.... She would have changed and we would be together forever in bliss.

Then I said too T "but no that's not possible. To be just 2 people together forever in total bliss because that doesn't allow for those times when we need to be able to dislike someone".

T said "no but your talking about very young feelings of merger, and that's what you never had".

I nodded and said "yes, that's what I'm missing".

Helps to have words for our losses. We can begin to feed that hunger spot ourselves when we know where it is.

Grieving what we missed out on is so hard...

Ready, it is. It's one of the bravest things we can ever do I believe

[elliemay]

Meanwhile, the mum walks about finding comfort in knowing "she did the best she could"....

Originally Posted by elliemay

Meanwhile, the mum walks about finding comfort in knowing "she did the best she could"....

I personally dont care about her comfort....my exsistence and refusal to acknowledge her should make it uncomfortable. I like to see it that way. Why should she be comforted?

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

I personally dont care about her comfort....my exsistence and refusal to acknowledge her should make it uncomfortable. I like to see it that way. Why should she be comforted?

Because it's not a zero-sum game. Her being comforted doesn't diminish your worth, nor increase your pain.

This has nothing to do with your right to your feelings. Nor does it necessarily have anything to do with forgiveness, or even acknowledgement.

But feeling satisfaction in her discomfort does keep you tied emotionally to the struggle and distracts from healing, I think.

I'm not one who believes in the necessity of forgiveness, perhaps because I'm not religious. But I did have to reach the point of acceptance in order to divest from the emotional power that was holding me hostage long after there was active abuse.

Originally Posted by elliemay

Meanwhile, the mum walks about finding comfort in knowing "she did the best she could"....

She didn't. She went to court because of injuries she inflicted on 2 of my siblings.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

I personally dont care about her comfort....my exsistence and refusal to acknowledge her should make it uncomfortable. I like to see it that way. Why should she be comforted?

Lola it's very difficult and not helped by those making statements that don't know all the facts. But I think many find it difficult to accept for their own resons that mothers can harm that which we want to belief they should protect.

I understand your feelings. I'm sorry you are in a position where this was brought about.

(((earthmamma))) ...

I know from personal experience that nothing leaves a human being so bereft as the wounds inflicted by a mother.

It's bad enough if they simply aren't capable of being loving, nurturing, and/or emotionally available, but when acts of violence and abuse are also commited by a mother against her own child, it's almost too much to overcome.

I wish you the best in your healing process.

,
Pfrog!

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

I personally dont care about her comfort....my exsistence and refusal to acknowledge her should make it uncomfortable. I like to see it that way. Why should she be comforted?

There is no reason she should. We get to feel this way. We have a right to be angry. I certainly claim it.