Not sure i can do therapy... Looking for an alternative.

I've lost way too many relationships in my life in bad ways. Its to the point that I've created a habit of doing something incredibly bad to myself every time it happens. The thought of starting a connection with someone like T while knowing that I will have to break it off is keeping me from telling the truth when I go. I'm thinking about just picking up the hospital bills myself and going against my insurance's instructions. I feel like I need to find a relationship that does not have to be severed before I can start talking about the problems. Does anyone have any ideas of a way I could do this? I don't have the heart to leave anyone, no matter how bad they treat me, assuming I make some sort of connection with them. I constantly think that someday someone will walk into my life, but as soon as I think I find that person, they end up finding out who I really am and either leave or start telling others about my problems, turning entire groups against me. Hence the trust issues. I guess you could say I am a very clingy person once I let you into my life. I'm not obnoxious, I just feel the need for constant attention and support. It probably comes from being overprotected by my parents for way too long. Don't get me wrong, I also feel the need to repay that help and support in any way possible. A better way to put it would probably be to say that once I let people in, I keep them very close and refuse to let go.

Because of this, therapy just seems wrong. I need something two sided that acts the same way. I'm not exactly one for dating because of the condition I'm in and the fear I have of judgement. Am I delusional or is the type of relationship I'm explaining actually real? I just can't go into something like this knowing it'll end. Does anyone else have this problem?

Have you considered equine therapy?
You learn to form a relationship with a horse. Seriously.

Am I the only one afraid of horses? This really works? Wow.

Well I'm not much of a horse person, but it could be a potential option if nothing else. I've always been fond of animals and I talk to my dog on a daily basis as if she was human.

IFS has ways that you can work with yourself. THere are books to teach you, online classes, online forum.

Self-Therapy

NVC has an entire community, books, and forums and support groups. One of the parts of the NVC program is giving ourselves self-empathy when we think we did something we wished we didn't do and feel bad about it.
The Center for Nonviolent Communication | Center for Nonviolent Communication

I wonder if this would help?
The Self-Acceptance Project

You can even get involved in both communities online.

How about trying the therapy and see how it goes?

Horses scare me too...

I found acupuncture REALLY helpful and there was a nice theraputic relationship. I think acupuncture helped my eating issues and anxiety more then therapy has.

I have found accupuncture useful too. And yoga/meditation

If close connections with people make you too nervous, how about nurturing the one with yourself (develop an interest in something recreational such as a sport or hobby)..push yourself to try something new. Volunteering would allow you to control the tempo of interaction and most people are thrilled and very receptive to having an able-bodied person lend a hand. Maybe if you can develop some security through these things you could revisit the idea of therapy?

Thank you all. These are all options I will try to consider (except maybe acupuncture since I'm deathly afraid of needles) I decided to continue to go to therapy for the next week just to be open about it. I'm still looking for a human interaction that has no limits or termination. Maybe I am delusional, but I think I'll be asking T what she thinks about trying to find a permanent friend to talk to like this. If you guys can think of any more solutions, I would greatly appreciate it. I need something, or rather someone, to keep me from the bad things that I'm doing to myself.

I don't think there's any such thing as a human interaction with no limits. But the limits don't need to be so scary.

I wanted to let you know that I also had a huge fear of needles before starting acupuncture; I went from almost passing out having a blood test to pratically laughing with the phlebotomist and feeling fine in about 7 months! They don't go in very far and I rarely bled at all in those 7 months.

Good luck xx

I don't think you can get there from this vantage point; all relationships have to end at some point; death, moving house, changing jobs, divorce, growing up and leaving one's childhood family, getting married being an end to being a dependent child, etc. You might want to work on getting into more relationships, maybe try group therapy, and get the hang of the ebb and flow of relationships so you are better able to maintain yourself before starting a therapy relationship.

Therapy isn't magic, does not cure you in and of itself, the therapist does not cure you at all, you do all the work, they just help guide you as you do the work with yourself. I would try a relationship with a social worker, just to help you with lifestyle and changes that happen as a result of your life experiences and which relies less on the individual and personal interaction and leave the more difficult stuff alone until you feel better able to work with it.

Hi,
I think all the ideas listed are good. I haven't personally experienced IFS, but have heard of it and will be getting a taste of it during a trial period with a new t starting this week. I've also heard of NVC, but again have not experienced it.
I don't have personal experience with this process either, but have heard that co-counseling can be very helpful. It's a process where people interested take an eight week course or so on the fundamentals of the method, basically it's people interested in helping one another taking turns as the person who listens and supports, and the person who does the work... called "counselor," and "client," but these terms are different from how therapists use them.As I understand it, the "counselor," isn't like a therapist, but just another peer trained in the same methods and techneques as the "client," in helping facilitate expression of feelings, and other techneques that envolve helping someone do inner work in a nonjudgmental environment.
Because it's a peer relationship it doesn't have the professional limets of client and therapist. The only limets are normal ones, like perna pointed out, people going their separate ways, death, moving, ETC.
But from what I read it's a good alternative to therapy and seems to accomplish similar goals of knowing oneself better and how to connect to others in relationships.
Here's a link for more info:
What is Co-counseling - Co-Counseling International

If anyone has had actual experience with this and knows more please put in your thoughts.
Also, my sister who loves horses did try equine therapy and it helped her. You might also try finding a t who has a therapy dog they use in their work if you'd feel better about using the animal to bond with at first.

The thing about therapy is that you generally don't have to sever the relationship until you're ready to do so. There are exceptions, of course, but most people are able to go until they don't need to go anymore.

So, please don't fear the end before you begins. If your therapist is good, your therapy will help all your relationships be better and can help you get through the endings that inevitably occur.

Thanks for this! This is along the lines of what I was looking for. I'll have to figure out if something like this is available in my area.

Thanks everyone for all your help! This is gonna take me a while to figure out what to do, but I'm feeling a bit more confident in my options now.

Hi
You're very welcome! I bet if you contact CCI they could tell you if there's something in your area.
Good luck with all this.