[WhiteClouds]

Hello!,
Last week a thread was started about a wonderful Christmas gift someone had purchased for their T. This weekend I found the perfect gift for my T & his secretary. I purchased calenders ($1 at Micheal's & Coffee mugs $1 at Micheal's) I will fill them with various green teas and black teas. Thoughtful gift under $5 each. Thought I would share.

[mazing]

That's a great idea I'm sure they will love them.

[WhiteClouds]

Update. Well I gave my T & his Secretary gifts yesterday. He & I went throught this awkward dance of what's right or not in regard to opening the gift.
I didn't realize he preferred to open it after I left. Nonetheless, I told him if he didn't it was rude. He loved the calender most of all. He turned at beet red, and kept smiling. I explained to him that hopefully it will serve as a reminder to take a break sometimes. He really paid no never mind to the coffee mug & the teas.
I hope you guys find a way to express your gratitude to your T & Pdoc this holiday season. Many Blessings.

Belle

[BashfulBear]

I'm so glad it went well, WhiteClouds!
I know that 'dance' well, although not necessarily in relation to T. Do I give the card and gift at the end as we're parting ways (and then bolt instantly ), or give it near the beginning of the meeting and witness the opening and discuss it? Tricky stuff, hey? I'm not sure there's always a 'correct' way to go about it.
I would have been presenting my T with her gift tomorrow, but I now have another week to wait... eek!

[WhiteClouds]

Hi BB,
Another week?? Oh no. Maybe you can drop it off some time today or tomorrow. Then SHE would have time to mull over it. Instead of you waiting a week. LOL Gosh this dance of the T's is a headache sometimes. How have you been BB??

[BashfulBear]

Haha! Shame my T and I are 90 minutes apart... that and the fact that she won't be in her office until I see her next. Still, nice idea! I'm actually wearing her gift at the moment - I figured it might help me feel connected - naughty bear!

Lately I'm not sure how I'll feel from one minute to the next, but I'm muddling through for now - thanks for asking! How about yourself?

[WhiteClouds]

All is well BB. Trying really hard to not be all "googly eyed" about my T.. Gosh I wish this man look like a cyclop. LMBO. Lately, my moods are all over the palce. I'm sad, happy, flirty, whiny, lonely, crappy, blah, blah, blah. I'm supposed to see him again next Wednesday. He always asks, "When do you want to do this again?" And I always respond, "I don't know". LMBO. Then he make an appointment for the next week as usual..
Yesterday didn't help he blushed while opening the gift. It made me feel like I can not wait till the next appt.. smh Lord, I think I'm past pathetic sometimes.
Naughty Belle Confession: his secretary called today to say she will not be in when I have my next appt. I thought, great I get him all to myself. Bahahaha. Knowing dern well I won't do anything but fold like a little school girl the moment I see him.. Told you I'm pathetic.

I know the gift is going to be a HIT. Too adorable BB. I'm so excited for you!

[BashfulBear]

I'm sorry you don't seem to know whether you're coming or going either - it's no fun, I know, and can be pretty scary at times.

Your T works on Boxing Day?! Wow! Does that mean you don't have to have a break over the holidays?

I know you may feel that way but you're not pathetic, WC, not at all. I always find that people (that I otherwise probably wouldn't find physically attractive) become infinitely more attractive when I've known them for a while and they're kind, gentle, compassionate, etc. All the things that are present in the T-client relationship. Thus it's only natural to really like your T, and it isn't a surprise people end up getting crushes. The relationship tends to embody the 'perfect' relationship (minus the odd rupture that may occur). It's nothing to be ashamed of - I know that's easier said than done - you just have to watch it doesn't get out of hand.

Thanks for the kind words about the gift - I hope T feels the same way and it isn't awkward!

[Shiny Things]

Hi Whiteclouds. Just curious, please don't think I'm being nosey, why did your T blush? In your opinion what did he "see" in the calendar. I think you saying about him taking time is very thoughtful. My T not only ate the xmas cookie I made, but said how good it was. I too love my T.

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by Shiny Things

Hi Whiteclouds. Just curious, please don't think I'm being nosey, why did your T blush? In your opinion what did he "see" in the calendar. I think you saying about him taking time is very thoughtful. My T not only ate the xmas cookie I made, but said how good it was. I too love my T.

