I didn't realise just how much I needed my last T

I honestly didn't realise how much I needed her. How much I had come to depend on our Thursday evening sessions. I miss her so much. Partly transference I think, but partly because she's the only T that ever got through to me, the only one I really connected with. Now i've lost her.

Because I decided to move 250 miles across the country to be closer to the mother who helped to screw me up in the first place. I hate my mother so much. Why do I love her? Why do I love her enough to give up my life in the city, my friends, my apartment and most of all my incredible T to come live out in the country with no one. No friends at all not one, no support, hell even my apartment is a piece of crap compared to my last one.

I miss my T so much, I need her. I need her to listen to me again, to hold me again; emotionally and physically. I can't cope with this. I should never have moved. Now I haven't got a clue how to even start looking for a new T out here in the middle of nowhere. I feel so alone. I know I need a T, there are so many things I have to say, but yet I dont have one. I dont have a T. I need one. I need help.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense I just needed to vent :'(

I'm sorry you feel this way. But you found a T once and I'm sure you can do it again. (((Hugs)))

((((((((((((((((( maiiflower ))))))))))))))))

Maiiflower, is this a permanent move? Can you ask your old t for skype sessions or email therapy? Sorry this is so hard right now but maybe another t might help for now, it won't be the same of course but it might help to have some support now when you are so lonely

That sounds very hard.

I wondered like the previous poster if she might be willing to do phone, or Skype sessions. I've done phone sessions with my T and it was very helpful even though it was on the phone.

It also sounds like you are in an area that may not have a lot of options. There are therapists that will do phone or Skype sessions. I think it's getting more common. And there are online practice groups in NVC (non-violent communication) and IFS (internal family systems) that can be very helpful.

But now I'm going into problem-solving, and you may not be there.

I hear how hard it is to be so far away, because of your own choices, when you really really want to be with her for her help and support. is that it? Is there something else?

Now that i've realised what a mistake it was to move in the first place I want to move again as soon as poss, but realistically I don't have the savings to be able to move again now so it's semi-permanent, i'll probably have to stay here for at least a year to put enough savings behind me to move because i've taken a huge pay cut and demotion from the charity I work for as I can no longer work with the street teams or even get into one of the offices - the closest one is 55 miles away in the nearest city!

I did ask my T in our last session whether it would be possible to have phone sessions at least for a few weeks whilst I looked for a new T but she said point blank that she didn't do phone sessions and that she has a huge waiting list and it wouldn't be fair to leave a new patient in the right area for f2f work on the list to have phone sessions with me.

I literally live on an army base in the middle of a field 5 miles from the nearest small town and 55 miles from the nearest city. When I first moved here I did search on the BACP website but the nearest T is 14 miles away and specialises in issues completely different from mine, aswell as using and approach that makes me feel defensive just thinking about it :P

Syra- It is mainly that I just miss how well me and my T worked together and its daunting to think about trying to find another T on my own, i've never looked for a T myself my last one was recommended by a friend who had similar issues to me. But also living in such an isolated place where I don't know anyone I feel completely out of my element, i've always lived in the same big city 250 miles from here, I grew up there, I had friends, a support network. I guess it would have been easier to leave my T if I had been moving to somewhere bigger with more chance of finding the right therapist and actually making friends!

That sounds very hard. Living a long way from the kind of support you would like. YOur therapist a long way away, and friends and support network. I agree that trying to find another T is hard. I hate it. It sounds like you are feeling very alone & isolated. Is that it?

I am a believer that nothing is wasted, even when choices we make go badly. Probably at one point or another, or at many points in our lives, we need to learn the lesson of putting ourselves first, paying attention to our own needs and giving them life, and other related life lessons. Perhaps the silver lining in making this kind of mistake is that it puts this issue front and center. Until we can learn to put on our own oxygen mask before we help others with ours, it won't go well for us.

Perhaps while you are in this place, you can take the opportunity to work on putting yourself first. That may have the happy effect of getting you to move back more quickly than you had anticipated. I wish you the best with it.

When you have internalised enough of something better you won't return to what was toxic. But until then we do return hoping for a different outcome. We return to that tiny bit we did love. Yes we hate but there were bits we loved of that person. It's also familiar. Getting better is scary.

This is part of your journey. Perhaps you will find another T where you are.

Perhaps you unconsciously need to be reminded that there really isn't another ending, a happy ending. But you can change your ending. It doesn't have to include the toxic people n our life's. but the tie to them feels so natural we cannot imagine making a happy ending without them.

Many hugs, Maiiflower. I am so sorry that you have no where to turn with your grief and internal needs. I see that you are in the UK. Of course, being here in the US I am not sure how your social medicine works, but it seems that you have government support when needed. Can you take advantage of these options?
I am where you are, so I know you need someone.
Good luck!
Bluemountains

I'm with Anne, life gave you lemons... add tequila

Use the boards and the people here as support while you search for a new T.... maybe even the one you think can't help you, you never know, then lean here less.

good one, all things in moderation.

I'm not sure if I've said this before, but I believe there is some good therapy available online via Skype or google+, or even the phone. I've seen some where I knew enough to trust the person would likely be good enough, perhaps even very good, but I don't remember now. If you are interested, I might be able to do a little research and give some leads. If you have access to a computer, Google+ is free, even with video (I think) even across the ocean (well, I know I can call Britain; I assume other countries are free too)

Thanks Syra, if you do have any info especially related to google+ i'd love to know more.

I'll pm you for a little information