[inkblot]

I had really bad day yesterday--extremely emotional. I left SEVERAL voice mails abou what was going on. I dont think my T has ever seen me so emotional. Nor a few other people. My childs T even got several voice mails, but he has already seen me at my worst. Wish I had time to write more.

[January]

(((((((((((( Inky ))))))))))))

I hope you feel better very soon.

Hugs,

Jan

[Hopefull]

I'm sure Ts are used to strange voice mails. I left a goody for mine last week too. I hope you get a chance to talk to T about what is bothering you and start to feel better soon.

[inkblot]

Thanks, Jan. I made it through today much better, but I still feel some effects from yesterday. I kind of wish I could see my T tomorrow instead of in a few days. I won't want to talk about yesterday at all, but bits and pieces will come out from being associated with other things. T got alot of info in all those voice mails about what was going on and my feelings and thoughts. He will have plenty of options on things for us to talk about.

I thought that last weeks appointment went remarkably well and that I was able to share more. I left there thinking, "Wow!" I should have said something to him.

Still, I have this feeling that sooner or later he or somebody will put me in the hospital.

[inkblot]

I will be too afraid to discuss the primary details, I think. I am so afraid of showing emotion in front of people. I am afraid that what if I might cry?! I am sure he could tell that I was crying that day. I am sure that everyone who heard from me could tell. Now that its happened, tho, (and in so many voice mails all in the one day) I suppose its the start of the process to one day being comfortable actually doing it in front of him--or maybe someone else.