Hi Shiny,
It is no problem. You're not prying. I don't know why he blushed. I presumed that the gesture made him blush. I don't know. However, seeing his entire face beet red, kinda gave it away. The calendar wasn't racy or anything. It was a scenic calendar from around the country. I scratched the idea of having a calendar made of me in all of my evening gowns. (just kidding) I don't know. I think I made him feel pretty awkward and uncomfortable. I don't know. Lately, I second guess, question anything & everything I do.
Yes, having a good T is a very special thing. What kind of cookies did you make?

[Shiny Things]

Evening gown calendar might be a bit much! I think Glamour Shots (remember those?) in a different look for each month would have been funny. I made normal sugar cookies. But I made a big deal out of it by asking ahead of time if it was OK for me to give something. I got the whole it's ok if a client gives something with nominal value, but ethics blah blah blah. I just said it's something I cooked and dropped the subject, quick. Eek, I wasn't gonna get you a car or anything...

I've been in therapy 2 and a half years.
Once a week appointments.
45 minutes each.
$120.00 per session.

Based on a 60 min hour, my T has worked 97.5 hours which is roughly 2 1/2 weeks at 8 hours a day, Earning a grand total of $11,700.

With that said...

I got her a scarf and a box of chocolates.
She was happy and excited.

I secretly enjoyed how she responded.

I must be crazy.

Merry Christmas to all the therapists out there.

[WhiteClouds]

Ohhh how lovely Nothingtolivefor. Nice gift. Yeah I enjoyed the response also. I think me seeing his response fed the "transference monster". LMBO

Shiny, I remember those cheesy pics. Make women feel like they can go to Hollywood. Anyone else notice they always gave everyone BIG HAIR in those pictures?? LOL On Ellen she show old Glamour Shots of people. Hilarious. I showed him my Twitter page once & the doll that was manufactured in my likeness. He liked it.

BTW. Off subject question: Does your T fish for compliments sometimes? I notice mine kinda sorta fish for compliments.

[~EnlightenMe~]

I feel like the Grinch. I didn't give my T anything, nor other people I should have thought about. I couldn't handle giving him something, I would have felt mortified it he said he couldn't take it. For some reason, irl, I hate watching someone open a gift that I gave them. What's that all about? IDK. I would turn red like your T did, I guess it is shame? I don't know why, though.

Glamour shots, lol. lolol

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by Antimatter

I feel like the Grinch. I didn't give my T anything, nor other people I should have thought about. I couldn't handle giving him something, I would have felt mortified it he said he couldn't take it. For some reason, irl, I hate watching someone open a gift that I gave them. What's that all about? IDK. I would turn red like your T did, I guess it is shame? I don't know why, though.

Glamour shots, lol. lolol

It was a little strange watching him. He kept asking what was the proper etiquette. Do he supposed to open it in front of me or later. I told him he was supposed to open it in front of me. He opened it and had the biggest smile. He explained how he love traveling & had been to one of the locations on the calendar. Then he joked, "Let's run away to the one for February". Of course we laughed. Ha ha good one. *eyeroll* I guess after I told him about my transference monster he wished he had'nt told that joke. LMBO

What if your T would've taken it? What if he would've been thrilled beyond words for the gift? You never know. You sound like you're so humble and not wanting to watch someone open a gift in front of you. People appreciate gifts from humble, modest people more.

[WhiteClouds]

BTW Antimatter why didn't you feel like exchanging gifts this year? Sorry to be nosy.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by WhiteClouds

BTW Antimatter why didn't you feel like exchanging gifts this year? Sorry to be nosy.

