My T is going on leave

My T is going away in January for 3 months. All I did out session today was cry. He is the only person I can share all my thoughts with.

How have other people managed when their T goes away?

Oh dear that is HARD. Will you be able to have any contact at all while your t is on leave? Even just email or an occassional phone call, anything??? Will there be a fill in T? (not nearly as good, i know....)

My t has been gone for an emergency for over a year. We talk on the phone, text, and skype whenever she is available. I can still send her emails. I keep a journal, do collages. I read a LOT to keep my mind busy. I try to come up with lots of creative projects to give me something to do. I go for a lot of walks. I read even more books and take a lot of naps. Sometimes i just cry a lot and miss her.

I'm so sorry. Three months is a long time. Is he setting up some kind of interim care for his patients?

It's like a mini-termination actually - survivable, but scary to think about.

You've got a little time to process his leaving before he goes though. Maybe you could set up some kind of mechansim to touch base during his absence.

I'm so so sorry. That's just awful.

For 3 months? That's real long. Has she/he a good reason for it?
I'd be upset but it'd depend on his reasons. Like if my T decided he wanted to travel- I'd be angry at him. If the reason was medical- I'd be worried about him...
I went for 3 months without therapy- my decision, traveled through extended summer vacation. I didn't miss him (it was in the beginnings of my therapy) but it sure was a bit awkward for few sessions when I return.

I think the first 3-4 weeks is the most difficult. If he has alternative care set up, think about taking it. It's very difficult to keep contact digitally. (not all T's are like Starry Night's)

You can post here, even do a weekly "session" type post about what you'd say in t if you had gone. We will support you in any way that we can.

My T was away for 9 weeks this summer when I'd just started seeing him - that's his normal summer holiday, apparently. I found it pretty tough going, actually, especially since I had no other emotional support in RL over the summer. Somebody on here gave me the advice to try to think in one-week chunks, focusing on the next time when I would have had an appointment, rather than on all the future missing appointments at once. I journalled a lot as well.

I'm sorry your T is going to be away so long. I hope he can arrange for some kind of support while he's gone.

I go see other ones. Or fill the time with things that are actually pleasant, unlike how I find therapy. When the one I see and I had a two month break, I often met with friends at the time I was usually at the appointment.

I'm sorry your t is going away for so long, that's so hard!! My t just moved to another state, we talked about our feelings re: ending our face-to-face relationship over three or four sessions before she left. That helped me a lot. I'm in the termination phase of therapy but it's STILL hard changing the dynamics like that! We're doing phone sessions now, in fact had our first one yesterday morning before I went to work (cuz she's in a different time zone now and everything!) I was a little worried that she would be "different" somehow over the phone but she wasn't.... same old wonderful her! I had been seeing her once a week but we're going to twice a month now that it's phone sessions. During the two weeks that just passed since our last face-to-face, I did a lot of writing, went to a show with friends, and posted stuff here. I hope you can talk with your t some more re: your feelings about his going away for 3 months before he leaves. Looking back now that my t has moved, it was really helpful for me that she allowed me those 3 or 4 sessions in person still to process through my feelings about her leaving with her. When she first told me she was moving, I spent the rest of that session saying at random moments the name of the state she moved to trying to wrap my mind around it. Talking with her about my feelings was the best thing.

I'm sry! My t is gone for 3 weeks (not nearly as long), it's only day 1, and I have no idea how people are managing! it's so tough. I'll be thinking of u!

I'm sorry they are going away for so long.
My T is having a baby in the Spring and so will be gone for 8 weeks. She has asked that we text/email during that time.
Can you set something like that up with your T?

I am sorry that you have to go through this. Is it vacation of something medical?

Honestly, I feel like it is irresponsible for Ts to go on extended (1 month+) pleasure vacations. Even in cultures where it is apparently the norm, I don't understand how it can be considered ethical or therapeutic.

Three months is truly a long time. That time-line triggers me b/c I constantly worry my T will become pregnant. Whatever reason T leaves for so long shouldn't concern us as cients, but it does anyway. I just saw my T after a monthlong break and I find it hard to believe T still exists, in real life and after all that anxiety!

I'm sorry you feel upset. Perhaps you can write your T an actual letter whenever you feel like talking to T. Seal them in envelopes, stack 'em up and take the bundle to your reunion. Your T could open them and read them and you could discuss. This helps pinpoint individual feelings for me, rather than the general "I MISS T!". This works for me.

Thank you all for your support.

In Australia after a person works for 10 years under one employer they are then owed 3 months of holiday leave, otherwise know as long service leave. He does work very hard. He is open to talking about how I am feeling.

While he is away another T is taking his place. He has suggested that I see her each week. I currently see him once a week. He said if it wasn't working out that I could cancel, but it would be best to set the appointments in place.

He said there would be sadness (got that), logic (got that) and anger (wonder where that is).

I have met this other T and I dont feel that comfortable with her. Its like she is the one that needs help and I need to hold back.

I cannot contact him while he is away.

I do go to a craft group and a mosaics group. I do try to keep myself busy. I will try to take it down to week by week.

MMMMMMhhhhhhhh. Welcome to the twilight zone.

Such a long time to be missing someone! I don't know how I could cope with that and I'm sorry this is happening for you. My T has always offered a back up T but I never thought I could talk to anyone else. However, I think I'm in a place now where I could. The back up T has always been the same person, so I think it would be someone I might be able to talk to.

