Hi PC Friends

I had to deactivate my account, but for those of you who have been my friends here, I wanted to come back and give an update...I will probably only be here for a short while.

My T is terminating therapy with me. I actually terminated with him a few weeks ago, but there was always an understanding that the door was open, and I was welcome to come back. That door is closing.

I have been overwhelmed with grief and confusion. I have moments of "okay", but mostly moments of "I'm not sure I'll survive"

But I'm sure I will survive.

I will see him two more times. Once to try to understand what's going on (we have only communicated through e-mails) and to plan how to have some closure that makes sense and honors what was good for all of these years. And then one last time for the actual, final, ending.

I feel heartbroken. I will find my way through. It's just so bad right now.

Nightsky, i am shocked to say the least....
i will miss you, your posts. i hope this is a good move for you. do you plan on finding another t? or do you think you are finished healing? you have certainly come a long way with this t... although the previous year really sucked and i believe it was entirely his fault for "not taking care of the store"... his office, his clients. etc...

sending you lots of safe hugs and I wish you and your family well in the future.

Jb.

[Nightlight]

I was really worried that things must have been overwhelming in some way for you, causing you to leave. I've been thinking of you and will always miss having you around and about, if you end up going. Your posts were always so helpful and inspiring and I wanted you to know that they often helped me a lot. I'm so devastated for you. I feel heartbroken for you and I know you really must be. You will survive. You will. I wish I could do something, anything to take away some of the pain. I'm so sorry that it's led to this after so much hard work, and so many good things along the way too. They are the things that will stay with you in the end, those good things..and I hope at some point, not too far into the future, that another door opens...and you move away from the pain and continue your journey forwards. I hope you're able to rely on all the support you have to help get you through this. You deserve it. Thinking of you, wishing I could do more, and feeling grateful to you too, for all you've shared along the way.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by nightsky2

I had to deactivate my account, but for those of you who have been my friends here, I wanted to come back and give an update...I will probably only be here for a short while.

My T is terminating therapy with me. I actually terminated with him a few weeks ago, but there was always an understanding that the door was open, and I was welcome to come back. That door is closing.

I have been overwhelmed with grief and confusion. I have moments of "okay", but mostly moments of "I'm not sure I'll survive"

But I'm sure I will survive.

I will see him two more times. Once to try to understand what's going on (we have only communicated through e-mails) and to plan how to have some closure that makes sense and honors what was good for all of these years. And then one last time for the actual, final, ending.

I feel heartbroken. I will find my way through. It's just so bad right now.

I just can't send enough to you to express my sorrow for what you have gone through, and what you are going through.

I hope the 2 sessions you have left are good ones, and give you something to carry with you to help with this deep heartbreak pain. I know there are good memories there too, because you posted about them. I hope those will carry you through this.

At some point not too distant, I also hope you will seek another therapist to help you with this. That probably seems like the last thing you'd want, but I think it would be helpful. Okay, now I've butted in and told you what to do. I didn't want to do that, I just wanted to send my sympathy and love and many hugs.

[elliemay]

Wow. I'm heartbroken for you. This has been such long struggle, and now it's ending.

I do hope you two can honor the good, productive times. A lot of good came out of you two working together.

It laid the groundwork for the rest of your healing.

Now, it's time to move on. Move to better.

Peace to you.

[WikidPissah]

((nightsky))

Ugh...I don't know what to say. I wish you peace and healing. May the road rise up to meet you my friend. Much love.

You can always come back here if you need support. Good luck and I hope you find peace.

[catsrhelm]

Hello nightsky,
I too have had to terminate therapy and it is hard. However, I found that theraputic journalling works for me. (Sorry, hon, I am not the best speller on the block.) Maybe you should give it a try.
Cat

[rainbow8]

nightsky, I'm sorry that it's ending this way. But like the others posted, you've had wonderful years of healing and connection with your T. No matter what happened this past year, you can't erase the past. I'm sure your T will acknowledge that also. You've grown through your therapy and have been a role model for many of us here.

I hope that you will continue to post how you're doing when you feel up to it. Please know that I have faith that you will survive this loss. Allow yourself to grieve. It's a loss like any other. I hope your last two sessions give you some closure.

Nightsky, grief and confusion seems painful I'm sorry you are having a rough time.

Maybe your T realized that he isn't helping you any longer and that he is under obligation to terminate if he doesn't feel it is in your best interest to continue with him... It sure sucks but sometimes having final closure is better than always having doubts... should I go back? should I find someone else?

