Crying in therapy?

My T has set a very safe environment for my tears. I hate crying in front of people--too much snot for my comfort--but I find I cry pretty regularly in front of him anyway.

Crying in front of others other then my husband does not happen often. I sometimes panic attack when I cry. So I worry about becoming out of control.. And other things.

I have never allowed myself to cry in front of him. I get teared up sometimes and a few tears have fallen. I get so anxious when I feel I might cry that I feel a need to turn my body and face completely around in the chair. He does not like this. Crying does not feel safe for me.

I think having me cry is one of his goals. I wish I could too. I'm just not there yet.

We do hug. At the end of every session. He stands up, opens his arms and gives me a goofy smile. He's very tall. I put my head on his shoulder and he holds me for a few brief seconds. He's also touched my self harm scars once. That was very healing!

I'm not sure if he would comfort me. When I get teared up he tells me it's okay to cry, then I feel myself snap myself out of it and dissociate.

Hi Nomad,
The only human I can cry around is my t. I'd say I cry in about 75-80% of my sessions: sobbing or just leaking as someone said before. Sometimes she puts the box of tissues nearby. Sometimes she narrates the pain a bit but she doesn't comfort me per say. I can tell she empathizes with me at times but she doesn't show emotion really.

Any session I'd like a hug on exiting I can have one unless either of us are sick. I asked for the first hug almost 2 years ago. There have been strings of sessions when i don't want to hug her.

I've cried quite a few times in t. She's teared up a couple times too. I didn't get a hug until I finally got brave enough to ask for one almost a year in - right before she moved out of state. Funny thing is I can't remember if we even shook hands at my first appointment, I don't think so though.

I've only cried three times in therapy. The first time was the first session with T, and that was probably the most notable time. The other two times were in reaction to something T said, but weren't more than getting teary eyed and sniffling and then remaining quiet for a minute while I talked myself down from it.

I get choked up a lot on certain topics and am always on the verge of crying, but I always calm myself down.

T has grabbed the tissue box and handed it to me, but otherwise doesn't comfort me.

He's also non-touchy and I'm just not sure how I would react to a hug from him. I would probably break down and cry, because I just have never had much physical affection from males in my life and I crave it. So in that case I would cry.

Do you/have you cry/cried at therapy sessions? Do you regularly?
Never ever in 6 years- not my thing I guess. I don't cry before ppl in general, very rarely (and shortly- cause I get angry) I cry when alone. It just doesn't help to cry- i.e. I don't feel better/relieved/relaxed...

How does your t react? Does she comfort you? Or just keep going? If they comfort you, does it really make you feel better?
He'd tried to when I looked anxious/sad/tired- whatever- and it again made me angry. So now he keeps it to himself. He does make a joke/say stg funny sometimes and that helps a lot.

Has your t EVER touched/hugged you?
Does the initial handshake count? Cause at our first session I asked not to be touched. I know he doesn't do hugs, but he touches clients (pat-on-a-back/shoulder kind of thing)

Seems like it would be very difficult indeed if the session had to end while you were crying. Or it would be for me, anyway. It's hard enough when T tells me the time is up when I'm moderately upset, which happens quite often.

My t calls me about an hour or two after my sessions if I get really upset, or she has to end it when I'm upset, because my sessions are at 4 and she knows things are worse for me at night already. Plus I'm only 17 and I have a 45 minute drive home and she worries when I drive when I'm upset. So she does call and check on my when I get really upset.

Nomad

Wow, a therapist who contacts you after sessions to check if you're ok is a pretty incredible thing. I'm glad to hear your T does that for you.

Only yesterday I had a total meltdown, My T was concerned as I couldn't talk to her, Think it was with therapy ending. Yeah I have cried but not as much as yesterday.

It was a long time before I cried in therapy. The first time it happened was during EMDR and I was so incredibly embarrassed for losing control. My T, like many T's it seems, was pretty pleased that I had finally been unable to hold it together. Now, after several years, I cry fairly regularly. Still find it shameful and embarrassing that I am unable to control myself, but I no longer send an apologetic email afterwards every time. My crying consists of some tears running down my face, never full blown sobbing sort of stuff.
As far as what T does when I cry....hmmm....not too much. He often keeps talking, once in a great while he will express some sadness, he used to often tell me that it was okay to cry there, that it is a safe place. He makes it feel alright to cry or express emotions with him. Sadly now that it feels safe and acceptable to lose it there, it seems that I have lost the ability to maintain control at all and cry regularly.

