[CantExplain]

Let's have a show of hands about niceness.

[ECHOES]

Huh?

You're nice, I'm nice.

[stopdog]

I actually don't think of either of them as nice or not. One seems more effective at engaging rather than enraging me than the other.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I actually don't think of either of them as nice or not. One seems more effective at engaging rather than enraging me than the other.

And that's the one you are less attached to, if I understand your other post.

My t is tough, but nice. Not sugary-over-the-top-avoid-conflict-at-all-cost nice, but when there's something that's hard for me to hear she knows how to say it in a way that I feel like she's on my side even if the words might not seem like it. If that makes any sense. I love my t.

[Nightlight]

Usually she's very nice. She's still quite firm though. She calls me stubborn, but I think she gives me a run for my money in that department. At times she'll push quite hard, she won't take any nonsense, and she likes to be very direct. She's still a very kind and caring person, and she is nice. I'm a nice person too, I'd say, and I'm generally nice to her as well.

Lately she's been less nice. Sometimes she still surprises me and is quite nice, but at times she has been quite mean. Mean is not a normal aspect of our therapy relationship and I'm still not over it. I expect I've been a lot less nice to deal with lately as well.

[Anne2.0]

I think "nice" is not relevant in a T relationship, or rather, my T relationship. I don't care whether he's nice, but I would notice if he wasn't nice. Too bad there's no poll option for that.

[suzzie]

strict but sort of nice

[ECHOES]

Oh.. the poll is up now.

My T is just right. Not perfect or anything, but she is very nice.

Sometimes it bugs me. I have told her that there are times I don't talk about something because I don't want to upset the "nicey-nice" atmosphere. She once redirected a discussion by saying "I don't want to argue". When I emailed her about it after, I wondered if I was not worth arguing with/about, if it would upset the "nicey-nice", etc. Sometimes I feel like a good argument would be something good - it could lead to things that might be useful. Her answer was that she was really talking to herself when she said "I don't want to argue" and that she felt she was not being helpful when she heard an overly rationalistic debate that she was somehow initiating. We haven't got back to that for me to fully understand what she meant. Thanks for reminding me to go back and hash it out with her

Ok, so I am the one who voted too nice...my T is truly the kindest person I have ever met. The only reason I think this might be seen as detrimental is that in being so nice he is missing some things about me that are big, that my ex-T picked up on right away, because HE was "just right" and didn't let me get away with "stuff"...the ex-T would call me on my crap.
Not sure this one knows I am sometimes full of it and I need to be corrected or else analyzed to the point where he says, "no, it's actually this...you are using a defense mechanism." My ex-T was awesome at calling me out when I needed it, and I grew the most with him.

[Victoria'smom]

I think my T's too nice but she's also to quiet. So I have no idea.

[sunrise]

I voted "just right." I actually have trouble understanding the concept of "too nice". I don't really get how someone could be too nice, unless it means they were being fakey, which I would hate. To me, the opposite of nice is mean, rude, or disrespectful, and I definitely would not want a T who was any of those.

[Millygirl]

Sometimes too nice and it confuses me. Mine often frames up things he wants to get across in a far less direct way than he could be and hints to that too. I think is so I get the message without getting hurt by it as I am pretty self critical already. Sometimes its too soft at the time but later when i think about it i wonder if he is trying to find a nice way of telling me he is sick of listening to me and my problems. I might be better with it being a bit more direct. Sometimes after a session, his words sit with me and I think ohhh so what you really meant was I am getting on your nerves when I do this or that every week. So I get hurt anyway thinking he is secretly frustrated with me or hates me etc.

[WikidPissah]

I picked just right, but really she's okay. Not just right. But she isn't too nice or not nice enough.

[stopdog]

I kind of go with the ones I see are not completely incompetent.