Maybe after the grief mellows...the clean break will be a positive thing

[seventyeight]

wow, so sorry to hear that ((nightsky)). is it something you can talk about here in greater detail? i'm curious as to why he's "terminating with you."

regardless, i hope that you're doing ok. maybe it would be good to think about another therapist in the interim..

[geez]

I hope to see you around. Terminating therapy doesn't mean you need to terminate us We are here for you. You don't need to be in treatment with a T to participate in this forum. If you choose to no longer participate online I understand and I wish you well.

nightsky, you have been such a source of comfort and inspiration to me in trying to move forward and take risks in my own therapy. I will always be grateful to you for that, and for your willingness to share of yourself. I hope that you find comfort quickly. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I hope you know how welcome you are here, and how much many of us care for you.

[~EnlightenMe~]

(((((Nightsky2)))))))),
I am SO sorry you are going through such a painful time. You worked SO hard in therapy, and I wish it didn't have to end this way for you. We are all here if you need us during this time, don't forget that Take care.

[2or3things]

This is just achingly painful, and I'm only talking about for myself. My heart is positively breaking for you. You've been so brave and strong and dedicated.

I hope you'll find peace soon enough, and I'm so glad you know that you'll make it through.

Still, I'm so, so sorry. Biggest hugs to you, my friend.

nightsky2, I do not have any different words for you that the others haven't said. I understand how utterly painful it is to be terminated. I hope you can find some peace and understanding after your last two sessions and rememeber the doors to PC never close.

[blur]

oh nightsky, i'm so sorry. this must be so difficult for both you and T. you have done wonderful, amazing work together though.

[purple_fins]

thinking of you

"where there is an ending there is a new beginning"--
I hope this new beginning is one with comfort, hope and peace for you

You were always kind and patient with me-- I will forever appreciate you, and hold you dear in my heart.

take care and if you decide to stick around- please keep in touch.

fins

[googley]

((((((((((nightsky))))))))))))
I agree with whoever said (Echoes?) that there are not enough hugs. You have been such an inspiration on this board. You were one of my first friends here and really made me feel welcome. For that and your continued support I will be forever thankful. I too hope that you are able to continue on your journey to healing. You have come SO far. You have been so courageous! Keep taking care of yourself. Know that even though you are finishing with your T we are always here to support you if you feel comfortable coming back. You will always be welcome.


Googs.

[sunrise]

(((((((((( nightsky ))))))))))

I am so low on words, but I wanted to just say thanks. There are people in my real life who know what is going on, but no one "gets it" like I knew people would here.

I am really REALLY confused. And sad. We met earlier this week and it made it worse, and I'm not sure I'm going to the final session on Friday. I think I *have* to, for myself, or I'll always have this possible "final session" out there and I'll never let it go.

Basically, someone has been in there lying about me all year to T, and even though I begged for us to both sign releases so we could talk about it, or even all sit down in the same room together, T kept saying it was okay, not to worry. I am honestly not even sure at this point what I'm being accused of exactly, or what her "evidence" is...I've had no contact with her, in any form, for 8 months. But whatever it is, T believes her, and I'm done.

Which is horrible on so many levels I can't count them.

I'm super confused and super sad and i just don't know.

I wish I had some wise words to offer, nightsky. This must be so excruciating for you. Hugs and more hugs.

[Nightlight]

I know this touches on all the old stuff. T seemed to really hear you at some points, but your friends here have always seen what was happening, we've seen how rough it has been for you. You really, really fought to make this work. You've done absolutely everything you could and you've been so brave. I know it must be so, so hard right now. I understand just how much you're losing and letting go of. It's a huge thing. I believe in you. In how strong you've been, how true to yourself you've been (in the way you've stood up for you and for what's right). I also believe in how strong you'll continue to be (even if you don't always feel that way). I'm so sad about the events that led to this other person being able to do this to you and your therapy. I really do think you are so strong and so brave.

[2or3things]

Just wondering...are you considering trying to work with someone else to help you through this transition? I know it's probably the last thing you want to do, but this is such a big thing, and you need and deserve support from someone who understands and can be on your side. (You know--not taking sides, but really having your best interests at heart and looking out for you when it might be difficult to do that for yourself at times.)

Thinking of you.

[lostmyway]

((((Nightsky))))) I am so sorry for what's happening! I am praying for comfort and peace for you during this most difficult time