c o u c h 38 - The dark ages....

Only one of my cats sleeps on my bed, and as much as I don't mind sharing, she still gets moved to the other side when she pushes me off my side. The dog is 155lbs and he doesn't get to sleep on the bed! He would find it too hot to stay for long anyway.

H has tried, but it doesn't work.. Yeats is my buddy, and he won't sleep without me unless I put him in his crate. If I am in bed, then he is in bed!

Being labeled is hard. I think your therapist may need to explain a little more what he means.

Wow. W is tough.

In my house, the dogs at least obey if we tell them to get off the bed. They creep back on in the night but usually after we are asleep. The cats basically act deaf or like we are deficient and ignore us.

You already have a cute little old lady at home.

I struggle with that word too Healed. No matter how bad I am, or how much I'm thinking of it, I never label myself that way, and so when T asks, I just say that I guess I'm not and that I don't know where to draw the line.

suicidal is serious , if accused and not..then say so!

Well, I was just thinking about that..

Maybe it bothers me so much, b/c I am and I don't want to be labeled that way. I know T has done stuff like make me promise I will be safe between appointments, given me his cell phone to call/text if I feel like I can't keep that promise, ok'ed two appointments a week for awhile.. So, in my mind.. I guess that means, he really thinks I am. I just wonder, of he throws the word around so loosley to make it feel like it not such a taboo thing. So, I can talk about it. I don't know just been something I have been thinking about.

I think one should be able to talk to a therapist about it without fear of them freaking out. It should not be taboo, in my opinion.

well, I think I am going to head back to bed.. Good night, all. Glad I had some company while I have been awake. I hope you all get some skeeo as well.

I agree..

I think the topic for my Tuesday session will be, suicide. Sounds weird to say. Good night couch friends!

Opps.. that is supposed to say sleep.. Can you tell I have a dog laying on my lap impeading my view of the computer? I think he is ready for bed as well.

I think T's dont want their clients to die on their watch. Suicide is very serious and if you truly feel that way you need to be honest with him. PM me if you need to.

Good luck with the conversation.

Hope you have an okay night Healed.

My problem seems to be kind of the opposite (at least in terms of labels). I feel really dreadful but nobody ever takes me seriously because I seem to be able to hold on no matter what. I guess until the day I can't? The one time in four years that T seemed to really hear how badly I was coping and she gave me an emergency number (I was worse than ever before after everything that had happened with T), she also said she'd call me and then she forgot to call.

if you ever become truly suicidal I would hope you would call your T and not wait for their call.

Thanks Lola. I'd never really stopped to think that was an option so it does help that you pointed that out to me. Though I'm sure T would just give me the crisis assessment number (and they would do what needs to be done). Except I don't think I 'd ever call them. You know, you get to that place where you don't even want to be saved? At the time I needed to talk to T about the huge changes between us. She works another job a couple of days a week and soon after the time she forgot to call she was out of the city anyway. I guess, probably, maybe, I'll just hold on forever...no matter what. Probably.

I still don't know where to draw the line though. I think I've been pretty close, but without asking for help, I'm still here. So I don't know when I wait until either.

i know about the place where you dont wanna be saved... but you dont really wanna die, you just want to stop hurting and that is a huge difference!

That's definitely true. Though sometimes I get to this place of acceptance where it feel like it's what I want, and not just to escape. Sometimes I feel calm and ready. Sorry that was so negative.

I do too and my T says that is me trying to take control... I take comfort in the fact that I know I can off me...

Thanks for hearing me. You're probably right. I probably do feel calm because it's one last bit of control. A choice. Anyway, I'll just keep hanging on. I always do!

Good morning, wasn't I just here?

i am so grumpy thismorning .i have been doing great with not hiding in my craft room but dont think that will happen today.

Im sorry your having a bad morning.
Maybe you could go back to sleep for a bit and see if you wake up happier?

Good morning Lola and Granite..

Sorry you are grumpy Granite- I hope your day gets better.

I am getting my kids ready for church, then I plan on cleaning while everyone is gone!!!