Can you talk to your T about this before he goes on leave? Maybe there is someone else, or he might have suggestions, or could the 3 of you meet once or twice.

I can't agree with that, I'm afraid - one longish hiatus is probably better than repeated shorter ones, wouldn't you think? And ethics doesn't really enter into it from my perspective. Whether it's therapeutic is another matter.

It does sound rough, possum220. I hope your T can arrange with some other T if you are uncomfortable with this one. That's not an unreasonable thing to ask of your T.

No, I can't see several 1 or 2 week breaks spread throughout a year or two as worse than a single 12 week break. This isn't some office job, although it's incredibly rare for that to happen in an office situation too. This is a job that is predicated on the human element of person to person interaction and relationship building.

Maybe this is just a culture thing? (You're from Sweden, right? Europe).

I could not imagine my T going on such a break, and I couldn't imagine myself taking such a break if I were a T.

They're people just like us though. Of course it's hard for clients to cope with a break like that, and I do empathise, but if the therapist gives the client notice and time to prepare, then I'd imagine it's surely an acceptable thing to do in any country? After all they can move away altogether, and although that might not feel therapeutic or fair to current clients, it's their right to live their life as they choose.

I'd struggle with three months and I think I'd try to make use of other support during that time, even if that support wasn't great, I think I'd still give it a go.

It's absolutely their right. I'm not suggesting there be any new laws about this sort of thing. I still, however, think it is irresponsible. It is their risk to take. I'd imagine they would lose many clients. Maybe this is just me. Idk. I know no one who has taken extended vacations of this category from their job even if they had the leave to do so.

I actually don't think it would be acceptable in America, depending on your definition of acceptable. If you told people you were taking 3 months off for vacation, a lot of them would give you strange looks. It would seem unfathomable to them. They would ask questions. Many would be jealous because it is just not something that is done outside of medical reasons.

Ouch! That's a while to manage without a Therapist. Because it's for so long, if it were me I would arrange to see an interim therapist or go to a group. Maybe your therapist can refer you to a colleague willing to fill in (not all would) but worth a try. What about all the other patients? I have to assume that when my T goes on his extended world travels, he must have patients in more acute need than me and must do something for them.

My T is leaving the end of the month and I will probably miss 4-5 sessions. That is too long for me to manage. I'm fortunate he has a colleage in his office who I saw during his last vacation. It helped me greatly to have someone to talk to on the same schedule as before each week. I'm going to ask for this again.

I also see a PDOC periodically, sometimes I schedule a session with him during the absence as he does therapy with me as well as meds.

And, I'm thinking of doing some trauma work that I'm not currently doing with my therapist.
I have done sacral cranial release in the past. A type of yoga/trauma therapy. I met once with a psychotherapist who does hypnotism and other trauma work. I might see him a couple of times to target this specifically.

Nothing can replace my beloved Therapist, but these things help me get by. He also keeps in touch with me via email occassionally no matter where in the world he may be. I wish he would just keep his butt in his seat!!! But, the traveling is important to him to keep him from burning out and I respect that.

I hope you find some ways to fill the void.

He has got some-one lined up to look after all his patients.

He said there would be sadness (got that), logic (got that) and anger (wonder where that is).

Well the anger raised its ugly head, last night even though I know he deserves a break logically. The anger is huge and kinda aimed at the whole world. Totally irrational.

I wish I could just stuff the anger into a box and ignore it and be kind and gracious to all, but I am feeling things and want to swear so much. I am so glad I live on my own because I know I would hurt any-one near me. I am just like some huge pimple wanting to burst. I just want to tell him to go away now.

Yes, there's a culture difference here I guess... I would feel quite uncomfortable if my T did not have even a 4-week holiday in the summer, since that's mandated by law (the minimum annual holiday is 5 weeks, though most people start getting additional vacation days as they get older) ; you have the right, by law, to take four consecutive weeks unless there is some extraordinary reason. When I said "several shorter holidays" I meant vacations of at least three weeks. (As you know there is no such thing as a European culture, but this has been the norm in Sweden for at least 30 years.) A therapist is not supposed to model unhealthy behaviour for their clients, right? Well, given the local cultural norm it would be very unhealthy for them to take only one or two weeks at a stretch. This is not a universal truth of course, but nor is it a universal truth that a T should not be away for more than two weeks, just because that happens to be the norm in some countries.

I don't mean to derail the thread and as I've said I know how hard this is. But adding some kind of dimension of the T being unreasonable or this being unimaginable behaviour in Australia surely won't make it easier. It may feel unreasonable. It did for me when my T took nine weeks off. But knowing without having to reflect that it was a completely normal and reasonable vacation was a help.

I know in my church denomination, pastors can go on sabbatical for periods of several months (3-6 generally) for self care, further education, etc. The church recognizes the need of people in their helping profession to take time on occasion to "regroup" in order to continue working effectively in the long-run.

I would think therapists might need such a sabbatical every now and then for the same reason. I think a longer break is a smart idea. It is easy, as patients/clients to make it all about us and expect they should always put us first, but if they don't take care of themselves, they won't be able to continue to care for us long-term. They aren't machines; they are human and can reach a point where they just have to take a break. Thus, the burn-out associated with many helping professions.