You can be nosy I struggle to make it through daily, and going out shopping for gifts is overwhelming to think about. I did feel really bad, though. I work at a new place and didn't realize that people exchanged gifts, at my last place people didn't. I guess I will know next year. I have been depressed, too. I have a Christmas tree with lights but no ornaments. I was in the store today for a bit and I saw the ornaments, and I was sad because I remember times before when I wanted my tree to look good and when I liked buying them, but even remembering that didn't bring back the emotion. It is like it doesn't matter to me, and that is sad. Thanks for asking.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by WhiteClouds

It was a little strange watching him. He kept asking what was the proper etiquette. Do he supposed to open it in front of me or later. I told him he was supposed to open it in front of me. He opened it and had the biggest smile. He explained how he love traveling & had been to one of the locations on the calendar. Then he joked, "Let's run away to the one for February". Of course we laughed. Ha ha good one. *eyeroll* I guess after I told him about my transference monster he wished he had'nt told that joke. LMBO

What if your T would've taken it? What if he would've been thrilled beyond words for the gift? You never know. You sound like you're so humble and not wanting to watch someone open a gift in front of you. People appreciate gifts from humble, modest people more.

I am glad you have a good sense of humor It will take you far I have talked ad nauseum about transference, and all I know about me is that there is some part of me that wants someone to take care of me, to help me with my emotions. This didn't happen when I was young, so it now interplays in all of my relationships. It is the reason why I intellectually understand why another adult can't act as my parent, while I concurrently have a part of me that, it seems, will accept nothing else but someone helping me with my emotions, holding them, etc. It is maddening because I have one foot in this world and one in another. I think one goal of mine is to stand in the spaces in between instead of fully feeling one or the other. Just my two cents.

About the gift, I can't even think about it, it makes me SO, SO uncomfortable. I don't think it's humbleness, but I don't know what it is. It is some deranged dynamic of mine, but I don't know which one I wouldn't be able to focus on anyone else because I would be too busy hiding my shame (? I don't understand). I do know that the last thing that I want is someone watching me open a present and watching for my emotional response. Ugh, Ugh, Ugh. I know someone who, if this person is, say, watching a movie and he finds a part funny. He will sit and stare at me to see my reaction, and if I don't laugh, will tell me that something is wrong with me, that I am not who I was, just because I don't laugh at something stupid. I, myself, watch people's nonverbal language, to determine if there is a threat looming on the horizon. But I don't examine people's reactions when they are opening a present, when they are watching a movie, or whatever, and then find something wrong with them when I don't feel the same. Ugh. This is hitting too close to home. I should receive patient of the year for the amount of insights I have made lately. Just make sure nobody sends me gifts, lol. This is all so absurd. thanks for your questions and post. I hope I answered your questionI figured out a few of my own questions.

(Note: I don't think it is wrong to be happy that someone likes what you gave them - I think that is a normal response. I just walked through a trigger of my own, I am aware of the not so great place where it is coming from, it is uncomfortable, and this is why I feel the way I feel. Thanks for helping me work through this, White. I appreciate you.)

[WhiteClouds]

You're welcome Antimatter. Be encouraged knowing processing and insight is a therapist favorite gift.

Originally Posted by Antimatter

You can be nosy I struggle to make it through daily, and going out shopping for gifts is overwhelming to think about. I did feel really bad, though. I work at a new place and didn't realize that people exchanged gifts, at my last place people didn't. I guess I will know next year. I have been depressed, too. I have a Christmas tree with lights but no ornaments. I was in the store today for a bit and I saw the ornaments, and I was sad because I remember times before when I wanted my tree to look good and when I liked buying them, but even remembering that didn't bring back the emotion. It is like it doesn't matter to me, and that is sad. Thanks for asking.

If I knew you irl I wouldn't be able to resist buying you a gift.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by WhiteClouds

You're welcome Antimatter. Be encouraged knowing processing and insight is a therapist favorite gift.

Lol..........

[~EnlightenMe~]

Lolol. Thanks you all forbrightening my day!!!!

[confusedone7654]

I feel so bad now, i didn't even give my c a card! I thought about it but was scared he would say he couldn't accept it. He has said before that we are not friends, it's a therapeutic relationship and I would have felt so embarrassed if he had refused it. I hope he isn't offended now because I didn't give him anything.

[dizgirl2011]

I gave my T a card and gift that cost less than £10. Her face said it all- 'oh no, I wish you hadn't, I dont want to accept a gift but have to, thanks'. So it felt pretty crap.

[likelife]

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

I gave my T a card and gift that cost less than £10. Her face said it all- 'oh no, I wish you hadn't, I dont want to accept a gift but have to, thanks'. So it felt pretty crap.

Ouch, ouch, ouch! I'm sorry, dg, that sounds awful