in mind, but he didn't see that I was being traumatized in the process. I can say that I think/hope he had good intentions. Imo, one goal of therapy is to learn the felt difference between being scared and being scarred. Wolfie, I hope you can talk to your therapist about this, no matter what the outcome. Being pushed can be therapeutical although painful, but it can also erode built trust if one is not ready, leaving one scarred.

Yes.

I was struggling with the question of, "Who am I?". T was frustrated, I believe. So he said.. "Who are you?" then stared intently. I said, "I don't know."
Again.. "Who are you? Stares at me while I squirm.
This went on and on. "Who are you. Who are you. Who are you." He wouldn't stop and I kept getting more and more uncomfortable and pissed off. My answers changed though.. "I'm a woman." "I'm a wife." "I'm unique."

At the end (i was ready to throw something at him) he asked if i think other people struggle as much as I did when put through this exercise. I said No.

He then said he did this experiment during training, and everyone struggles with it. Everyone reacts the same way. We all are trying to figure out this fundamental question. "Who am I?" " What is my purpose?" "What gives me meaning?"

It put things in perspective. It's the journey of discovery, the growth along the way. Everyone is lost in their own way, and I'm not alone.

I'm glad he pushes me.

Can't say this ever happened. I'm sure there were times when he dearly wanted to. But it wouldn't have worked for me, and he knew that. Frankly, he had the patience of a saint.

Wow, Lonewolfie, I don't SEE anywhere in my post that I said that ANYONE was Borderline. You know why that is? Because I have been diagnosed as BPD and I know what that means. In fact, I've stopped posting on this portion of PC because of the number of people who DIRECTLYT talk about knowing or having knowledge of BPD and recognizing posters as having or exhibiting BPD traits. It makes me sad and angry because it is often to shame or guilt the person who is posting. That was NEVER my intention with my post. I'm sorry if you viewed my comment as being degrading to you. That was never my intent.

In one post stated I am borderline and you saying that people "tweek" there T's, to me was saying I am being manipulative. My apologies if I read it the wrong way figuratively and for real.

I have always been honest with my T about everything and I don't "tweek" her as you said. The word just rubbed me the wrong way and I am sorry, I have been overly sensitive on many things of late and should not have used caps or been rude.

Apology accepted, Lone Wolfie. Perhaps the word "Tweek" was a trigger for you. I know that I am also honest with my therapist but I also know that i soooo want her to see me in a good and kind. I don't want her to ever see the "ugly" in me. . .. and guess what, althought I'm a pretty awsome and productive person most times, I am also ugly sometimes. As much as I'd like to reject it, I have an ugly side! And you know what? People who do not have the BPD diagnosis have the same ugliness in their lives.

When I talk about "tweeking" my therapist I'm talking about myself trying to recreate or maintain something that I am familiar with. . . all of us love to be involved in something that we are "familiar" with. If something is familiar or common to us, we hang onto it or we try to recreate it. Think about how people set up their camps . .. they bring everything under the sun to make things "like home".

It's not so terrible or hard to believe that when we are wounded that we would seek out or try to recreate what is comfortable or familiar. This is normal, but sometimes we seek to recreate something that is familiar or normal to our ABNORMAL childhoods. I'm not saying that is the case for you. I'm just saying that is something some of use do.

I think the book that was an eye opener for me was the book titled, Relationhsip Management of the Borderline Patient by David Dawson. It helped me as someone with BPD to recognize how I communicate. It isn't a recent book, it was published in the 90's, and I didn't agree with everything he said. But I did SEE or hear how I communicated with the people I interacted with in on an intimate basis, my therapist included. The author was very good at pointing out how we present a subject and th I taught me a lot. Did it cure me? . .. No, I'm a work in progress. Good luck to you on your journey

LOLOL, FKM

I NEVER did anything to lead my xt to have the desire to push my buttons. Really.


My xT was a mortal human, and was patient many times with me over the years, and there were times he wasn't.

Okay, maybe I was challenging just a bit. Possibly?.

Wishing you lots of peace.

Thank you for this, Jaybird. I hate how people sometimes react to people they perceive as BPD. As someone formerly diagnosed as BPD, who can say after almost 5 years in therapy (in 3 separate "rounds" with 3 different T's), that I no longer have that diagnosis, but still very sensitive regarding it, I hate when others rush to a snap judgment.

Now that I have written the world's longest sentence, I shall go.

I think my t pushes me. Not necessarily "pushing my buttons", but pushes me when I don't want to talk about things. She finds many ways to address the issues, for which I am thankful because I would get nowhere if she didn't.

You made me giggle. Thanks I needed it.

Yes T1 did - more than once - and at the time I hated her for it; now, months or years later, I don't HATE her for it but i don't appreciate it either.

T2 has a much more, how shall I say, circumspect and respectful approach.
Which i am very grateful for.