25-FEB Session: Notes

I read her my transcript of our last session. I was surprised to find that she didn’t contradict me.

We talked about notes in general. Her argument was that I should speak from the heart and in the moment, and I don’t deny that this has produced some good results. But it devalues all the hard work I did during the week.

At the end she urged me not to send her any more emails.

T: It’s too important for that.
Me: I wouldn’t normally have done it, but I was in unbearable turmoil and I felt I had to do something. But I’ll do my best not to send you any more. In fact, I promise not to do it any more.
T: Don’t promise. Doing your best will be enough. Black and white thinking again, you see!

Well, that’s the other reason I take notes. If I can write a note and read it to her later, surely that is better than sending an email? So I am going to continue to write notes, and if time permits I shall catch up with the ten pages I failed to read today.

Me: By the way, I saw the Aspergic assessor today and I wanted to tell you about that. But there’s no time.
T: Tell me next week.

Just as well I made some notes, eh?

that really doesn't sound like the beginning of termination conversation to me; more ongoing therapy and the two of you working together. notes sound good in some ways but so does the free flowing conversation; maybe you could find a way to have both?

CE - I agree with Tigergirl
What about bullet points taken from notes about things to cover?

Your T makes me anxious...you are more tolerant than I am. I kind of want to use that smack-my-head-against-a-wall icon now, but I am still assessing exactly why.
I wrote down everything my ex-T said. It drove him nuts...I also had a better memory than he did. It was very important on more than one occasion when I needed to be validated because he was sure he "didn't say that". Um yes you did. I have hundreds of pages typed up from when I saw him over 1 year and 3 months.
Your situation is a bit different but it reminded me a bit of the same...perhaps that is why I am feeling the reaction I am. Except mine never upset me, it was more of a power struggle...yours befuddles me. But then, I am tired.
Excuse me if I said anything out of line. She is a mystery to me.

Because I am no longer allowed to email, I write notes throughout the week also. However, they are not prolific by any means. This week will have a lot, but normally not so much. It can be handled during session.

Some things I leave out because I don't necessarily think they are particularly important.

I agree. There's a lot more she can help me with.

I have good sessions and bad sessions. I wanted to quit because the bad sessions are so horrible. Can't we just have good sessions, T? But that's precisely the fantasy we have to kill.

There's plenty of time to change my mind.

A lot of good stuff happens here on PC. Doesn't she want to hear about that? And isn't it simplest for me to just read it out?

Thanks! It's nice to hear from someone who has similar issues. Even on PC, I can sometimes feel very alone.