T does not touch me in any way or make any sudden movements when I am upset, thank goodness. Generally he is against touch in T anyway. On rare occasions we will have a fist bump and that is nice and connecting.

ive never cried. ive had to hold back once or twice and "swallow the oncoming tears"
i think i would like to and need to but i doubt it will ever happen.

if i did i know T would be comforting. I dont really know how she would react as far as hugging, sitting by me, etc....probably would ask "what do you need from me right now?" as she has done before in difficult sessions. she hugs me at the end of every session. i tried to leave group the other day while she was talking to another member and she said "stuggling, wait a sec"......quickly finished that conversation and cmae over and gave me a hug.....i had a rough group session that day. there has been other instances where shes sat next to me and rubbed my back or put her arm around me for comfort...after i shared something difficult. shes pretty awesome and im lucky to have her.

She sounds amazing. I LOVE my t, but I wish she was more touchy. All she does is call me honey.

Nomad

We Cried in t many times. T will hold our hand, or hug us, or sit by us, or play with our hair, all sorts of things.

That sounds nice.

Nomad

I have only recently started therapy and had no idea a therapist might hug or touch people - not sure if this is a geographical thing? It sounds really inappropriate to me! I'd be horrified if mine tried!

My T has a very sympathetic manner, it's hard to explain but I feel I can safely cry and he nods and understands and responds well.

In my country I think a T could lose their licence if they hugged their clients. I don't know that, but I suspect that it is so. I agree that it seems inappropriate, but it's a point-of-view thing. My limited insight into how things are in the US suggests that people who are not very close friends or family hug each other more frequently than what is normal in my part of the world, and then maybe it is also natural to hug a T. And I know from previous threads on the subject that many American therapists also don't hug clients or touch them in other ways than handshakes, so it's not uniform there either.

I'm a crier and I can't understand how others can go to T and never cry. Nevertheless, it is an established fact. Truth is stranger than fiction.

(I still think the criers heal faster, but I can't prove it.)

My T doesn't touch me unless I ask for a hug at the end of the session. I get about three hugs a year.

My T called me "sweetheart" once, and that was ironic if not sarcastic. It still felt good.

Don't know where you are but I am pretty sure it is like that here in the UK too.

It's possible I might just totally freak out if my therapist tried to hug me if I was crying. I know some therapist/client relationships can include this, but for me, it just wouldn't work.

I cry when I need to in therapy. It really doesn't count as crying unless the tears fall down your cheeks anyway.

I've never cried in 16 months of therapy. T has made it clear I can cry if I want to, but I havent.

We discussed her hugging me, and I said I didn't want her to. A few times she has said that she would like to hug me (when I've been finding things harder for example) but won't until I say its okay.

I'm the the UK, so maybe it depends on individual Ts.

I think hugging / touching also depends on the therapists approach and background. Humanistic T's seem to be more open to it.

I have cried in 3 sessions during the 3 years that I've been seeing him (and crying is very easy for me, just not there). But these 3 times, I cried nearly non-stop for 45 minutes! Very often, though, I'm on the verge of crying... Very very often!

He didn't even comment on my crying or stop to comfort me. He just kept going and I kept using the handkerchiefs! But it didn't exactly bother me since I know that they are trained to do so...

Regarding touching, before Christmas, Easter and summer break we would shake hands, and that was it! But right before this Christmas brake, after a really productive and intense session, he kissed me on the cheeks, which filled me with happiness and made me make it through the holidays (I was in a really low point...)

Yes I have cried in t, much to my dismay. My t really doesnt do anything. She gives me tissues and lets me cry. It is actually nice, because I can get it out without feeling judged. She doesnt go on though, until I am ready. She also sometimes sits next to me on the couch, or put her hand on my shoulder or something.

My t has hugged me before (unasked for). I have serious trust issues so dont let her hug me, but I have expressed to her that hugging is something I would like to work on. She asks me if I want a hug a lot, I say no, and then she hugs the air and says "ok then ill give you a virtual hug". So yes she has hugged me and would if i asked for it.

If you want a hug, ask t. They usually wait for the patient to initiate any physical touch. Or it could be that your t is not a touchy person... in that case, they can explain themselves. Either way, I think you will get closure by bringing this up to t.

Do you/have you cry/cried at therapy sessions? Do you regularly?

I cry almost every time I go. I can only think of one session I didn't cry

How does your t react? Does she comfort you? Or just keep going? If they comfort you, does it really make you feel better?

She slides a box of tissues on the floor and acknowledges it as being normal but doesnt quite dote on it. If I apologize she tells me not to. The acknowledgment is all I really need to feel a bit better.

Has your t EVER touched/hugged you? Only patted my back