"What If" question

What if you're therapist had the power to touch you and suddenly know everything about you?Would you allow the touch to take place?
Does the thought of it make you recoil?
Does it make you want to run into your therapist arms?

That would give the therapist a lot of power.

What if you could touch your therapist and suddenly know everything about your therapist? Would you touch your therapist?
Would you be afraid to find out that your therapist is completely unqualified?
Would your therapist recoil?

I believe the therapeutic setting is designed to be a safe surrgate environment where the suspension of disbelief can take place. Suspension of disbelief of what though?

That there is no one that is trustworthy. Trust is a 1 way street in therapy or 1 way touch. the truth is every time we speak to a therapist we allow them to touch us. We allow them to know us.
Who are we trusting more? The therapist or ourselves?

If the patient finds out that the therapist is un trustworthy in any way, it will reinforce the idea that no 1 is trustworthy, which reinforces the excuse not to trust.

These are only my observations and are only personal to me.

I see the therapist patient relationship the same way I see the god man relationship and even The parent child relationship.
The patient trust the therapist.
Man puts his trust in God.
The Child Trust their parents.

Why?

Because the struggles are similar.
We grow in trust. ( therapist parent God)
We begin trusting ourselves and realizing it.
We become responsible to that trust in self and develop autonomy.
Most of my struggles in therapy are compounded by the fact that it was not voluntary. establishing trust is near impossible.
I don't like the power differential.

To answer my initial question...
I would never allow a therapist to touch me and suddenly know everything about me, any more than I would allow a parent or God to touch me and know me.

A therapist is nothing more than a foster parent or God by proxy like a priest.
Those roles in life require trustworthiness.

Think about how much power a parent, God or a therapist has simply by knowing us.
That power is best demonstrated by way of restraint.
If I feel threatened with a touch that doesn't have my consent, I don't care if your a foster parent, God or a therapist...
My rule is...
If you get to touch me I get to touch you.

GB

Just the thought of that makes me want to scream, so my answer would be NO, I would not touch in that case.

No i wouldn't want to know my T fully or T to know me fully. I think it's important to keep part of yourself back, just for you. Never give away all of yourself.

Also if my T tells me something about herself, then it is special to me cos she chose to trust me with it, and i wouldn't get that with "one powerful touch and i know everything".

I get what you mean about information being power. What would it be like to give all your power away with one touch? What would it be like to receive that much of someone's power in just one touch? These are interesting fantasies to ponder.

The one where I would give away my power, my total information. I could imagine doing this, or wanting to do this, as a way to continue to be less defended in the world. There was a point when I realized that in work-related matters (I work as a lawyer) where things are highly polarized often, I found that I was dropping my defenses and sort of going into "battle" with the other person's "weapon" pointed at me, but I just continued to talk and explain and try to empathize with the other side. It made the work so much less stressful, and actually more successful.

So what appeals to me about giving my information all away is that maybe there would be a parallel here, that by my T knowing all the crap about me that I really don't want anyone else to know about, there would be a sense of freedom and a sense of lightness that comes from dropping my defenses. And that once someone knows the things about you that you don't want them to know, someone I trust, then I wouldn't ever worry about these things that I hide in my shameful secrecy being used against me.

i don't mind the idea of T knowing everything about me. i wouldnt want to know everything about her though, as i think id limit what i said to her in case it disagreed with her thinking etc.

[quote=nothingtolivefor;2755234]What if you're therapist had the power to touch you and suddenly know everything about you?Would you allow the touch to take place?
does the thought of it make you recoil?
Does it make you want to run into your therapist arms?

That would give the therapist a lot of power.

What if you could touch your therapist and suddenly know everything about your therapist? Would you touch your therapist?
Would you be afraid to find out that your therapist is completely unqualified?
Would your therapist recoil?

================================================

If T had the power to know everything about me by touching me then the answer is NO. I would not allow him to touch me.

However, I would want to touch my T and know everything about him. I am interested in people and their lives. The past tells us a lot about who we are today. I feel like I could handle hearing his life, whatever it was, because of my own life experiences. Not sure about the other way around.

Ideally, I think it is better to gradually learn about someone rather than have instant knowledge about everything. I think knowing things too soon can be overwhelming and lead to misunderstandings.

I have trust issues with my T myself and often wonder if I've said too much. Not sure if there's an answer here, except that my reason for telling him things is to hopefully improve my life. I've been in a bad state for some time and nothing that I've done on my own has helped thus far. I need to take a chance with someone. I think that's all it is. I'm taking a chance he is trustworthy. If he's not, I will be truly devastated and like you, I would not trust another one again.

But what if he is trustworthy and can help? If you don't take the chance, what are you going to do to help yourself?

Would I trust myself with knowing someone elses self? Maybe this why it takes time to get to know someone.
I would insist on trusting and knowing myself first before ever attempting to hide the twinkle in my eye at know someone else so intimately.
I just described relationships in general ,I think.

Wow there is a lot there. A lot to think about!! Hmm thinking about it - I would not want my T to touch me and suddenly know everything about me, but not because I don't want her to know. I don't hold anything back from her and she knows me better than anyone else on the planet my H being 2nd. I wouldn't want her to be able to know everything suddenly and with one touch, because a big part of my progress in therapy has been the gradual TELLING of these things, and I would not have experienced the healing I've had if I had not been able to go through the process of learning to trust and actually speak the things I've told her over time.

