Standing up for myself

I finally decided to take action against my former T who I got into a relationship with. I know I have responsibility for the relationship happening, however I also know that he took advantage of me. I trusted him and I looked to him for guidance and help. He caught me at my most vulnerable and used that to get into my pants. I have saved every text and email and sordid pic. I believe he will do this again to another woman if he hasn't already. I have let myself be fooled into thinking that he loved me and I loved him, but that was never the case. I'm finally healing now and taking care of myself.

~Shady

Yeah taking action might be a good idea, as far as I know therapists are not supposed to get into relationships with the people they are giving therapy to. So technically it was his responsibility not to allow for that to happen... even if you really did initiate it, than it was still their responsibility to refuse. That sounds like a terrible experience but its good your healing and taking care of yourself now.

I would CERTAINLY report him to the board of licensing in whatever state you live in. He WILL do this to another woman, at the first chance he gets. I was molested by a therapist once (no relationship involved) and this is someone you go to for HELP -- you trust them, and they take advantage of your helplessness. At least that's how it was with me -- I was extremely sick at the time, and basically "out of my head."

He should be reported for this before he ruins anyone else's life. He's in a position of TRUST -- and he's broken that. He shouldn't be practicing anymore. You have the ability to see to it that he never does this again!

God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

He totally pursued me. Contacted me the same day my ex husband asked for a divorce. Told me how he always loved me and thought my ex was no good for me.

So many people who gain powerful and authoritative positions let the power go to their heads, and then they do something stupid that can take their power away. I agree, you should sue the pants off this guy!

I'm not going to sue him, just going to make damn sure he can't be a therapist anymore.

Why not sue if you can? Have an attorney look at the case and determine if it is actionable. There is nothing wrong in pursuing your rights in court. You did not do anything bad, you were taken advantage of, and you have your right to restitution - simply.

Abuse of power is frightening. Predators should never be trusted and what's a therapist without trust? Make sure this jerk loses his job and his license.

Hi, I venture to say that he's probably done it many times, to others. Very sick. I would definitely contact a attorney if you want to. I'm glad you are healing from this.

Hi Shady,
I reported my therapist 5 months ago to the board and have since filed suit. If you have any questions or need support let me know. Reporting is the right thing to do. I choose to file suit after I was not given the opportunity to confront former therapist. Remember most of these individuals are narcissistic and think they have done nothing wrong, they need to be stopped for everyone's safety!

This is his latest message to me via facebook. We're not friends on there, but somehow he was able to message me...

So, I was just informed that you have been talking with (his wife). We are in the middle of a divorce... and now, it has gotten even nastier. Please tell me you didn't betray me by sharing information and pictures with her! (my name), .... please let me know... Be honest. Love you, (His name)

Wow. Definitely time to report him. Check your settings on facebook. I think you can change it so ONLY the people on your friends list can send you private messages

This guy is unbelieveable. He sounds very manipulative, asking you not to "betray" him and that he "loves you." All of it is BS and I'm glad that you see him for what he is. I'm so glad that you are reporting him. And also for seeking treatment as well.

Turn him into the state board. Immediately. He had no right to take advantage of you. You bear no responsibility in this. A professional T would never never never take advantage of a client in that way.

I'm glad you feel strong enough to fight back. I'm glad you have evidence. It will make it easier to protect other women with concrete proof of his behaviors.

Hugs and Love

My reply to his message:

Betray you? Is that even possible? How long has it been that you've been going through a divorce? Since 2008 as far as I recall. And love me? no you don't know what love is. You need help.

The response I sent later:

If you want honest, here it is. You are a very sick person. The crap that happened in your childhood has had a huge impact on who you are and how you function. You would rather use sex to feel pleasure than face the pain of whatever it is you need to deal with. I allowed myself to get wrapped into the illusion of escape and the promise of a future that never existed because it was never uttered in reality.

What I loved was the feeling of acceptance. The idea that I was lovable by somebody that I long admired. I loved that somebody felt I was worth standing up for, worth listening to.

I was very sick for a very long time. I finally got off all the meds. I don't need to alter my reality no matter how painful that is. If I check out of reality, deny what I've been through or how that has affected me, then I am no better than those who hurt me. I have done a disservice to myself for far too long and I can no longer be a passive non-participant in life.

I do care for you, always have. I want the best for you. You are not a bad person, you are sick. You need to address whatever it is that you have been running from for so long.

I have to take care of myself and I am truly sorry if that hurts you. I have to protect my heart no matter how much I want to help you and love you and be there for you, there are things that only I can do for me.

The old saying "to have Joy you put Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself last". That's total bullsht. If you put yourself after everybody and everything else then there is nobody to take care of what only you can. Nobody else is going to feed you, clothe you, bathe you.

I did not share any texts/emails/pics with (your wife). I do have them all, but that was between you and me. You need to first make things right with yourself, then with God, then with those you hurt. I hope you rise to be the good man that you are capable of being.

~ I felt compelled to send this given his history of suicidality. I do care for his well-being. I know that he had a very rough childhood, lost his sister in a car accident and was molested by several baby sitters. He's always claimed it wasn't molestation because his body responded. I don't believe that to be true. Bodies respond to physical stimulation, but like me, he has found it easier to deal with by trying to believe that he wanted/deserved it. But just like me, nobody deserves/wants it. I do not feel responsible should he take his own life. He is a grown adult and has made his own choices. And even if I do have the right to sue it is not the right thing for me to do.

Please don't respond to or contact him again. Block him from your Facebook. It could complicate any complaint or action you take against him. He's not your responsibility--that's a consequence of his manipulation of you. Good luck.

I would advise against responding especially if you're considering legal action. All it will do is draw you into an unhealthy dynamic with this guy and lead to your own involvment being questioned by the authorities. It would be much better for you to block him and concentrate on keeping your distance. If he tries to make further contact simply record what he writes/does for legal purposes, otherwise ignore it. It really won't help matters in the long term to respond to him, it will merely feed him and make him worse.

I think I would have not responded, just to leave him wondering. (Although of course he already knew and was just trying to intimidate you/make you feel guilty)

My first thought was the same as yours: "Betray" him?! He doesn't know what the word means. He sounds devoid of conscious. Unwell. I hope you will not feel like you have to have any more contact with him.