Do you know which type works best for you?

There are so many different types and theories and schools.

I am fascinated by how different each t is but yet they all do the same job but in so many different ways.
Each client being unique with different problems but underneath it all we all have the same needs- the need to be heard, to be loved and to be nurtured and respected.
I have been thinking about this a lot since meeting with new t. She is all facts and figures and gives me information to sites that can help me online.
She is also so attuned to me and knows exactly what I am feeling and going through, so much so its scares me. She wants me to understand what I am going through by learning about it. This is a totally new approach for me and I love it so far but I miss the being nice part. I miss old t being empathetic. I realise now that this didn't help me and I need to learn about things in order to learn. New t encourages me to write about what I am experiencing and to send her stuff I write and learn. I feel that she respects me and I like this, it is a new experience and I appreciate her honesty- she never sugar coats anything.

What type of T do you like and why?

My T is a Clinical Psychologist who describes himself as "freeform" psychologist. Which I suppose means he takes whatever approach he feels appropriate. Whether it's visualisation, CBT, dreams whatever. Is this what you mean? He also says he'll never shy away from asking the tough questions.

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

My T is a Clinical Psychologist who describes himself as "freeform" psychologist. Which I suppose means he takes whatever approach he feels appropriate. Whether it's visualisation, CBT, dreams whatever. Is this what you mean? He also says he'll never shy away from asking the tough questions.

Ahhh, yes this is what mine is too maybe thats why they are so different

[trdleblue]

As far as from a therapist, I don't have the need or desire to be loved or nurtured. The thought of it actually makes me a little queasy. What I want (and for the most part have) is a t that is competent, direct, and polite. He also of course needs to be able to understand me, and I don't want him to sugar coat things for me.

Originally Posted by trdleblue

As far as from a therapist, I don't have the need or desire to be loved or nurtured. The thought of it actually makes me a little queasy. What I want (and for the most part have) is a t that is competent, direct, and polite. He also of course needs to be able to understand me, and I don't want him to sugar coat things for me.

I do not mean that the t has to nuture us or love us but they show us how to get these needs met in real life
They provide the tools and we use them

[trdleblue]

Originally Posted by button30

I do not mean that the t has to nuture us or love us but they show us how to get these needs met in real life
They provide the tools and we use them

Ah - I read it a little differently.

Sometimes it's not the 'school' the T comes from, but who they are and how they as a person, and how well they connect to a given client. I keep seeing over and over, whatever I read, that the relationship is key. That said, I like an eclectic approach - for a T to be able to be flexible to suit the client's needs, not try and force the client into a rigid treatment structure that doesn't suit them just because they think it works.. (CBT Ts I'm looking at you!) and personally I favour humanistic style therapies.

[WikidPissah]

I have had a few different types of T's. Current t is a "trauma specialist". I am comfortable with her because she is very respectful of my space and does not try to act like a "friend". She gives valuable input without the touchy-feely crap that I hate so much.

[stopdog]

There is really not a lot of oversight with these guys and no structure to it so it is going to be different with all of them because they get to make it up as they go along. I am not saying that sometimes it doesn't work, just that it is very hit or miss. And clients really don't know how to choose between them. I mean if you obviously dislike someone that is easy or if you immediately hate cbt or something, but the rest of it is a crap shoot.

yeah exactly stopdog, there is no structure or governing body to check what they are doing and they do make a lot of it up. Like Justsomegirl said I think the relationship os the key to most therapy. Client centered is what works for me, I do not like CBT but I can imagine if you had an addiction this would work very well.
With the relationship, if it is the center of all therapies, then if clients experience transference, then why are some Ts so surprised at this and not equiped to deal with it?

[stopdog]

Knowing theory, if the therapist even does that, does not make it universally true that a therapist will know how to handle it themselves. Just because they know about something does not make them good at the practical part of it. And some may even reject or deny the notion or decide they know a better way of approaching it.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by button30

With the relationship, if it is the center of all therapies, then if clients experience transference, then why are some Ts so surprised at this and not equiped to deal with it?

1. You're assuming they're surprised. 2. You're assuming they're not equipped to deal with it.

If their way of dealing with it is to refer a person out, that could be due to their own vulnerability, either in general or to this particular client, or it may be because, in their judgment, the client doesn't show the kind of insight into the transference that would make the t feel comfortable. Whatever that may be. That's my opinion.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by hankster

1. You're assuming they're surprised. 2. You're assuming they're not equipped to deal with it.

If their way of dealing with it is to refer a person out, that could be due to their own vulnerability, either in general or to this particular client, or it may be because, in their judgment, the client doesn't show the kind of insight into the transference that would make the t feel comfortable. Whatever that may be. That's my opinion.

I think therapists often show they are ill-equipped to handle it. And I don't think it is the client's job to make the therapist comfortable. And how would a client come to have insight necessarily without the assistance of the therapist? Sometimes clients are right.

[unaluna]

I'm thinking of people - not from here, but from my private life - who wanted to seduce their Ts. That to me shows a lack of insight, and would not make the T "comfortable". I knew I had those feelings so I found books, I talked openly about it with my Ts. I didn't act out, I don't think. I questioned.

Originally Posted by button30

With the relationship, if it is the center of all therapies, then if clients experience transference, then why are some Ts so surprised at this and not equiped to deal with it?