I wouldn't want to be able to know everything about her suddenly either. My first instinct was to say yes I would want to but upon reflection, I think no, I like it better the way it is.... sometimes the unequal balance of power thing bugs the he!! out of me, but then I realize that's the way it has to be. She shares tidbits of herself now and then and I appreciate her trusting me with them. But to know everything? No. then she couldn't be my t anymore because it wouldn't work if I suddenly had to worry about how something I said would affect her, etc.

this is a great post, thank you for making me think!

I would really love to know what the therapist think of these questions. I know I'm gonna ask mine.

I would say no on both t touching me and me touching t.
Part of my therapy is learning to trust other people in a healthy way. That means learning how to disclose to t in a controlled manner and allowing t to share what she feels is necessary to my therapy.

Wow there is a lot there. A lot to think about!! Hmm thinking about it - I would not want my T to touch me and suddenly know everything about me, but not because I don't want her to know. I don't hold anything back from her and she knows me better than anyone else on the planet my H being 2nd. I wouldn't want her to be able to know everything suddenly and with one touch, because a big part of my progress in therapy has been the gradual TELLING of these things, and I would not have experienced the healing I've had if I had not been able to go through the process of learning to trust and actually speak the things I've told her over time.

I wouldn't want to be able to know everything about her suddenly either. My first instinct was to say yes I would want to but upon reflection, I think no, I like it better the way it is.... sometimes the unequal balance of power thing bugs the he!! out of me, but then I realize that's the way it has to be. She shares tidbits of herself now and then and I appreciate her trusting me with them. But to know everything? No. then she couldn't be my t anymore because it wouldn't work if I suddenly had to worry about how something I said would affect her, etc.

this is a great post, thank you for making me think!

I would allow her to touch me providing it's no more contact than a handshake. I can leave after and T promises not to get upset or scared. I prefer not to know a lot about her life. I have always had a lot of trust in myself. My T is there for extra accountability.

I wouldn't want anyone to know everything about me. My therapist included. I want her to know the ins and outs of my personality, and yeah, it would be wonderful if she had a good understanding of my brain. But she doesn't need to know about the time I cheated on my spelling test in the 2nd grade. If I thought she had that level of clarity about me, I would be horrified.

I am also fine with my therapist telling me what she wants to tell me about herself. The other day she said I could ask her anything except for how frequently she has sex with her husband (). Just her saying that was TMI. So I'm not really starved for information about my therapist!

That kind of comment brings out the total smart @ss in me, as I imagine all the questions I could ask that would not be about the *frequency* of sex.

But on the larger issue, I don't have any desire either to know much about my T. He discloses a lot in session anyway, maybe as prevention

It depends. Would the therapist know everthing about you (like your feelings and perceptions of events? or just the things you have gone through?) I often hav wished that she could just see how hurtful something was, or just know how afraid I am. It doesn't make me recoil. It intrigues me. I dont know if I would do it, but I would certainly consider it. Maybe if I could choose the events that I want her to know all about, then I would do it?

I would not want to know everthing about my t. There are things that I wish I knew, such as her true feelings about me, but I dont want to know all about her personal life.

i would only allow the T to touch me and know everything if that T is truly nonjudgmental . i don't believe that is possible at all.so i guess no that touch would never happen.

no i would not want to know anything about my T. knowledge is a dangerous thing

I guess I'd say "no" only because it seems to me that to say "yes" is a return to child-like magical thinking and dis-empowerment and that would be a step backward to me.

The choices made in what to reveal, the recognition of my responsibility in making that choice, and the acceptance of the consequences of that choice are all important to me. That decision making process is empowering. "Instant" knowledge is the illusion of power.

The result of this process is what empowers me to be ready to experience reciprocal knowledge. The post-therapy connection with my T is only possible because of the prior empowerment. Otherwise, the power differential would make this dysfunctional.

Yes. What a boon that would be!

No. Not at all. I want them neither touching me nor knowing all about me. And I don't really have the urge to know anything about them either.

I wouldn't want anyone to know everything about me, nor would I want to know everything about anyone else. I might want to know some things, and I might let someone else know some things, but not everything. But I wouldn't judge anyone else on having a different opinion or for feeling differently, to each his own.

I guess another way to look at it would be if we could be known as well as we know ourselves and have that be okay would we want to be known as well as we know ourselves?

Nope, no touchee either way for me.

Regarding the whole trustworthy thing. It's very strange, but one thing that therapy taught me is that no one is ever absolutely trustworthy. Ironic isn't it?

But I don't think they are. Once you put another human into the equation, there are going to invariably be hurts, diappointments, betrayals, etc... There is no one perfect trust.

The key, I think, is learning to cope and absorb those disappointments and loving anyway. That's what large parts of my therapy have been about - knowing that the imperfect human is good.

I would be ecstatic to have another person know me as well as I know myself. I'm so tired of talking talking talking trying to convey to my T (and others) who I am and what goes on in my head and what my crappy past has been like and why I think and feel as I do and the rest, it would be beyond fantastic to be truly understood.

The only thing I'm not so sure about is the touch aspect. If it were something like a Vulcan mind meld, yeah I'd go for it . But being known and understood via bog standard human touch, hmmmmmmm...

Torn

I would not allow that touch to occur. I like the idea that the T has a fresh perspective on me and my troubles based on how I percieved them and what I tell T. Truth be told, there are things I don't even allow myself to full realize about me. So the idea that T could know even those things is scary.

You are boldly courageous Torn. I like that.