[newtus]

i think one of the reasons why i dont like therapy is because i come in and they ask "well what do you want me to help you with" or what do you need/want to work on. and i have no clue because idk what i need to work on. the last therapist i said "im really bad at therapy" and they asked why and i think this is why. but at the moment i didnt know so i said "idk".

then im like 'wtf am i doing here. why am i in this building if nothing is wrong with me or idk whats wrong with me'.

then i feel stupid and quit therapy.

thats not the only reason why i quit therapies but thats part of it.

Its ok not to know, you need to find a better therapist.... one who is willing to discover the answer with you.

[ECHOES]

^^^ I agree.

What if you answered, "I want you to help me to feel free to talk more in therapy." Or "I want to know myself better." or "I want you to help me figure out how to make my life feel better."....

[newtus]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

^^^ I agree.

What if you answered, "I want you to help me to feel free to talk more in therapy." Or "I want to know myself better." or "I want you to help me figure out how to make my life feel better."....

those are really good ideas. wish i had thought of that sooner.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Its ok not to know, you need to find a better therapist.... one who is willing to discover the answer with you.

theyve all said that to me. ive been to maybe 6 or 7 in my life.

newtus its never too late..... believe me , some T's suck.... you will find the right one!

[newtus]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

newtus its never too late..... believe me , some T's suck.... you will find the right one!

this may sound funny but theres not many in my town cause i live in the rural.

I live in the sticks too and in the Bible Belt and I'm a lesbian ... you know how hard it was for me? you can do it.... have your list of what you need available and start from there.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

I live in the sticks too and in the Bible Belt and I'm a lesbian ... you know how hard it was for me? you can do it.... have your list of what you need available and start from there.

it was hard cause your lesbian?

yes dear I live in Baptist Alley....

[newtus]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

yes dear I live in Baptist Alley....

where do you live?
im not a lesbian though

Newtus, its Texas but we are talking about you.... you can keep trying, just interview them

[newtus]

lol i live there too.
not enough minorities here!
i cant talk about my racial issues cause the caucasian therapists are really uneasy about it. in their face. i was called delusional before because i brought it up.
my town only has 700 people

[newtus]

i dont know if i did but i didnt mean to offend anyone.

its all good sweetie...

[newtus]

crap
anyway
i get derailed really easily
what im saying AFTERWARDS is basically..
idk.
theres so many factors that im confused and kinda give up.

but thanks

Giving up is saying where you are now is good enough forever... do you really feel that way?

[newtus]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Giving up is saying where you are now is good enough forever... do you really feel that way?

thats the hard part. thats what im saying.
most times i think im ok but im told a lot im not. so idk whats going on. idk what to say.

"most of the times" Id look into that!

[newtus]

im not sure what you mean. most times im ok.

What about the times you aren't ok?

[newtus]

hm well past year ive had a lot of homicidal thoughts but i dont think thats something i could say right? cause ill be put in hospital. like i left the last one after 4 visits cause they asked me if i had a plan. they wanted to put me in hospital 2 weeks ago. thats when i last saw them and wanted to put me in 4 weeks ago when i felt suicidal. i quit feeling suicidal but i feel homicidal constantly. but if i had a pl_n i cant tell anyone.

and then like...other stuff thats not as bad.

Lola's right, some t's just suck, the first two I tried certainly did. My current t is my 3rd and she is awesome. At first, the only thing I could say I needed help with went something like this: "I don't know. All I know is there has to be something more than the me I am now."

I wasn't even exactly sure what I meant. But 15 months later she and I have found out one heck of a lot together about who ME is!!! I've done some really hard work, cried many tears, heck I've sat there sobbing on her couch, but it's all been worth it. So very, very, very worth it. All the best luck to you, don't give up!! It's so worth it all.

[newtus]

most therapists wont take me if im not on meds

i feel like i have a lot of excuses yet they are valid

Do you agree that homicidal is not a healthy way to feel? That it is a dangerous feeling? If you do then its your responsability to get help and make sure you never act on that feeling. Meds are good they help us and may help those feelings as well. Hospitals are a necessity some times, a chanxe to regroup and start over. I just got out of the hospital 1 month ago. Its one of those necessary evils an even though you hate it, it is meant to help you.