You have to remember they have their own baggage too. Sometimes the transference of the client and the counter transference of a T can be a toxic combination, I believe that is what happen with my first T. She couldn't keep me in check while she kept her self in check.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by hankster

I'm thinking of people - not from here, but from my private life - who wanted to seduce their Ts. That to me shows a lack of insight, and would not make the T "comfortable". I knew I had those feelings so I found books, I talked openly about it with my Ts. I didn't act out, I don't think. I questioned.

Ah. I was not thinking about seduction and therapists(because it is so far from my experience it rarely crosses my mind. I don't think of therapists as anyone I would want to seduce). I do think therapists should be able to handle such from a client unless their own issues are too much with them. It still sounds a little blame the client to me. But that is me.

Ts have their own baggage Lola but they are trained to be able to cope with their issues! I know my first t was not able to deal with transference and it hurts the client

Originally Posted by button30

Ts have their own baggage Lola but they are trained to be able to cope with their issues! I know my first t was not able to deal with transference and it hurts the client

I agree they should be able to deal and they are trained, but they are human too and believe me I know it hurts the client.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by button30

Ts have their own baggage Lola but they are trained to be able to cope with their issues! I know my first t was not able to deal with transference and it hurts the client

I think it is is a fallacy to rest upon the idea a therapist is trained. First, they (at least in this country) are not all trained to cope with their issues. Here, you can be a licensed therapist without ever having been in therapy yourself. Second, it depends upon their theoretical orientation. Third, among those who are trained, some are just simply better at it in general than others and they do react to different clients with varying degrees of ability to handle themselves and the client.

[Syra]

[B] I believe the research indicates that when they looked at several experienced therapists from different schools, you couldn't tell what "type" or "theory" they were schooled in and identified with. The relationship and rapport with the therapist was more important than the school they came from.

having said that, I LOVE Internal Family Systems. The concept is a little odd at first, but when I actually use it it works. And it is something some people can teach themselves without a therapist. It is something I am studying to get better at so that I can terminate therapy (I love my T, I just don't have unlimited funds) but still be doing more to help me than I have done when I terminated with previous therapists.

There are two nice things about IFS. The entire theory says that the person is the only one who can identify what the "parts" are and think, so it makes it more difficult for the therapist to be able to TELL you what is going on with you, while allowing them to observe and ask questions for clarifying things. Second, the "parts work" makes it so much easier to be congruent. The language lends itself to congruence, and helping identify what it is I am feeling and thinking.
[/B]

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think it is is a fallacy to rest upon the idea a therapist is trained.

Plus ever since the early 90's when a prof in MBA school screamed at me that she was TRAINED in some procedure, I have been highly sceptical of this concept! Do I want some old fart operating on me who has tons of experience, or some noobie who's been TRAINED??!! I usually go with the one who can answer my questions and shows some depth without having to mention their TRAINING. It's scary when they say it in uppercase!!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by button30

Do you know which type works best for you?

I like someone who can go deep with me. I am not big on the surface kind of work. I like someone who is creative in therapy and flexible. I would not like a therapist who uses the same techniques with all clients. I like someone who gets to know what the client needs and then uses the most appropriate approaches. I like someone who sees me as a partner in my own care, not a top-down sort of therapist. I like someone who is empathetic and who has healing as one of his goals for what he provides to clients. I like someone who is a good communicator and does not get defensive. I like someone who "gets me", who it is not too much of a struggle to explain myself to.

My T uses a lot of different techniques. One of the most memorable for me has been Ego State Therapy. This just really clicked for me, even though it has taken up but a small portion of the therapy time we have spent together. It just seemed the perfect thing for that time, was very creative, I learned a whole lot about myself, and got some healing from it. I will always remember that piece of our work, and I am glad he had that approach in his toolbox. I guess I like a T with a lot of tools because you never know what you will need.

[adel34]

It's taken me a long time to really nail down what I like in a t, and just recently I wrote a reflection on it, to present to new potential ts.
Qualities that are important are patience, curiosity, possibly the use of supportive physical touch (if they can even imagine doing that!), creativity, flexibility, understanding that I don't change quickly but at my own pace, a willingness to work with the fact that I'm blind. Also an understanding that on the surface I may seem very put together but uunderneath are real struggles and it might take time for trust/ a relationship to develop.
I may be in the minority, but I think nurturing and even love are important. My t from MA has both qualities in abundance and it's so healing to me and I don't think a bit harmful. I like someone who can be moved by my struggles, as in don't keep logically problem solving while I'm falling apart crying! (someone did this recently and I'm still shocked and hurt). I'm someone who doesn't do direct challenging well, so if they can figure out a way to gently say constructive feedback good luck! (smile) My t from MA did figure out how to do this, so I guess it can be done.
I like approaches that see the importance of one's past experiences and how that has shaped them, and sees the person in the context of other systems in their lives. I like the therapist having many tools, and being able to adapt to each client. I particularly like the expressive arts, art, dance, drama, music therapy sandtray, VMT. These help people see issues and feelings through a different lense and are refreshing especially when you're used to just talking all the time.
So yeah, all that to say that I finally figured out what works for me! Now I just hope I can find someone who resonates with these qualities.

My t is a trauma therapist who specializes in DID. She does really deep and hard work with me. She can be really tough on me. She is also extremely nurturing and loving, kind and encouraging.she talks to all of us inside and helps us work through stuff.she also does play therapy and ...well, a little bit of everything.

[healed84]

Well, of you read t's bio on the practice's website it says that he deals with object relations therapy, among either things. He has mentioned cbt. He evaluated parents to see I'd they are capable to parent at the moment.

However, to me he listens and cares and is there for me. No other titles matter!