[CantExplain]

(Sorry guys! Yet another thread triggered by the same session.)

Dear T

I'm hearing you want me to give up my power voluntarily.
I take it you know how difficult this is for me.
You are asking the impossible, so you are going to have to cut me some slack.
I am prepared to give it a go if you can first win back my trust.

You have to prove to me that you will not take my power by force.

That is my offer. Call it an ultimatum if you like. Because the other two options are:
a) You abandon this objective, or
b) I quit.

Love,
CE

[Lamplighter]

CE this is confusing me a bit. If she's expecting you to give up control through free choice (the only option that would be therapeutic IMO) where does the issue of her taking your power by force come into it? Or am I missing something here?

I get how you need to trust that she's not going to mess you about if you do voluntarily give up your power (or control?), is that what you mean?

Sorry to be obtuse, maybe you could elaborate a bit more? Thanks

Torn

[feralkittymom]

You have to prove to me that you will not take my power by force.

What would such proof look like?

[Fixated]

I don't really know how to help you, CE. You seem hell bent on spiraling. I know the feeling well, I think.

Maybe you just need to take a leap of faith and trust your T. That is what I have had to do in certain situations.

What is the smallest/easiest thing around which you can give up control/power? Can you try it step by step?

I guess I don't know what power you are still holding onto so tightly. You are already very open with your T, right? Is it just all about control? You need to give up the idea that you have power over others/your T?

[stopdog]

I think this is another way of telling her to prove she loves you by not letting you leave. I don't think most therapists think this is what they are to do. I don't believe in therapists loving clients (nor really clients loving therapists either other than as some fantasy ideal - not the actual person they are dealing with - I realize others may have different opinions - this is just mine). They may care to a certain extent, but it is a job. Clients come and go, and if one goes, they will probably have another take the slot. The therapist may realize they failed the client, they may not care, they may take no responsibility and blame the client, or they may shrug and go on with their life without giving it a second thought. The problem there is the client cannot know how the therapist internally responds to their leaving and therefore the client's umbrage or satisfaction from the therapist's response or imagined response is based upon speculation.
I wonder if the two of you could step away from this to come to a way to work together or take a break from her and try out some others and assess her approach against some others.

[unaluna]

Idk if I'm confused or not. Because she said, I'll leave it up to you to decide what to do, you're perceiving that as taking your power by force? It's just a t ploy. But you want a do-over, you don't want this incident to count?

I'm with Stop CE. Give it a little time, step back and breathe. I have a feeling your T wont like at ultimatum as much as you wouldn't like one. This means the letter is a recipe for failure and the end of the relationship.

[anilam]

Yeah I was all about the power in RSs so I've dealt with that in therapy too.
What my T showed me is that I can have the power/control over my actions and decision and so does he- having the power doesn't (shouldn't) mean that you have it over the other person too- that was such a relief, cause I was fighting for it soo hard because I thought that if I wouldn't have it that meant the other person would (and would be able to use it against me...)
However, from what you've written here I didn't get the impression that she wants you to relinquish your power but I kind of got the feeling like you would like to have it over her (which she rightfully refuses to let you).
I really hope you'll get what I'm trying to say- cause I know I'm babbling more than usual. But I like you CE and can clearly see how much you're struggling right now. Take care.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

(Sorry guys! Yet another thread triggered by the same session.)
You have to prove to me that you will not take my power by force.
Love,
CE

I'm confused. What power is it that she has over you. I'm thinking of my experience in therapy, and the only power I can think of that the therapist has is the power to terminate me. But I can choose what to talk about. Even if the therapist tries to force me to talk about something, they can't make me. The only threat they have is to threaten to terminate. If the only way the therapist can get me to talk is to threaten to terminate, I'm thinking it's probably not a great therapeutic relationship. Sometimes we'll talk about why I find it hard to talk about "x." or what I'm afraid of if I talk about "x" or some other backdoor that I can handle. Or we'll switch to another topic, or angle, that we both think is an issue and I am willing to talk about it. Rarely is there just ONE thing that can be talked about.

I imagine I'm missing something. What power is she holding over you?

[BlessedRhiannon]

CE - I really think your letter is going to put your T in a no win situation. How is she supposed to prove to you that she won't take power from you by force? What kind of power is it that you are so afraid of losing. What would losing power mean to you? What would voluntarily giving up power vs having it taken by force look like?

It seems to me like you are trying really hard to back your T in to a corner where she has no choice but to just give in and say "fine, you win." How is that therapeutic? Why does it have to be a power struggle between you two. Wouldn't it be more therapeutic to work with T to find ways in which giving up your power feels safe and doesn't become a win/lose situation?

I used to have major issues with always needing to be in control. For me, it was actually a relief when I realized that at times I don't have to be. It's exhausting to always need to be in control and try to have power over all situations. Sometimes, you have to be willing to take that first step and say - I'm going to trust this person with being in control of this one thing.

[BonnieJean]

It kind of seems like you are giving control to t in this letter. You are giving her choice the final say by giving an ultimatum. It really seems to limit your options. I can hear how frustrating this interaction has been for you. I can't help thinking that in someway you are reinacting the power struggle you've told us about with your mom. It is very close to your core. Maybe the longing to feel safe putting your trust back in t is too. I don't think there is an easy solution. Sometimes when things get like this my t just starts with asking me how I'm feeling thru all this and getting down to simple feelings sometimes helps. I love to feel that t is on my side but it doesn't always seem that way.

I really agree with what Stopdog said above.

[ECHOES]

I am prepared to give it a go if you can first win back my trust.

You're cutting her a "Power deal"... ?

Do you think it is possible to take someone's power by force?